Day 15: Depression And Dependence Pain
Coping with bumping into your X.
Update, May 8, 2022: It’s come to my unfortunate attention that my X has many narcissistic traits. I encourage anyone that is going through a weird and painful relationship to please research narcissism.
No one told me about this and I was clueless. 4 years later I know about narcissism but am paying the very painful price for having dated one. Below are some links for you to learn from. Very helpful and informative.
Narcissist Questions/Answers. / Narcissist Video Help
I hesitated going to the music open jam and hoped she wasn’t there.
I eventually went and there she was playing with her other music partner!
I couldn’t believe they were there and it was crowded.
I sat in the back and she sat in the front and I wanted us to be together again!
I wanted us to be arm in arm and affectionate like the past.
I wanted her to be my girl and in love with me like she used to be!
I can’t explain how much it hurt realizing she hates me!
I could feel awkward emotions in me that were new and hurtful. I wasn’t really thinking in reality these days.
I wondered if I would ever get my head screwed on straight again?
Then I went to play and she agreed to sing with me.
She played tambourine on Rain and then we did a 2nd song.
I made a mistake and we started over. Then when I hit a chord it didn’t sound right??
Tania looked at me like I was the biggest idiot.
We tried it two more times and she put the mic away and sat down leaving me there in the middle of the song.
I was hurt and pissed that she just left the stage!!
She said, ‘dude, you’re playing the wrong chord!’
I just put my guitar away and watched her leave…….
So hurt, so disrespected, so distanced!!!
I hope God has a good reason for showing me all of this cause it really hurts otherwise!!
Drove home, with emotions I never thought existed.
I wanted/needed someone to talk/complain/vent to.
A girl to let me know I am worth something.
Though I knew I had to tell myself I was worth something!
I don’t know what the future will bring but right now, it looks dark.
But, I know things change and sometimes turn out better.
I am trying to think of a better future and just ride out this thing!
peace,
Read some of the works of Dr Mehmet Yildiz