How Cheaters React to Being Cheated On
Being confronted with the same human failings in their partners elicits a surprising reaction.
It is astonishing that having “fallen” themselves, cheaters turn out to be least likely to be understanding of their partner’s indiscretion. Astonishing, that they will not take a pause and reflect on the reasons why their partner also cheated, or bring the necessary understanding and forgiveness to the table so as to focus on healing and moving on.
Cheaters are likely to do none of those things. In fact, as research shows, they are more likely to dump their partners for giving in to the same temptations or impulses they did when they breached the monogamous arrangement. A curios thing, the cheater is.
How it happens
Cheaters get cheated on in two ways:
- one, they happen to be hitched to other cheaters like themselves, and
- two, their partners find out about their infidelity and they too cheat to get even. (This revenge cheating sort of backfires in real life because the revenge cheater can then end up with feelings of anger, fearful anxiety, and even remorse-but that’s another story)
How they find out
They find out when the revenge cheaters throw the retaliatory affair in their faces for maximum emotional damage. This is what 54% of revenge cheaters do according to Illicit Encounters, the UK’s largest married dating site.
In any case, cheaters usually develop a deeply suspicious nature stemming either from their deep-seated fear of betrayal or their feelings of personal superiority. An assumed superiority that leads them to believe firmly that since they cheat, everyone else cheats or will cheat as well and their minds are closed to the possibility that is not the case.
“This is what 54% of revenge cheaters do according to ‘Illicit Encounters’, the UK’s largest married dating site.”
How they react
The team of researchers from Penn State and Florida State Universities investigated the effects on relationships of extradyadic sex (cheating in plain English) analyzed data from 8301 heterosexual “spouses and cohabiters.” What they found was that respondents were more likely to associate the end of the relationship with their partner’s cheating but not with their own infidelity, and that this association was consistent regardless of the respondent’s gender or whether they were actually spouses or cohabiters.
According to Michelle Frisco, one of the study’s authors, “people seem to prefer to play the cheater over the cheated on.” In the same vein when speaking to Metro.co.uk, Fran, 25, who has cheated before but will not hesitate to dump a cheating partner declared, “from my own history of it, I think cheating is a sign of a deeper-seated issue, so if someone cheated on me, the relationship would definitely be over.” It’s like saying, yeah I can cheat but I will not tolerate being cheated on!
“What they found was that respondents were more likely to associate the end of the relationship with their partner’s cheating but not their own infidelity…”
“It’s like saying, yeah I can cheat but I will not tolerate being cheated on!”
Conclusion
“Do unto others as you can bear to be done onto you” is clearly gospel that cheaters do not subscribe to. A relationship can survive violations and trust can be painstakingly rebuilt but for it to endure, forgiveness must also be part of the mix.
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