Hello Santa Claus … What Happened To You!?
I read about Santa Claus when I was growing up. I have to say that I am a dumb kid. It never caught my attention that the background in the book and my immediate surroundings are so different. After all, who would have imagined that the temperature on December 25th would be 30 degrees Celsius?
My pre-school teachers spoke about Santa Claus during the formative years. They went on at length about the kind elder lugging a big bag of presents, traveling around the world to make kids happy. I mean, who wouldn’t be enticed by that?
People, we are talking about living beings who just started transiting from the crawl to walk. Free toys were the next stage of human evolution.
I briefly recalled that I went home harping all about it. I probably got too serious and screamed at my dad for being so cruel. He was the exact opposite of Santa Claus. While Santa gave, my dad saved.
As I went on and on about Santa Claus being the ultimate savior for this imperfect World, my apartment surroundings caught my attention.
I noted one crucial discrepancy. There was no chimney.
Of course. Asians lived in high-rise apartments, not cottages. Having a chimney for a 30-storey high apartment posed a safety hazard for Santa Claus. I guess he never stopped by Asia due to safety concerns.
Back to the chimney.
I was upset that we had no chimney. Where is the fireside that he will land on? It was a disaster. How is Santa Claus supposed to visit me on the 25th of December to deliver my Super Nintendo? I have been dying to play Street Fighter for the longest time.
I started going around the apartment to look for chimney look-alikes. I mean, there are water pipes. Would Santa come from there?
I thought he would.
After all, if Mario and Luigi can save Princess through sewage pipes … surely Santa can do better. He knows I am waiting for him, right?
It was the highest level of self-confidence I had. I was proud that Santa would commute via water pipes. It didn’t bother me that Santa’s physique would not fit into our sewage pipes, not to mention the skinny water pipe.
It didn’t bother me that Santa would be scalded by hot water if I happen to be bathing while he squeezes his way through.
He will come, I know.
And so, you know, I hanged my socks all around. I had to improvise. With chimneys, there are 1. With water pipes, I wouldn’t know where he would appear. I needed every sock to be close to a water pipe.
The biggest disaster would be that he couldn’t find any and then leave in a hurry without giving me my presents.
My mum was upset. I mean, every single sock in the wardrobe disappeared. I deployed them.
Then, the 25th of December came.
I was in my winter wear, expecting snowfall. I thought the weatherman was wrong the day before. He reported an expectation of heavy rain on the 25th. I remembered screaming at my television, calling him a crook.
Whoops, sorry about that.
He was right. It was rainfall, not snowfall.
I was up early, and I rushed to check every single sock in the apartment. They were empty. I sulked, I cried, and I punched my teddy bear.
My dad was amused.
He came over to hug me. Moments later, he brought me out to MacDonald’s for breakfast. I was still in my winter wear, sweating buckets in the 30-degree Celsius temperature.
My Dad was in a tee-shirt and bermudas. He couldn’t stop laughing. I couldn’t stop fuming from the inside.
I kept wondering what happened to Santa.
While in my daze, Santa Claus appeared. It was Ronald MacDonald’s draped in bright red and white, giving out free hash-browns.
When he came to pass me a hash-brown, I was stunned. I couldn’t move. Santa Claus was skinny. He didn’t have a bag of toys and presents. He had a plastic bag of hash-browns and muffins.
What happened to you, Santa?!
Staring at my hash-brown, I couldn’t help but wonder if the stories told by my teacher were real. At that age, accuracy wasn’t in my dictionary. We aren’t taught.
I figured that my teacher bluffed me.
There isn’t any Santa Claus. Only Ronald MacDonald’s.
You Bluffed Me, Santa!
Aldric
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