6 Effective Ways to Cope with Sadness
We have more control than we realize
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it — always.”― Mahatma Gandhi
Across the spectrum of sadness, one thing is clear: it doesn’t feel good, but it serves an important purpose to help us process experiences and change our beliefs or how we are living our lives. And even though sadness can be alarming in the way that it creeps and weaves its way into our lives, it can also be beautiful in its transferability to create our inner world, where we learn not to be a servant of sadness, but to just let it be, exist, or sit with it for a moment, pulling up a cozy armchair while we allow sadness to simply breathe.
Sadness is an emotional experience that is intrinsic to life itself. Although sadness is usually known as a negative or unpleasant emotion, it helps to remember that these are just labels. Really, there are no bad or good emotions; they are only indicators of what we are experiencing.
The thoughts that we think, or the behaviors in which we engage, have an indirect or even direct effect on our emotions.
The important thing to note is that, for the most part, these are merely choices.
We choose to think a certain way and this leads to a certain feeling or emotion. We have more control than we realize.
But sometimes we may find ourselves tangled in negative behaviors and thoughts, and wonder why the negativity seems to spiral into a complex pattern of anger, sadness, and even despair.
The important thing to remember is that while emotions aren’t good or bad, there are unhealthy and healthy manifestations of our thought patterns.
And even though there are many things that we cannot control, emotions included, we do have a choice over how we respond to and listen to that emotion.
A personal example: I’ve been in a few major vehicle accidents that formerly would cause anxiety and even sadness when driving in an unfamiliar area, but when I started practicing mindful awareness, I realized that these emotions are something that I can control, explore, and choose to feel differently while driving.
This doesn’t mean that my driving anxiety is 100 percent cured, but I have far more control over the car-driving experience and which emotions I shun or embrace.
It is completely up to each of us whether or not we give space to thoughts and behaviors that deepen sad or unpleasant emotions, whether we ruminate or positively cope with how we are feeling. We each can do this. It is completely within our reach.
Here are six coping strategies to release sadness:
1. Contemplate your coping strategies with mindful awareness.
Think about how you respond to sad feelings.
Do you get angry, withdrawn, tired, fired up, scattered, or irritable? Recall a time in your life when you felt sad and think about how you responded to this emotion.
What thoughts drove your emotions or behaviors?
Did you lash out or withdraw from others? Or distract yourself with self-sabotaging behaviors? Or lean on friends and family for support? Or take extra good care of yourself mentally and physically?
The idea behind this method is to give yourself the space to mindfully observe how you cope, without judgment.
Judging makes it much harder to show yourself compassion and change your current coping strategies if needed.
You may start to notice patterns, such as when you are sad, you tire out more easily. Allow yourself to be curious about these patterns and coping mechanisms.
You may discover that it’s a learned pattern from a family member or something that may feel good at the time but later ends in more sadness.
Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. We usually only know what we have been surrounded by, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Many years ago, I was the queen of self-sabotage until I learned new coping mechanisms such as yoga, meditation, mindfulness, affirmations, reading positive materials, and the mother of all coping mechanisms — gratitude.
2. Practice expressing sadness.
This is a big one. Many of us were raised to be out of touch with our feelings.
Sometimes I think that this is a function of culture and society, to ignore the emotions, do what you have to do, and just get through it. But that’s not the best recipe for well-being and increased mental health.
It isn’t anyone’s fault, though, and we can always shift and change the very moment that we are willing.
I say this because, for a long time, I didn’t know what sadness was or how to express it — the remnant of an abusive and neglectful childhood. It isn’t uncommon to do what we have to do in order to survive.
Trauma therapist Dawn Leopardi says, “When we are out of touch with our emotions, we may not even know what sadness feels like in our body, and our minds.” Booker offers up this gem to identify feelings of sadness: get out a journal, and list out 5, 10, or 15 times when you felt like you experienced feelings of sadness, loneliness, or anger. For example, you can write out, “I feel upset when ______ happens,” or “Growing up, ______ made me sad.”
