FICTION
Diary, 1984: March 29th
Against All Odds
Dear Diary,
Yeah. I know it’s been like eeeeeeons since I last wrote, sue me. (NOT to be confused with Sue D. DON’T Sue D. me…that slut-nose prissy stuck-up whoreface shitbag is a bitch. Yeah. I wrote it all out. Because you know what? To quote Droopy Dog — I’m mad. GAWD, I don’t know why I let her get to me so much.
I’m in a funk. F.U. — N.K.
(From a few days ago:)
So, last weekend, there was a dance in the gym of Notre Dame Elementary School. Why was it in an elementary school, you ask? Because my town is DUMB. No idea. And the stupid ass DJ played Led Zeppelin twice.
GAG.
Me.
With.
A.
Pitchfork.
So. A lot of shit went down. I don’t even know where to start.
First, when we got to the dance — it was pretty quiet. Sal and I were walking around and suddenly she got me laughing and I peed my pants! Then because Sally was laughing so hard when I peed, SHE peed her pants. I died. Thank god it wasn’t a lot. I just kind of squished my underwear into it a bit. I advised her to do the same, but she looked at me weird. I dunno. Maybe english people wear big granny bloomers or something? No idea.
So THEN, remember when I said I thought Kristine and Kristen were cool? Well. Kristine is a big fat slutbag. She was in the corner HELLO making out with Smillew. Like, her tongue was down his throat. GROSS. Not that Smillew’s gross, he’s pretty cute really, but she is such a SLUT. It’s like she thinks she’s one of the top 10 sexiest girls at EV Medium Jr. High or something. And she knows that Preeti likes Smillew. And she went after him anyway??? And then I look over in the corner and Kristen is all asking Bicho if she can touch his abs and asking him to speak french to her.
I’m sorry. I mean. Accosting the cute new boy before he has a chance to figure out which one of us he likes best? That’s not fair. But then Ade saw Kristen flirting and she got all protective and mad and pulled Bicho away before Kristen could do anymore damage.
Later on, Preeti was in the restroom and guess who came in while she was in the stall? That’s right. Witch 1 and Witch 2 — and I’m not talking about the Sues. AND THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!! Pee said that she flushed the toilet, walked out quietly, washed her hands — and they just stared at her in horror. GOOD. Like Pee wouldn’t tell me? She’s like my second best friend next to Sal.
Of course, when Pee told me about them in the bathroom, I had to tell her about Witchstine and Smillew making out in the corner earlier. I felt so bad because then — right as Against All Odds started to play — she burst into tears and ran to the lobby. She fell right to the floor sobbing into her hands.
Sally and I followed her and tried to comfort her and I swear the Witches walked by with big smirks on their faces.
They crossed the wrong girl.
I looked at Sally and Pee and I told them I’d be right back. I marched into the gym and looked for Smillew. There he was in the back corner chatting with Bicho and G.
I said: Hey asshole, you made Preeti cry.
“Why are you calling me an asshole? I didn’t do anything,” he responded.
Gaurav smirked at me and was all, “Why are you so worked up?”
I said: What is wrong with you guys? Why are you acting so mean?
G responded: Why are you looking for a fight? We are just standing here minding our own business and you’re like all crazy.
I said: You are not minding your own business. Stay out of it.
Then they all laughed at me. I kept getting madder and madder.
Then I said: We are supposed to be your friends!
Smillew just looked all smug. G was smirking and laughing. And Bicho looked like a deer caught in headlights. I don’t think he knew what to do.
I looked at Smillew and finally asked: Why did you make out with that bitch Kristine when you know Preeti likes you?
He didn’t even respond with words. He looked at me like I was crazy and did like a shrug gesture with his arms. THEN THEN THEN THEN….
WITCHSTINE sauntered over and draped her arm over Smillew’s shoulder.
Ya know what? She can have him. Pee is better off. And as for G? I’m pissed he’d act like that. I wasn’t looking for a fight! Gawd, he was being so sexist!
I felt sorry for Bicho getting caught up in that. I looked at him and mouthed sorry then went to find Sal and Pee so we could leave.
The whole night sucked so bad and I’ve been in a funk ever since. Nobody is even talking to each other.
You could say…we are all Against All Odds.
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The story, names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this diary are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and experiences is intended or should be inferred. Kind of. The borrowing of likenesses belonging to writers across Medium including, but not limited to the following, is purely for fun:
Preeti Ramachandran, Sally Prag, Kristine Laco, Kristen Stark, Gaurav Jain, Smillew Rahcuef, BichoDoMato, and Adelina Vasile