Don’t Make This Comment to the Children of Divorce

It’s destructive and it’s misinformed

I’m incredibly fortunate. I did not grow up hearing this term. Despite being the child of a single mother. It was spoken but never about my family. At least, not within earshot.

No one said it to me.

On the contrary, the people who knew our mother praised her. They made it clear how wonderful her children were too. I was never made to feel less than.

It’s an ancient term that’s been in existence since the mid-1800s.

It’s the worst comment to make to or about children of divorce.

It’s destructive and misinformed.

I’ve spent more than a decade in the counseling and research of love, relationships, and divorce. I transitioned professionally from a marketing consultant, freelance journalist, and former business columnist, to a relationship columnist.

I’ve devoted myself to this expertise.

In 10 years, I’ve seen little change in divorce stereotypes and struggles.

It’s disappointing and discouraging.

When I heard this particular term spoken recently, what shocked me most was the individual saying it. This person was divorced. The divorce didn’t occur until the children were grown.

Maybe that’s why they didn’t feel it was derogatory.

Maybe they didn’t believe it applied to their situation.

Or to their children.

“Well,” said this individual. “You know that’s what happens to kids who grow up in a broken home.”

There’s nothing positive about the term broken home.

It will only serve to diminish children of divorce.

It will make them feel less than.

This term became more commonplace in the twentieth century, especially during the 1950s. This is likely due to the increase in divorce rates from the start of the twentieth century when divorce became less forbidden and shocking.

It was becoming more societally tolerable.

But that’s about all.

Society still has an archaic perception of divorce.

The vast majority still associate divorce and a single-parent household with a broken home. They still believe all the negative connotations that accompany this term.

They label the children of divorce.

They imply that they are disadvantaged and troubled.

Grown adults, married people, and others casually fling this damaging term.

Without any thought to how destructive it is.

Often it’s said with an air of superiority. As if they have somehow gotten life, relationships, marriage, and parenting right. As if they have mastered what some of us unfortunate single parents have failed at.

Their children will do better and be better.

Because they have escaped this devastating moniker.

But they are misinformed.

Children of divorce aren’t from a broken home.

They are from a healthier home than they lived in before. They are in a calmer home. They are in a more predictable home. They are in a more peaceful home.

They are in a more loving home.

A home free of conflict between two adults.

It’s not a life sentence. It’s an emancipation from emotional turbulence. It’s two parents attempting to set a better example. Ironically, it’s the example that many unhappy couples who choose to remain married for their kid’s sake continue to model.

They live with perpetual conflict.

Because the word divorce, aka broken home, is taboo.

As the child of divorce, I’m grateful I was never burdened with this term.

I grew up never being limited. Instead, I was complimented on my strength, values, and tenacity. My mother was encompassed by people who testified to her strength, values, tenacity, and parenting.

She was never made to feel less than.

Because she was more than — she stood where two should stand and did it well.

My children will never be made to feel less than.

Because they are more than — they are strong, tenacious, and inspiring.