Identifying these emotions and surrounding circumstances is a necessary step toward addressing whether or not your coping skills are healthy.
Feel free to journal or write about sadness, what it means to you, and how you identify it, so that you can respond more easily to sadness, in a way that helps rather than hinders.
3. Give yourself compassion.
If we don’t give ourselves compassion, it is nearly impossible to give it to others. There is no glory in beating ourselves up. Leopardi recommends sitting or standing in a quiet place, putting your hands over your heart, and saying, “I love you, I am here for you. I care about your pain. This too shall pass, my beloved.”
Many years ago, I did this with inner child work, and even though it sounds simple, the effects are simply astounding. To accept yourself just as you are is the definition of self-compassion.
4. Wherever you are, take a restorative walk.
We all know the healing benefits of movement, whether the endorphins, the sense of accomplishment, or the increased energy.
Getting outside (and out of our heads) can work wonders. Yes, you may still feel sad, but little by little, with each fragrant flower, growing tree, and cloudless, cloud-filled, or even nighttime open sky, the sense of being part of something bigger than yourself can help put things in perspective.
This also works indoors.
When my son was an infant and it was cold outside, I would take a leisurely trip to the big box store near our house. I’d bundle him in the carrier and make the whole trip into an event, going down aisles that we usually didn’t browse, sometimes even going through the entire store twice. As a new mom, this was one way that I got that ever-important physical exercise.
And you don’t have to be a mom to do this. Sure, being outside is more enjoyable, but on days when it’s harder to get outside, even walking inside can have similar effects.
Give this freeing, healing balm for the soul a try. I’m right there with you, cheering you on!
One more option if you can’t get out is to watch an online walking video. This may sound cheesy, but it works. Since we are having a freak snowstorm in Colorado today, following several wildfires. I’ll be using this video later on: One Mile Happy Walk.
Find what works for you.
5. Try warm water therapy.
While this strategy may not erase feelings of sadness entirely, being immersed or showered in warm water (even better with essential oils) is an easy and luxurious way to show yourself some self-compassion.
Feeling the hot water flow down your back and inhaling the airy steam can make you feel like a human again.
Taking tiny steps like this until you are able to feel better is one of the most refreshing and restorative practices that I know of.
As an alternative, you can take a washrag doused in warm-to-hot water and hold it against your face to feel the sensation and love from yourself. Or boil a pot of water and relax as the steam vapors caress your face, providing feelings of calming refreshment.
While you’re there, give some gratitude for the marvel of hot water readily available in your kitchen or bath. It truly is a luxury.
6. Get creative.
Finally, you can also use creative pursuits to facilitate the release of sadness.
To get in the flow of creativity, listen to calming music, aerate a pleasant fragrance, and center yourself in a calming environment while reflecting on what sadness means to you. Creativity is unique to the individual, so the sky’s the limit.
Focus your creative endeavors on releasing sadness as you journal, paint, write or sing a song, make a video, draw, write a story, dance in the forest, or do whatever else gets you in that beautiful, effortless state of flow.
As you do this, say out loud or to yourself, “I release this sadness now. I choose to focus on the positive aspects of life. This is my choice. I am experiencing sadness but it’s not who I really am.”
Be mindful about addressing and releasing the sadness.
Remember that the emotions have a purpose, but once they’ve served that purpose, it’s time to let them go. If there is a lesson to be learned, grasp it, remember it, but let all those feelings go whenever you can.
If you find yourself stuck in a repetitive or stagnant state of sadness, consider what life might look like and feel like if you were to actually release that sadness.
This doesn’t mean that you approve of the conditions that may have led to that sadness, or that it’s somehow unjustified or unimportant.
It simply means that you have reached a point of realization that your sadness is no longer serving your best interests, so it is time for it to be released.
However you may have handled sadness in the past, today is a new day, brimming with hope and possibility. And we each have the choice to release as much sadness as we can to enliven a new future filled with well-being and promise.
“Each day we are born again. It is what we do today that matters most.”—Buddha
With love and gratitude, Aurora