Here’s How to Engage with Life — Submission or Surrender?
“Too early for flapjacks?” — Phil Connors
In the early 2000s, I lived for 3 years in a cult-like ashram in India. They preached surrender but (indirectly) demanded submission.
The Guru said he was more powerful than Jesus. In hindsight that should have been the time to leave.
Take off your tin foil hat and become Nancy Drew to discover where you are balls deep into submission. And thanks to Phil Connors (Billy Murray) discover the path to internalized freedom.
Submit and die
“The essential characteristic of jiu-jitsu is very simple. It’s the science and art of control that leads to submission.”
— John Danaher
In Jiu-jitsu a submission is a technique that will control, maim, subdue or hurt the opponent.
Submission is yielding, consciously or unconsciously, to a perceived stronger force or to the authority of another person or thing.
Submission is the ultimate passive act. And there is no use of free to make a choice.
It's everywhere
It manifests in your life as:
- Weakness in decision-making — to go for a run or watch Netflix?
- Things are being done to you — the government ruined my life.
- Move (or not) beyond old beliefs and behavioral patterns — keeping the chip on your shoulder that your parents are to blame for your f*cked up life. I carried around a forest for a couple of decades.
Consequences of Submission
The results of submission fester inside like terminal cancer.
Fear to act in the way you truly desire. I want to write a book but I really should watch that Netflix doco on psychedelics.
Hostility towards the world and everyone in it. We have all met the guy in the world that is always angry and complains constantly about management. This happens at a more subtle level inside. A less pronounced form of cancer.
Convert resistance will raise its ugly head in the form of crossed arms when agreeing to do what your boss tells you when you don’t want to. Remaining quiet when inside you are raging against injustice.
My go to form is to avoid eye contact at all costs. I think if I don’t see them they cannot see me (it still doesn’t work, but I still keep doing it.)
If you are the “submission” type of person, you play the victim and don’t take responsibility for your life.
Tap out — How to escape submission
Royce Gracie reigned supreme in mixed martial arts.
Before him, fighters were an expert in only one fighting style. Gracie made fighters think they need to be the best in all martial arts.
Get your black belt on to empower yourself to get out of a life of submission.
Quadrinity. Realize where and how submission is showing up in the 4 aspects of yourself:
- Physical body — when do you frown, nervously giggle, and get tension in your jaw and shoulders?
- Emotional self — when are the emotional patterns of anger, rage, shame, rigidity, and depression showing up?
- Intellectual self — when are you criticizing, casting judgment, and being defensive?
- Spiritual self — when you are seeing yourself as being superior to another person based on a set of commandments (that you don’t yourself follow)?
Resistance patterns. You take on those negative traits as a kid that your parents displayed to get closer to them. You were not born judgemental or critical of others.
It’s by knowing what is going on that is the first step to surrender.
What to do — List the patterns that you exhibit when in the company of others.
Surrender
Is the recognition of what is and using your free will to exercise best judgment.
Bill Murray in Ground Hog day came into harmony with those around him, and radically transformed.
He still longed for Rita (Andie MacDowell) but he fully surrendered and threw himself into each moment with whoever was in front of him — without wanting them to change to suit his own needs.
He didn’t submit to others’ whims; he contributed to making them happier. And when he did, only then did he wake up next to the girl of his dreams.
It starts with committing to letting both your inner and environments show up in the way they naturally manifest.
Commitment
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, …the moment one commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred…Whatever you can do, or dream you can do…Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. “
— W. H. Murray
19th-century saint Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, was asked by a spiritual seeker what was required to know God. He walked the seeker into the Ganges river. Grabbed him by the head and pushed him under the water.
The seeker frantically tried to escape Ramakrishna’s clutches.
When he let him come up to breathe, he said “when you show the same commitment to wanting to breathe as you do to seeking God, only then you will know God.”
If you don’t commit with a steely resolve to come back to who you are at your essence, you will be consumed in that fire of that which you submit to.
A Practical Tip
One tip on how to focus on being in the present is an oldie but a goodie — the checklist.
The checklist is the ultimate way to not get caught up in what J Krishnamurti called psychological time.
Atul Gawande, in The Check List Manifesto, states the problems a checklist saves you from are:
- Inaccuracies of memory.
- Holds attention on one thing.
- Silent disengagement.
- Skipping important steps.
- Avoiding accountability.
What is included in an effective checklist:
- Easy to use.
- Concise and simple.
- When people must engage with each other.
- Focus on what is critical (actions that could be catastrophic if not completed.)
- Ideally 5–9 items.
- Have a time limit/schedule.
Pattern Identification & Tracing
From your list of identified patterns above, again look to unearth what is unconsciously playing out in your life.
You can trace the parental patterns by seeing where transference takes place in your interactions with others.
This is a fancy psychology word for when you see the person in front of you as either your mom or dad. And as a result, you get triggered and go into submission.
Bring to mind which parent you got this pattern from and which incidents caused these patterns.
Concluding thoughts
Submission keeps you locked in the perceived view of being controlled by an external power. Which is really you unconsciously not wanting to step outside your own ‘fear boundary.’
Surrender allows you to be open to yourself, free of conditioning, and to the wonderful possibilities of life.
The more you can relax and let things be as they are, the more subtle joy you will experience and the more you will feel intuitively guided to the next step in your life. One small step at a time, for a big change.
