The difference between being content and being happy

Are you happy where you’re at in life? Or are you simply content? Believe it or not, there’s a big difference and it matters.

by: E.B. Johnson

All throughout our lives we chase relationships and experiences that are meant to bring us happiness. More often than not, though, we find ourselves settling into a comfortable state of contentment (if we’re lucky). This contentment is not happiness, nor is it necessarily the best place for us to exist. In order for us to find our ultimate fulfillment and meaning, we have to discover the difference between being comfortable and actually being happy.

Happiness and contentment are not the same thing. And although we talk ourselves into staying in places that are more comfortable than rewarding, this rarely works out well for us. We are not meant to stay stuck in the same places. As humans, we are always growing and changing both mentally and emotionally. Do you feel as though the life you’re in is not your own? That’s because you haven’t truly discovered happiness yet, and where your authentic path lies.

Happiness and contentment aren’t the same.

From the time we are small, we are taught that seeking happiness is the ultimate pursuit in our lives. We’re taught to ignore uncomfortable feelings and seek the easiest and most accessible partners. We are a species that likes to be comfortable, but we often make the deadly mistake of confusing this comfort with happiness. The more we allow ourselves to be lulled into comfort, the further away our destiny moves from us.

Happiness and contentment are not created equal. You can be content in a relationship, but not happy. You can find a job that is materially rewarding, without being internally fulfilling. True happiness comes when we find balance in these things. We need to feel as though the work and relationships we contribute to the world are worthwhile.

To accept that you are content but not happy is to see reality as it really is. It’s stepping out of the bubble that you’ve made for yourself and admitting that there is more you could do for yourself and your future goals. Tapping into a deeper, more authentic happiness isn’t easy. As a matter of fact, it can come with far more than building contentment alone. We have to look at the big picture, though. Would you rather be comfortable for a little while, or happy forever? You’re the only one who can make the choice and put in the work.

What a happy life looks like vs. a content one.

A happy life and a content one are not really the same. While on the outside we may look as though we are thriving and well, it becomes a different reality entirely on the inside — where you waste away with longing for all the things you haven’t allowed yourself to attain. Being happy means aligning ourselves with our environments. Doing this requires first understanding how true happiness can benefit us enough to disrupt our comfort, though.

More fulfilling relationships

When you’re actually happy (versus simply content) your relationships take on a while new life across the board. You’ll be more engaged, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people whom you find to be more engaging. That’s because when we’re truly happy, we feel fulfilled inside. This, in turn, leads us to pursue healthier relationship, and encourages us adopt healthier habits within that relationship (like standing up for yourself or speaking out when something is wrong).

Inner sense of calm

Believe it or not, true happiness comes with an inner sense of calm that contentment just can’t muster. This happiness is an impervious one, which is not disrupted by minor inconveniences or major disruptions. It’s continuous and unbreakable. It’s a confident sense of calm that is attached to a person who is completely aware of who they are and what they are capable of…which turns out to be quite a lot more than they expected.

Greater effort, higher reward

Happiness and contentment can look very much like the same thing, but they truly differ in a number of ways. One of the most important ways in which true happiness differs from contentment is in the amount of effort it takes to secure the things that we need. It’s true that things come with more effort when it comes to building a happy life, but they also come with a greater mental, physical, or emotional reward. When you settle for a life of morose comfort, you wind up with very little to show for it in the end.

Finding the deeper meaning

Are you living in a content, but not “happy” life? Do you often feel a nagging sense of being unfulfilled, or the feeling that you’re missing out on something important. These can be signs that you haven’t yet made contact with your deeper meaning or purpose. We all have a life here that is fulfilling, and that helps us to put action out into the world in order to receive good feedback. When you don’t have this cycle, you can begin to feel stuck and “hungry” for something you can’t name. Being happy makes it possible to find and make contact with your deeper meaning or purpose.

Minding physical health

Living a life that is full of stress or unhappiness can lead you down a long road into physical decay. As we try to juggle it all, we lose touch with ourselves and lose touch with our physical and emotional self-care. Our health soon begins to dwindle. That’s not the case when we’re happy, though. Because you’re at peace, you may experience fewer physical complications, such as those that come along with a stressful or miserable life. This boost to hand, it can become easier for you to face and deal with your health (ie running, hiking, keeping yourself fit).

Shifting our focus from a content life to a happy one.

Getting to a future that brings us peace and fulfillment is possible, but only with some forward thinking and inner compassion. We have to be honest about where we’re at and commit to no more settling. Beyond that, we have to formulate a plan of action and keep our thinking big-picture focused all the time.

1. Be honest about where you’re at

Before you can figure out whether you’re truly happy with your life, you need to be honest about where you’re at in it. That takes analyzing and looking within. You can to pinpoint your needs and then turn those needs outward for comparison. Does the life you’ve built bring you fulfillment? Do you feel like you are where you’re supposed to be, or where you have to? There’s a big difference, and the potential answers are not equal.

Take a total inventory of your life. Scan your emotions, analyze your relationships, and question every aspect of your environment. Is it a good fit? Do your relationships authentically bring you peace and support, or are they more of a poor fit than you like to admit to yourself?

