Making Sense Of Discipline
Discipline as an extension of surrendering the infantile will (not to strengthen it)
I think one takes up discipline
when one is ready to relax their infantile will and expectations
They see that they are at life’s mercy
and might as well cooperate with nature’s way — the matured way
be it writing, learning, mental health, or anything at all
we do it to get better at getting out of the way
— prioritizing the natural way things can unfold.
This does not mean I take up any discipline
since it sounds very nice to the same infantile ego
to get things done quickly
to achieve my success before such and such age
or to improve the infant
or such infant fantasies
That is still glorifying “undiscipline”
If you take up discipline because it sounds like a great strategy to avoid seeing your unconscious commitment to the very infantile forces within you and hyperfocus to get shit done as you want — you aren’t shit disciplined.
Not that anyone’s infantile itchings go away straightaway
because, you know, I am now doing discipline— No.
As a matter of fact what we face initially
when we take up a discipline
are these infantile reactions.
So if we had truly understood the importance of discipline
If we are doing it as part of growing
— there is only one growth; nature’s way,
the other one is mere image building —
and not for image building
then mostly our first task would be to tolerate our itchings.
Not to think I earned the right to suppress the annoying itchings
because I do not have the patience to go in a natural way
then that totally misses the point of discipline.
We had taken up discipline without the slightest clue or because someone wrote or said something about it.
If I can’t tolerate seeing my own infantile reflexes
and so force to resist them and do the thing
and call it a victory for the day
then how the hell would that be discipline?
That is the same infant in a new cloth.
After all, one takes up discipline
so that he could afford to be patient
— to take it easy in its own time.
Otherwise, what is the point?
One takes up discipline out of love and respect.
Not for self-respect or self-esteem.
Respect for the larger picture or just reality — trusting life
to finally be ready to be at mercy of life— to stop being clever
and thus surrendering our infantile itchings.
If this isn’t the attitude for discipline to promote growth
as an extension of our readiness to grow
then I don’t know what it is.
“It is essential […] that discipline should not be practiced like a rule imposed on oneself from the outside, but that it becomes an expression of one’s own will; that it is felt as pleasant, and that one slowly accustoms oneself to a kind of behavior which one would eventually miss, if one stopped practicing it.”― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
“In philosophy if you aren’t moving at a snail’s pace you aren’t moving at all. ”― Iris Murdoch






