Anxiety Attacks

The Infantile Itching To Do The Thing

anxiety challenges status quo if growth includes challenging status quo then anxiety is a growth process but we are bombarded with “doings” from those who hadn’t suffered or risked such suffering because they managed to successfully close the gap where any growth can happen at all

as soon as the slightest signal of anxiety arise we assume it is wrong and meaningless I am supposed to fix it I don’t deserve this to have anxiety is being a loser who did not get it fixed is the popular selfhelpy idea and so to win and to “do growth” means getting over anxiety (we are taught) it sounds very appealing and understandably enough we are given the “things to do” if we could do the thing then we can beat anxiety is what we are told be it focus trick or counting from 0 to god knows what until I reach home or any mind tricks or desensitizing tricks a fixing mindset is an unwillingness to learn and grow — a fixed mindset nothing to do with real growth

anyone who has at least accidentally used his brain occasionally very well know that it is a kind of weak strength — a copout strategy real strength can only come into being if at all we could drop the doings the methods, tricks, and all, with regards to anxiety we blindly believe that the ability to do the trick is strength in short, we are saying: we do not have the courage to let it be we do not even want to see if we have that capacity I cannot tolerate it but I like to talk about growing up, pain, etc. I want to be in the good boy club without risking I want to have the cake and eat it too we would rather rationalize it away and “do the thing” anyone who is sincere in the real sense would know applying tricks is not genuine strength

if I am feeling the arrival of an anxiety attack the uncomfortable feeling in my chest then, any “doings” with regards to that attack is going to be an exercise in weak strength including thinking “what to do “ because any doings prevent myself from seeing if I have the capacity to go through it and I cannot force myself to go through it with popular success guaranteed techniques which would be weak strength whereas an exercise in true strength would mean, to see if I have the capacity in reality but we don’t like that after all, what if I see I do not have much capacity the bad feelings and my infantile tantrums will fly around my head this can be seen as an excuse or laziness or stubborn refusal to the growth process growth has nothing to do with applying a winning formula and making myself safe

a social anxiety sufferer might compare himself with someone who does not seem to have social anxiety and would think if only I can be like them but all that glitters isn’t gold the other person might not have allowed himself to be challenged enough (internally) so as to suffer social anxiety in the first place they might have developed all the weapons and strategies to not let the unfortunate shitty aspects associated with growth not occur being an expert in suppressing doubts and intuitions does not indicate strength.

but make no mistakes we cannot destroy stubborn habits habits that weaken us all of a sudden we cannot start doing “not-doing” not a chance and what's the difference if we use it as another trick, anyway but we can be open to noticing it even notice the stubborn refusal to notice without “doing the thing” — way to bring consciousness into the equation

as soon as thoughts throw an imaginary problem we are compulsively driven to solve it forgetting to see if we have the capacity to bear the problem in the first place

yes, so anxiety does attack but only our infantile itching if we are honest we can see whether we are serving the devil or the god.

That which is real cannot be destroyed, but only that which is unreal. When a man finds that within him which is real, which is constant, abiding, changeless, and eternal, he enters into that Reality, and becomes meek. All the powers of darkness will come against him, but they will do him no hurt, and will at last depart from him.Meekness is a divine quality, and as such is all powerful. — James Allen, Book of Meditations: For Every Day of the Year

The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does. — Aldous Huxley