SUPER FICTION

Diary, 1984: April, 2nd—I Hate Slutbags

My So-Called Friends, Leaky Periods, and That Babe Bicho

Dear Diary,

I hate my life. I hate everyone. It’s Saturday night and I’m in all alone and I DON’T CARE.

I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM. (Except Bicho. I’m kinda liking him right now. But I haven’t even told Sal that.) I mean, ever since I found out he was playing bass, like, to quote Lionel Richie:

Hello? Is it ME you’re waiting for?

Walnut called to tell me that Reuben is having a party at his house tonight. I’m so mad at everyone though, I just can’t to the max. So lame. I did weigh my options — there is a rumor that Bicho the Babe-o and Smellew might be joined by this high school dude named Rodrigo S-C who plays drums. Hopefully he’s not like a bad boy. We’ve got enough of those sniffing around right now. Probably because Kristine throws off her used up slutbag scent.

UGHHHHHHHHHH!

What happened you ask?

I mean, the drama, drama, drama just continues, doesn’t it? And everyone is getting involved and just making it all the more dramatic. It’s, like, soap opera much? Oh my god. So anyway, I’m tired, so I’m gonna just cut to the chase. Since the dance:

1. SMELLew and Witchsine are going out. THEY BELONG TOGETHER.
2. Preeti and Reuben like each other. But they are all shy about it. It’s kinda cute.
3. G just doesn’t want to be any part of this right now, but he can’t help but to shoot off his mouth during the most dramatic moments, why? Speaking of him — yesterday he mooned Janet and Anjali. We were able to identify G’s Indian ass, but the other skinny white butt could have been one of a thousand EV Medium students. There have been guesses around Medium. I think it might be that stoner kid Hogan, myself.
4. Witchsten is just a poor pathetic Kristine follower. I’ll bet she’d be nice if someone threw water at Kristine so she’d melt. Then Kristen would be released from her flying monkey spell. Kristen is a total backstabber, but I swear it’s because of that evil slut she hangs out with. She’s also getting a fat butt from all those Doritos she’s eating.
5. Bee has suddenly switched from violin lessons to piano and voice. It’s like she thinks she’s some sort of rich musical genius or something. Gag me.
6. Sal is Sal. She and I are totally going to start a burn book. I don’t like her brother anymore. What was his name again?
7. I don’t like Nick Rhodes anymore either. I’m going to be Mrs. John Taylor. He’s so hot. I love bass players.
8. What else? Some arseholes (thanks, Sal!) were messing with Ade at school yesterday. I don’t put up with that. I’m going to screw with them so much. They’ll wish they hadn’t teamed up that way.
9. One of the reasons I don’t want to go to Reuben’s tonight is Kristine convinced him to burn my Duran Duran trapper keeper with his stupid cigarette. She gets off on getting people to do whatever she wants. She’s such a bullllllly. Honestly, I don’t think she’s fooling anyone. Not me anyway. It’s like she’s playing Smillew. You can tell she’s into Reuben. Dude, I’ll bet they’d totally do a threesome with him. Grody to the max. I totally just vomited in my mouth.

Speaking of max. There is another problem. A serious one that I don’t know how to deal with. And yah, who does it have to deal with? That bitch Kristine. I can’t believe I thought we could be friends. She started spreading a rumor around school that I leaked my period at school. That’s not true. So embarrassing. What’s worse is, I have even gotten that yet. AT ALL. No wonder she’s been fingered 8 million times. Now they’re all calling me “leaky kiki.” So dumb. Then Kristen was laughing about something about me wearing diapers???? UGH.

We all almost had another fight when Susan came out of nowhere and stopped it. She’s so mysterious. We never see her, but I just love Susan. She’s the coolest.

I dunno.

Sally wants us to all be friends, which really ticks me off. She’s supposed to be loyal to ME.

They all suck right now. They don’t care. They don’t even care that I’m not there.

On another note — I don’t know if I should tell Bicho I like him or not. To risk ruining a friendship, that…is the question.

Please, diary, keep this between us.

OK. I’m bored. Gotta go! TTYL!

LYLAS,

KiKi

Need to peak through the rest of the diary? Check out the rest of the installments here!

The story, names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this diary are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and experiences is intended or should be inferred. Kind of. The borrowing of likenesses belonging to writers across Medium including, but not limited to the following, is purely for fun: BichoDoMato, Sally Prag, Preeti Ramachandran, Gaurav Jain, Susan McCorkindale, Adelina Vasile, Anjali Joshi, Smillew Rahcuef, Hogan Torah, Reuben Salsa, Rodrigo S-C, Kristen Stark, and Kristine Laco

Here are some fun stories from the gang referenced in today’s diary post: