avatarSherry McGuinn

Summary

A writer on Medium unexpectedly earned a significant amount of money without writing any new content during December, questioning whether it was a genuine windfall or a tactic by Medium to silence critical voices.

Abstract

The author of the article expresses surprise and skepticism over earning a substantial sum of $1,000 from Medium's Partner Program without having written any new articles in December. Previously, the author's earnings had been modest, barely covering basic expenses. The article humorously speculates on the reasons behind this sudden increase in income, considering the possibility that it might be "hush money" from Medium to discourage negative commentary about the platform. Despite the temptation to celebrate this financial boost, the author remains cautious and considers reaching out to Medium for clarification, while also reflecting on the struggles of writing and the importance of speaking one's truth.

Opinions

  • The author is critical of the low earnings from writing on Medium prior to the unexpected windfall.
  • There is a humorous expression of frustration over the high cost of everyday items, such as toilet paper.
  • The author admits to a love-hate relationship with Medium,

I Made a Grand Last Month and Never Wrote a Single Word!

It’s a Medium Miracle, by God! (Or, is it?)

“Hmmmm. Maybe I should rethink this.” Source: Flickr.Com

I don’t know how this windfall happened. I’ve been writing my ass off on this platform for over a year and the most I’ve earned from the Partner Program is approximately fifty-five bucks and change. Actually, this figure recently shot all the way up to sixty-four bucks and change. I’m nothing if not a meteoric-riser.

If you ingest food, then you know that this paltry amount is barely enough for a week’s worth of groceries — not to mention other necessities like toilet paper. When the hell did that get so expensive anyway? It’s paper. To wipe your ass with. And it goes in the toilet for God’s sake. And we wonder why they hate us.

By the way, I hate those damned Charmin commercials. The ones that say “Enjoy the go!” How the hell are we supposed to “enjoy the go” when the “go” costs a frickin’ arm and a leg? We’re literally crapping money!

But I don’t have to worry about that anymore because I think I’m finally on a Medium roll. It’s happening for me people and I couldn’t be more thrilled. As in HAPPY FOR MYSELF! Boo-rah!

Let me tell you how did it: I didn’t write squat. That’s my secret! I decided to take the month of December off because of the holidays and also, I wanted to catch up on one of my screenplays. It’s been moldering for months because of my slavish devotion to Medium.

(Those stories under my byline? I don’t know how they got here. Swear to God. I didn’t write shit last month. No writing for me. Maybe it was my muse. She’s a nefarious witch who thinks she has my best interests in mind but I’m not sure she can be trusted.)

Let’s talk about stats for a moment. Oh, those little mofos. Necessary evils, but mofos nonetheless.

Like so many of you, I do my damndest to not obsess over the numbers. And also, like so many of you, I fail miserably. I do suffer from OCD, after all. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I have a bit of a masochistic streak, therefore checking my stats fills me with a kind of evil glee.

“How do you like them apples, Sherry? Here. Want to take another look? Go ahead, they’re still ca ca.”

Maybe now would be a good time to blame my occasionally being “over-served” to my wimpy stats. When my numbers are low, I gotta get high. What’s a hard-working, over-reaching, under-appreciated writer to do?

But, according to the peek I took (with one eye closed, the good one), I’m no longer under-appreciated! I made a thousand bucks for NOT writing in December!

How can this be? Is it a miracle? Should I care or should I just break out the bubbly, blow some balloons (simmer down, men) and celebrate my sudden good fortune? Buy a year’s worth of Turmeric with Bioprene on Amazon Prime. Get a decent haircut. Sit on my ass not writing while other people clean my house.

As much as I want to believe I deserve this dough, there’s a thought niggling away at my brain that maybe, just maybe, I should get in touch with “yourfriends@medium” and check that this is legit. After all, as I’ve stated on many an occasion —

I don’t want to do anything untoward.

After all, who makes money on this platform for NOT writing? So how is it that I did? Even my favorites scribes like Helen Cassidy Page, P.G. Barnett, Kristi Keller, Rasheed Hooda, Estacious(Charles White), Roz Warren, Robin Klammer, Hawkeye Pete Egan B., Stephen Sovie, Leslie Wibberley, Edie Tuck, Susan Brearley, Daphelba DeBeauvoir, Don Feazelle — and so many more — have to pump out content to get paid. So why me?

Why is Medium’s Partner Program basically “giving” me a grand for doing nothing?

Oh, man. Oh boy. Something just occurred to me. Some of my stories about this platform have been less than flattering. I mean, I love writing here. I do. But I say it as I see it and perhaps, some of the things I’ve said have been “misinterpreted.” I mean no offense. I’m just speaking my truth. Isn’t that what we writers are supposed to do?

Holy crap. Maybe…this “making a grand for writing nothing” thing isn’t a miracle after all. Maybe Medium wants me to just go away.

Damn it. I get it now. THIS IS “HUSH MONEY!”

Not on your life, Medium.

My thanks to Kristi Keller for inspiring me to write this. By the way, since apparently I’m more believable than even I believed — this is bullshit. If I ever do make a grand here, I’ll be thanking this wonderful community for the support and encouragement. Boo-rah!

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this, here’s more.

Humor
Writing On Medium
Stats
Satire
Writers On Medium
Recommended from ReadMedium