Finding Balance Is Easier Than You Think
5 simple ways to find balance in your life
Does anyone say, “I want my life to work really well in some areas but be a disaster in others”?
This piercing insight reminds me of the sad state of my car, which is the first thing to fall by the wayside in the pursuit of so-called balance. Kids fed, check. House somewhat neat — read livable, another check. Animals happy, and work completed, a double-check. But, that sporty white car? It’s a disaster.
My husband’s Tractor Supply receipts line the floorboard, mingling with a film of dirt and dust from our dirt road, and my old water bottles, being saved for a rainy day (except that it never rains), roll back and forth from the front of the car to the back, creating a symphony of slosh, crinkle, clack as the five bottles excitedly roll over the receipts coupled with a small handful of junk mail loosely scattered over the seat. I’ll spare you the rest of the details of our car’s disastrous state.
With an eye to the interlude between balance and, well, being unbalanced, this equilibrium is one of the hardest things to master in life. We think of balance as a precious, all-consuming thing that takes real, concerted effort to maintain, but upon closer examination it can easily be mixed up with that all-too-familiar term “perfectionism.” I’m okay with not being perfect and I am okay with my car’s neatness being the first thing to go when life demands. Besides, cleaning it usually leads to a migraine anyway, which isn’t exactly a fair trade-off.
With that in mind, here are a few important distinctions between balance and perfectionism:
Perfectionism
Is always right Is anger and frustration All about control Implies judgment Is lacking in abundance Creates Doubt Creates pressure Is black and white Is a destination Is rigid
Balance
Is willing to be wrong Involves taking risk Is empowering Allows spontaneity Is accepting Is generous Builds confidence Flows Is grey Takes us on a journey Is flexible
What about the research?
A 2019 study by software company RescueTime looked at 185 million hours of working time in relation to work-life balance. The findings suggest that our productivity and personal relationships suffer when our life is out of balance, teetering on the delicate precipice of burnout. The study also found that people whose partners work 50 or more hours per week have greater stress and substantially lower relationship satisfaction compared to those whose partners work 35+ hours per week.
Why do we need balance?
Balance, which means different things to different people, is an interdependent state that is essential to our overall well-being. It is an equinox, the space between light and dark, night and day, of flow and retreat.
But it is also a fleeting moment, constantly shifting with time and circumstance. I’ve come to realize that, when something in my life is seemingly out of balance, it usually is more in balance than I realize. Life humming along, car a disaster zone — that is my life in balance, or new normal as they say.
A longing for balance has always been part of the human experience, but today we ache for it more than ever, as we face a culture that works more hours, trading time with ourselves or our families for even more things that will put our lives out of balance. I have one messy car, so what am I going to do with two?
It seems that we have two deeper needs: the need for peace, and the need for practicality. That is real balance.
I am not knocking the concept of balance, because days do tend to flow easier with a predictable sense of balance, and when life is in balance, we are more focused, energetic, and productive throughout our days.
But balance doesn’t look the same for everyone. To me, balance is similar to good health, being able to do the things that you love alternated with the things we must do in order to remain functioning and maintain our sense of well-being. And I’ll admit that my own concept of balance is different because of chronic pain that often tips the scales between what must be done and what can be saved for later.
But isn’t that life? Just when one aspect is in balance, another block tips the scales of possibility and promise. It’s okay to change, reevaluate your priorities, and rework the concept of balance to naturally intersect with the changing world — and our changing inner worlds.
Really, it is a balancing lesson for all of us, and a delicate one at that. So how can we achieve balance on the pendulum of life?
The trick is to make small, incremental changes over time in order to discover what works for your unique journey. Because by gradually shifting what isn’t working in our lives, we can increase what is in balance. Over time, these small changes will fill our toolbox to the brim with a newfound equilibrium, and the process only gets easier from there.
Try these small yet effective techniques to increase your life balance:
1. Avoid toxic people and toxicity (as much as you can).
Seek to minimize the negative attitudes around you by avoiding toxic people as much as possible. If you don’t feel better after an interaction, or in any way feel less than you did prior to it, this is a sign of a toxic source in your life. When you can, surround yourself with supportive and compassionate people.
2. Eliminate what isn’t essential.
We know that we can’t please everyone or do everything, but that often doesn’t stop us from trying. Unfortunately, this is a recipe for imbalance; instead, say “no” to anything that isn’t essential or doesn’t add value to your life. Omitting tasks that aren’t essential isn’t bad. It’s self-preservation and somebody’s got to do it.
3. Increase your cognizance of the world around you.
Do something new. Read a different genre of book, take a class, or listen to new music. Try something that you truly enjoy doing. The activity doesn’t need to take up a lot of time, but simply needs to recharge and refuel you.
4. Highlight your health.
Our health affects every aspect of our lives, from work to relationships. It’s much easier to be productive and happy when we feel better. Things like eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising make a huge difference in how we approach our daily lives.
5. Decide to disconnect.
For at least a few hours on the weekend, or even during the week (if you’re able), turn off the TV, close the laptop, and silence your cell phone. Give yourself the gift of true rest, and feel your mind awaken to wherever balance has been missing.
It takes time to unlearn our separation from the natural world that societal conventions have pressed upon us, and to relearn the natural existence that radiates from our most fundamental personhood. But you, me, all of us — we can do it.
Because the essential song of life is balance in all things. Be still and listen, and you’ll hear the bird’s call, and notice the sun’s warmth upon your back, and possibly even sense the eternal fulcrum as it tilts and shifts, every moment, each day, pointing toward the prospect of true balance.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. — Annie Dillard
With love and gratitude, Aurora