OPINION

Donald Trump Had A Change of Heart And UnBanned Me From His Platform Truth Social

He’s terrified he got caught violating his free speech principle

Hi users,

This is the second opinion piece we published in 2 weeks. Clearly, we’re running out of satire ideas and need a break.

But the world has gotten too exciting that we need to provide our opinions on it.

First of, Donald Trump, or the man who is so rich that he can get away with anything in plain sight, is now under hot water when America discovered the emperor has no clothes. It took 76 years to realize this, but hey. Better late than never.

Trump has finally faced accountability for his crime when a Manhattan grand jury indicted him to appear for his white collar crime. Turns out Trump misappropriated campaign funds to hire adult star Stormy Daniels as his escort. Who knew Trump was inspired by the legacy Democrat Bill Clinton left?

We were stunned that the jury is indicting Trump on this crime, as it is not the worst crime he committed. Sexually abusing minors on Epstein Island and leading a terrorist coup in Jan 6, 2021 come to mind. Seriously, will Trump go to jail for fucking a porn star? This is like arresting Al Capone for tax fraud.

Nevertheless, we never thought to see Trump finally being held accountable. We can cross off a square on our 2023 Events Bingo card.

Speaking of surprise 2023 events related to Trump, we have some exciting news

Your’s truly got unbanned from Trump’s social network Truth Social!

How did we get here?

Below is our prior article detailing the backstory.

To summarize, we posted our satire on Truth Social, angering MAGAs in the process. One of them got so butthurt by our truth that he/she reported us to the mods.

After 2 months of promoting our work, we received this email.

Your Truth Social account was banned for violating our Terms of Service.

In particular, our AI determined that you violated Section 8 Prohibited Activities: “5.) your Contributions are not unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, pyramid schemes, chain letters, spam, mass mailings, or other forms of solicitation.”

Naturally, we followed up with this response.

With all due respect, there’s nothing I’m promoting or spamming.

I share the truth just like everyone else on the platform. Yet, I’m kicked out for promoting facts.

I’ve seen people share anti-vaccination messages or pyramid schemes to invest in NFTs. I’ve seen fake reports of Joe Biden being a lesbian, Hunter Biden being a meth head, and Raphael Edward Cruz being a self-respecting smart man.

So I’ll ask again. What’s wrong with my facts?

We sent this on March 14th. We didn’t bother to check our email until two weeks later. We saw this response sent on March 16th.

Dear User,

You violated our Terms of Service, triggering an automatic ban of your Truth Social account.

After careful review, we have reinstated your account. We are glad to have you back on Truth Social!

Thank you,

Truth Social Support

Moral of the story. It doesn’t matter if I post news that mocks conservatives. It doesn’t matter if I piss of Republicans. It doesn’t matter if I hurt MAGA’s feelings.

Regardless of our completely different backgrounds, we all can still bond over our mutual hatred of Raphael Edward Cruz.

We thank Trump for his surprising display of common sense. If there’s only ONE positive thing we can take away from the Trump administration, is its freedom to say WHATEVER they want.

Whether it’s “grabbing women by the pussy.”

Or “voter fraud.”

Or “covfefe.”

Trump has vowed to protect the First Amendment and secure his right to look like an idiotic, racist rapist. We would like to not be seen as moronic criminals, but hey. To each their own.

We’ve been unbanned from a white nationalist platform. Is this how African-Americans felt when they ended the Jim Crow laws?

To celebrate this historic achievement, we’ll share a piece that all the MAGAmorons will enjoy.

If you want to read this satire, click on the link below.

Why would we share this piece first? Our goal is to get MAGAmorons to share this piece based on the title. We know we have a disclaimer at the bottom, but we’re confident that MAGAmorons are too dumb to read that far in.

We want visibility. There’s no such thing as bad publicity. What better way to do so than to share our work with the convicted ex-president himself?

But why stop there? We see a handful of trending tags on this platform. Let’s share some of our other work!

Links to these pieces are below.

Many people can be banned from platforms. But very few can be banned, then unbanned.

And certainly, there’s no one that can say he/she has been banned, then unbanned, then banned again. We’ll do what we can to be the first.

~ Ellie Salvaje

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