Here Is Why Chemistry Won’t Guarantee Your Relationship’s Survival
Chemistry is that thing that pushes you to take that leap but what are the odds?
Chemistry is that thing that makes you confident enough to want to take a chance at committing to something bigger. Having good chemistry is a lot of fun and it gives you something to always look forward to. Partners will experience a connection on different levels (physical, emotional, or psychological) and these connections will manifest in different forms throughout the length of their relationship.
Unfortunately having just chemistry between couples, no matter how intense, doesn’t guarantee that they will not break up nor does it mean they will stay faithful to each other. Although people can end up staying together despite there being no chemistry, like when there is compatibility (more on this later), trust, or even financial stability.
How chemistry works in two different relationships
Short term: here you sort of know immediately you have got it because of the sparks. There is strong physical attraction, good sexual energy, and perhaps even great conversation and usually, all these would work if you are just looking for something casual. Sometimes that intense chemistry you feel in the short term is really nothing more than just intense lust. And we all know that lust alone cannot be the foundation of a long and meaningful relationship.
One drawback is that the initial intense chemistry you experience usually leads to having high and unrealistic expectations of the relationship and when they are not met, what usually follows is resentment, anger, and an overwhelming feeling of being let down.
Long-term: Chemistry in long-term relationships can take a while. So just because you are not feeling it on the first date doesn’t mean it won’t ignite by the third or fourth. This is because chemistry can be developed with time and perhaps some conscious effort before things fall into place.
You can find two people thrown together by fate or a number of different other reasons and even though in the beginning they can experience little or no chemistry, it begins to develop especially if they are compatible enough to stay together in the meantime. Then, depending on their personalities, they can begin to experience a gradual build-up especially if they pay attention to each other, communicate effectively, and even spend some time apart, among other things.
How do we know we have good chemistry?
When we find that our inhibitions usually fly out the window when we are together. So we are free to loosen up, let our guard down, and be ourselves knowing we will be understood, respected, and accepted. When you have chemistry with someone you will value all the time you spend together whether you are being intimate, making conversation or just experiencing comfortable silence without the awkwardness because it is not about the activity but about who you are doing it with.
“There is strong physical attraction, good sexual energy, and perhaps even great conversation and usually, all these would work if you are just looking for something casual.”
Why is chemistry just not enough
No doubt having good chemistry at the beginning is a great start to any relationship but there is a lot more that goes into a long-term relationship to make it healthy, satisfying, and stand the test of time. And as exciting as being in a relationship with the ‘one’ is, there are several reasons why that alone cannot guarantee a long-lasting relationship:
- Compatibility: good chemistry is sometimes mistaken for compatibility but while chemistry is important, compatibility is crucial. Two people may have great chemistry, but if their values, goals, and lifestyles do not align, the relationship may not work in the long term. Compatibility requires a certain level of mutual respect, admiration, and appreciation that flows between the partners and they need to share similar interests and values.
“While chemistry is important, compatibility is crucial.”
- Communication: This is also crucial for any relationship to succeed. It is how you know you are both on the same page and that your goals and values align. If two people have chemistry, even intense chemistry but struggle to communicate effectively, misunderstandings and conflicts will arise, which can erode the relationship over time.
- Timing: Unfortunately this is one of the factors affecting relationships that are completely out of our control. And so you have two people who seem absolutely right for each but for the bad timing. External factors such as work, family, or personal issues can get in the way and prevent the relationship from progressing. Therefore, despite having great chemistry, the timing may not be right for a lasting relationship.
“If two people have chemistry, even intense chemistry but struggle to communicate effectively, misunderstandings and conflicts will arise.”
- Growth/change: As people grow and change over time, so do their relationships. Even if two people have great chemistry but they are not able to grow and change together, they will eventually grow apart.
- One-sided chemistry: This is when only one partner feels it. If you can fall for someone and feel strong attraction but unfortunately the other person is just not feeling it, the chemistry is one-sided. There has been some debate about this type of chemistry. Some point out that this is not technically chemistry to begin with because chemistry is about connection and you can't have a connection this way. So if only one partner is feeling it, then it should be more aptly described as, one-sided attraction.
Overall, while chemistry is important, it is not the only factor that determines the success of a relationship. For a relationship to last, it requires compatibility, effective communication, the right timing, and the ability to grow and change together.
Takeaways:
- There are a number of factors a play that affects the chances of two people continuing a relationship even after experiencing good chemistry.
- Compatibility trumps chemistry for the long term, and even though good chemistry is often mistaken for it, it is compatibility that enables a relationship to work in the long term.
- Intense chemistry may be all that is needed for casual or short-term relationships but it can lead to having high and unrealistic expectations and disappointment when those expectations are not met.
- Even when partners have great chemistry but they are not able to grow and change together, they will eventually grow apart.
- The type of chemistry that sustains long-term relationships builds up and develops over time
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