Do You Know What A Narcissist Is? You Should!
9 Terrible things a narcissist does. Day 25
I just started leaving an update in all of my previous ‘Depression’ articles. It introduced readers to narcissism and asked them to click the links to learn about it if they didn’t know already.
I thought it was extremely important to those who have never heard of it. Because I am going through the pain of being with one for 4 years and if I can get people to avoid it by leaving the narcissist the first time they see a red flag, then it makes me feel better. And, believe me, I need anything to help me to feel better as I try to get myself back to a semi-happy person again.
They say getting over a narcissistic relationship is like overcoming drug addiction. If a drug addiction causes you severe anxiety, depression, feeling unworthy, and panic breathing, then I would have to agree.
Some traits of a narcissistic person are:
- They love bomb you
- Lack of empathy, compassion, sympathy
- Are very charming and great conversationalists
- They ridicule you, criticize, put you down
- They gaslight you
- They try not to define the relationship
- They think they are right all the time
- They rarely or never apologize
- They think they are smarter and better than you
Let’s dig deeper into these traits so you can more clearly understand them.
They love bomb you
In the beginning, they do all they can to overly express to you how much they like/love you, how great you are at this or that, and at how they can’t believe they’ve finally met that special person. Love bombing also happens after a fight in order to get you back.
Lack of empathy, sympathy, compassion
Some people can’t imagine that another person would fake being sad for someone or fake being in love with someone. Until you’ve met a narcissist you may think that. But, narcissists do not show true love or empathy. You will realize this after seeing them toss you aside the day after they say they can’t live without you.
I was confused and frustrated when this happened to me for the first time a few years ago. I had no education on narcissism or thought that people didn’t mean what they said. Especially, ‘I love you.’ So, I stayed in the relationship and got hurt again and again and again and again.
But, after the love bomb phase, you are addicted to their love, really believe this is your true love and it must be a glitch or a mistake that they treated you like rudely or like dog shit.
Unless you have researched narcissism you will stay with them and get worse. Your brain gets rewired to give your partner an excuse and let it go because you are hoping for some love from them ASAP. And in a day or two, you probably will be rewarded.
Narcissists are charming
They have excellent social skills and very easily talk and make friends. It is actually impressive how they are able to ask the right questions and show so much interest/care in the other person’s life. The way they spoke to you at the beginning of the relationship.
But, after you fall in love and they start to grow bored with you, they lose interest. The loving comments, affection, and even sex start to slow down. Then, the devaluing, ignoring, and hurt begins.
Narcissists need to keep you down
They will insult you, criticize you, put you down, and make you feel like you’re wrong about anything they can think of. As long as you are doubting yourself and feeling low, they are happy. It’s a very hard thing to understand but they need to feel one up on you and they feed off of your emotional stress and anxiety over what they’ve said to you.
Narcissists are gas lighters
Gaslighting means that they tell you something different than what you thought. If you say that we agreed to go at 8, they’ll say 9. And they will say it very strongly so that you do actually question your memory, your sanity. Another example would be they said they hated cheddar cheese. But, then they’ll tell you that they love it and how could you think that.
Gaslighting is a very strong and hideous thing. Especially, when it is done time after time for years. The phrase, death by 1000 cuts, fits what gaslighting does to your mind.
Narcissists don’t want a relationship
What they do is let you feel you are in a relationship. But, if you watch them you will see that they do not act like they are. Especially, when they cheat on you. They don’t want to put the relationship on social media or be overly affectionate in public sometimes.
This is why it is so easy for them to break up with you. They have no love or attachment ability. So, saying goodbye means little. Plus, they probably have others, on the side, that they can run to for attention.
A Narcissist thinks they are always right.
It is very hard to talk to or debate with a narcissist because they don’t believe they are ever wrong about anything. Even when you know you are right or if you give strong evidence, they will not concede. They can’t because their disordered brain has been wired to protect them and they must be right to keep that going.
It is a very strange thing. And when you keep arguing you may hit a nerve and cause them to rage, hit, or run away. Writing this is not very easy or fun as I have been through this dozens of times and it hurts.
A Narcissist rarely apologizes.
It goes along with the above statement. They will never apologize and if they do it will be a weak and meaningless comment like, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ It is a very frustrating thing for the other person. They can never be wrong.
A Narcissist thinks they are smarter than people
They think they have learned so much and are so much above people that they don’t have to pay attention or worry about others. My narc would ask me what I think about dating a girl who is smarter. I would laugh and make a joke but she meant it. This makes it easy for them to devalue and use put-downs. Because they don’t think you are of value or respect you. And they need to keep you in stress and keep you down below them. It’s very ugly.
There are many more traits that narcissists have. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, I would recommend that you study narcissism until you fully understand. Because their disordered mind is not the way you think and does not react to how you would.
That is why so many people stay in relationships with a narcissist. Because they don’t know what is going on and continue to believe they are loved or that their partner can change.
Please leave comments if this touches you or if you have any more good advice for others going through a narcissistic relationship.
peace,