Be brutally honest with yourself. Look into the deepest and darkest parts of your subconscious. You know when you aren’t really getting the full extent of what you need. Stop burying the feeling away. Stop looking away and stop settling. We aren’t meant to be miserable, and we’re not meant to suffer in the name of someone else’s idea of happiness. Be honest with yourself. Are you really in the place you want to be?

2. Commit to no more settling

Settling is the most common reason that we allow ourselves to fall into overly comfortable situations or relationships. We settle for all kinds of reasons. Perhaps we have a low sense of self-esteem and think we can’t do any better than the half-hearted partners and opportunities we’ve set up for ourselves. On the other hand, we can find ourselves settling because we’re lazy, or because it’s the only type of pattern that was ever modeled or handed down to us.

You have to commit to letting go of your need to settle. You don’t have to accept a partner who doesn’t love you for who you are. You don’t have to spend your life toiling away in a career that makes you wish you could disappear altogether. Human life isn’t supposed to be an endless struggle. It’s okay to get what you want. You have a right to it, and you deserve it.

Embracing this truth is the only way to get on the path to authentic happiness. Until you believe that it’s okay for you to thrive, you’ll continue to put yourself in bad situations with people who aren’t aligned to your deeper needs and your deeper truths. Rebuild your self-esteem from the ground up, and use this new courage to empower you and motivate you. The future doesn’t have to be defined by what others want, or what they expect.

3. Formulate a plan of action

The fact of the matter remains that you will never become truly happy if you don’t shift yourself from your state of contentment. Contentment isn’t enough. And it shouldn’t be. It’s a place we should only dwell in temporarily; it’s a place we should park only long enough to rest and recharge our batteries. To get where we need to be, though, we have to move and this movement means action.

Tired of being content? Good. You need to formulate a plan of action so that you can assume your rightful place in the scheme of things. Where are you in this moment? Where are you trying to go? In-between those two points are the answers we should be seeking.

Figure out your ultimate goal and look backward. What next steps or new skills do you need to tackle in order to get yourself on track and at peace with your journey. Break each step down into smaller, more practical parts. What are the easiest and least-controversial moves you can make? What big leaps of faith are going to have to be made? You need to draw yourself a road map and fill it with all your action hotspots.

4. Upgrade your circumstances

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with being content, admitting that we’re simply “content” and not “happy” indicates that we know there’s something better-suited out there for us. When we’re ready to move beyond that comfort level, we have to do so by upgrading our circumstances at some point. If the life you want requires different things in the people and places you’re surrounded by — do what you need to do to change those things.

Upgrade your circumstances. Take yourself into your next plane of being. You don’t need to deck yourself out in new clothes, or take some big risk. You have to upgrade your thinking first and then allow the rest to follow. Good change comes when we’re ready for it, and when we manifest it with our actions.

Know that you have a right to be surrounded by people that make you feel good. You deserve to live somewhere safe, and you deserve to be able to pursue your dreams. Those rights all come standard with being alive, and no one can take them from you. Until you believe them, though, they won’t come into effect for you. Elevate the way you think about yourself and you will elevate your relationships and your opportunities alike.

5. Keep your focus facing forward

So many of us lose sight of our happiness because we don’t keep our eyes up. While you can certainly find happiness in the current moment, our ultimate happiness lies in the future. It lies in the next experience and the next one, as well as all the relationships that are still out there waiting for us. Our definitions of happiness change as time goes on, but we have to keep our heads up and our vision focused if we want to stay in tune with these changes.

Keep your focus facing forward. What’s the next step you need to take to get to where you want to be? How about the next one? Refer back to your plan of action often and make sure that you’re on track. Deadly contentment and comfort happens when we drop the ball and bench ourselves without realizing it.

Always be looking for the next way you can improve your life. The improvement doesn’t mean hopping from relationship-to-relationship. Rather, it means always be questioning your own motives and the movement you’re manifesting in your life. Are you doing what aligns to your emotional happiness? Are you building a life that is authentic to who you are as a person — inside and out? We’re the only ones with the power to change the way we’re living. Get your head up and turn your eyes to the road.

Putting it all together…

As life goes on, we build up lives and relationships that reflect who we are and what we ultimately want from life. At least, that’s what is supposed to happen. What we find more often than not, though, is the temptation to settle for a life that makes us content versus a life that makes us happy. There are core differences between these two concepts, however. Happiness and being content are not created equal. In order to thrive we have to be happy, not simply content.

Be honest about where you’re at and be honest about the real quality of your life. Are you truly happy, or are you just treading water? We should always be seeking to better ourselves and through that the lives of the people who matter most to us. Stop settling for less than you want or deserve and make a commitment to yourself in which you’ll always seek to move toward your greater good. Formulate a plan of action and then use that plan of action to upgrade your personal circumstances. You can get whatever you want from like in terms of input, but you’re first going to have to change the quality of your output. Elevate your thinking and keep yourself facing forward at all times. Our happiness lies on the road, not in the experiences behind us. Get real about what your happiness really looks like and stop settling for toxic contentment.