7 Rock-Solid Tips to Build Resilience
You can bounce back better than before
“No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life.”―Friedrich Nietzsche
Resilence is empowering. Resilience is brave. Resilience is the psychological aspect that allows some people to be momentarily taken down by the challenges of life and come back stronger and wiser than before. Instead of letting failure, trauma, and challenges run the show, high-resilience people figure out how to move forward, shift what needs to be shifting, and even heal the parts of them that need it. Sounds simple, right?
But resilience, be it inherent or trained, takes serious consecrated effort. Increasing resilience and reducing the effects of significant adversity is essential to the progression and purpose of any healthy life or culture.
Research
When faced with setbacks, as we all are at some point or another, resilience can quite literally save us from ourselves.
But when faced with adversity in life, how does a person cope? Why do some people seem to come back from tragedy or loss more easily than others?
Researchers have studied this phenomenon for decades and have found that individuals with high levels of resilience are highly adaptable to negative situations, such as tragedy, natural disasters, health crises, losing a job, or school issues.
A study conducted by Gail Wagnild (2015) on “Resilience, Self-reported Depression, and Health” examined a sample of 8,903 adults. Respondents with lower resilience scores were less likely to report that they exercised, ate nutritiously, were within five pounds of their ideal weight, and were more likely to report that they used tobacco products.
Among those with lower resilience scores, 32% reported experiencing symptoms of depression always or frequently, in contrast to 5% with higher resilience scores. This tells us that, with the right habits, we can develop more resilience.
Life can, and most likely will, metaphorically knock us all down at some point. That’s not depressive, sad thinking; it’s actually proactive and healthy to think about how you will manage those inevitable setbacks and challenges that stream through life without warning, but which give us the opportunity to change, grow, realize, and ultimately release that which doesn’t serve us.
Here is a 7-step resilience toolkit for our shared and unique struggles in life, love, and loss:
1. Feel all of your feelings.
Give yourself permission to feel furious, angry, or sad. Vent in your journal. Express your anger in a healthy way that lets it go without harming or hurting others.
2. Allow yourself to mourn losses.
Permit yourself to feel the sadness of disappointment and loss. Know that it is okay to not get what you want, the important part is to avoid getting stuck in those emotions as much as possible. This next step can help.
3. Start moving.
To prevent anger or sadness from immobilizing you into inaction, take a walk. Get outside if you can, at least twice, to put that sadness into action. Feel the ground beneath your feet, hear your surroundings, and take note of the vibrant world around you, just brimming with possibility and the promise of a new day. Feel yourself moving forward with each step that you take. If you are unable to walk without pain, try a guided meditation instead.
Breathe deep and know that you are getting through life’s challenges in the best way that you can.
4. Consider comfort by learning to ask for assistance.
We don’t like to ask for help. It feels vulnerable, even weak, but those are both are precursors to strength and growth. Asking for assistance isn’t a bad thing, because it actually can pave the way for increased connection with others and even increased possibilities in our lives.
Maybe that friend or colleague has life wisdom to share and help you on your journey, and maybe you can reciprocate for them. You’ll never know if you are too proud to ask for help.
5. Change your perspective.
Realize that maybe what felt like a failure or setback was actually a chance to reimagine and tap into the creative genius that exists with us all. Success doesn’t follow a straight line―really nothing does, healing and resilience-building included.
6. Feel the discomfort of not knowing.
Let healthy fear be your guide that you are stepping out of your comfort zone, growing, and perhaps moving towards everything that you always wanted. But remain flexible if your circumstances shift.
7. Change your thoughts.
Get out of those sticky patterns of negative thinking. Read uplifting books, listen to positive podcasts, resilience talks on YouTube, practice affirmations, or download a meditation or mindfulness app. Give your brain more ways to cope.
Trying is half of the battle. Realize this: we aren’t in control of everything. Things happen. Jobs disappear. Health can fail, and even wealth can fail.
But it’s through the building of these seven resilience traits that all of us are able to bounce back from setbacks and return even better, wiser, and kinder than before.
Now, what are you going to do with your precious life?
Who are you going to help? How are you going to heal? What are you going to create?
The sky’s the limit. Never stop learning. Never stop reaching. If you can’t do one thing, there are a million other things that you can do. And know this, you can grow, build, and shift right now in this very moment. Even when life is uncertain, you can create more of what you want in your life, be it health, wealth, resilience, or love.
“Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.” — Yasmin Mogahed
With love and gratitude, Aurora