HUMOR

Earning My First Thousand Dollars Writing

Tips That Could Have You Laughing All The Way To The Bank

I had this dream last night. I was dreaming about writing this article.

You know you are a writing addict when you dream about your habit at night.

TIP NUMBER ONE: Tell your subconscious before you go to sleep, “tomorrow I want to write the funniest piece I’ve ever written, so let’s dream about it tonight.” This is actually based on real science. I’ve been bossing my subconscious around for years, so I know this method really works.

My inspiration for this piece all started when I read this one by Sherry McGuinn.

I read this article and thought, wow, I could make a thousand dollars on one of my articles! It’s just that easy!

TIP NUMBER TWO: Never fear clickbait. Learn to embrace it. ESPECIALLY if you are writing funny pieces. It can be the exact thing you need to differentiate yourself.

TIP NUMBER THREE: Be a voracious reader of others’ articles. You’ll get some amazing ideas by planting these seeds into your subconscious.

Use your time wisely. I often read about those people who wake up at 4 or 5 AM and do all their writing for the day before 10 AM. I keep telling my subconscious that’s what I want to do. But I have a particularly rebellious subconscious. She doesn’t always play nicely. She wants to sleep til 10.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: The best time for writing is the early morning. This is also neurologically based. Brain output is best in the morning. Save your inputs for after lunch. This method has been employed by so many famous people, too many to list here, but Ben Franklin is among them. And look how prolific he was. So set a really loud alarm and place it as far away from your bed as possible. Like over near the refrigerator, in the kitchen. That will show your subconscious who is the boss. While you are there, grab some water. Water is proven to douse the subconscious the same way spraying a water hose on two dogs breaks up the dog fight.

When choosing the topics of what you would like to write about, be sure to have a late night chat by phone or text, with someone in a time zone really far away from you. Being that I live in New York, I like to chat with Janie Emaus, because she’s in California. So she’s still awake. Also, Kristi Keller is far enough away to also still be awake, if she isn’t stuck in some yoga pose, so she’s a good one for me to chat with too. If only just to make sure she’s okay. Chatting with friends late at night means your subconscious will have fresh ideas to mull over as she settles in for that long night of scheming.

TIP NUMBER FIVE: DO chat and text about topics that are relevant to the problem you’ve asked your subconscious to work on. But keep it short so you don’t go into tech overload just as you are trying to wind down inputs for the night. Because whatever you chat about at this point of the day might end up in your next day’s solution. And that could end up looking like a golem. And you don’t want that.

That’s it! Just manage your time, your fluids, and your subconscious, and you too can come up with a top writer badge award winning article.

Best of luck, and please do let me know your experiences with this experiment. I always enjoy hearing about subconscious takeovers.

Susan Brearley is a brilliant strategist and writer/editor. She’s the owner/operator of the MuddyUm Writer’s Self Help Clinic. And the Captain and Editor in Chief of the Good Ship MuddyUm.

She’s been writing comedy for about 2 weeks.