Communication

Are you waiting all day to hear back from them?

Have you ever sat there waiting to hear even a peep from your significant other?

• There are times when you don’t hear back and nothing is wrong
• And there are times when they’re just being — an idiot, really

You can only live with one of those.

But which one are they?

What is the silence?

When it comes to men and women there are literally hundreds of situations each of us can fall into.

I’ve said in a past story that my wife and I have good communication that we have built by getting to know each other, so I’ll use some of our past communication points as an example.

We’ve only been married since 1/1/22, but we both have a certain degree of mutual intention to actually be in a relationship. Plus, we are both complimentary intellectuals.

• There are days when I am going from client-to-client right after the other (I work in mental health / employment support) and I eat lunch while I’m driving those days (I’m not calling anyone then)
• There are times when my wife has an appointment that was not scheduled before work and has not been able to text back for a couple of hours
• There are times when she or I am in training and can’t text
• There were times when she or I did not feel well
• There are times when I’m at church when she is not and there is an hour-fifteen minute gap in the evening
• There are times when she is out with her sister or friends for a dinner (I don’t text during that time unless it’s just a ❤️). I understand many guys don’t know to text that, but that’s part of the reason I’m writing this — I leave her alone during her time and she does the same with my time
• My school schedule: her and I were not married while I was in school; but while I was in school, I ran 2 miles every morning, went into work at 8 and left at 4, made dinner, then jumped into classes. The first year of school I also owned a horse but sold it to a farmer who asked to buy it.
• I still work a full-time job as I’m developing a nonprofit and publishing short stories

We have come to a place to wait until we hear back from the other before making any assumptions. We both understand that when we finally get back to the other, it is common sense to let them in on the inside information (your secret is not safe with me or my wife, from the other. We each come first to the other, so there is no space on planet earth for division). But, most of the time we know the other’s schedule.

Even if you don’t know their schedule, here is something to learn:

I explained to my wife after we were married that when I pursued her, I looked at it as a dance; that if she had never taken a step after me, I would have made another step and another, without her and ended up in a different room. Now, it is a smoother dance where we both are learning each more deeply, so as to not have any layman hesitations. This is how good couples begin to read the other. There has to be a baseline that we can go off of, in order to read someone else that we are in a relationship with. She and I had a pretty good baseline even before we got married.

I’m okay with “games” as men call it, and would have allowed some tease, of course — but if she only did it to me. One thing I looked for was if she treated me different than others — better than others, without any prompting whatsoever. Spouses come first, so while you are dating that should be practiced.

If you are the one that is pushing for 24/7 communication and to know every gas station they stopped at, this is for your significant other:

In conclusion

Give space. As much space as they want. Their heart will tell you if they are right for you.

With this next point I’ll say that both, my wife and I, have someone to talk to, professionally (as 95% of professionals have). I have a psychologist that specializes in neuropsychology and she (my wife) has a licensed therapist. So, without telling you which one, my wife or I in a specific situation, had to discuss with our provider about feeling pushed around, because (her or I) had a past where we could not trust the other person. The professional did agree that her or I’s issue with not hearing back from the other was a “trigger” that was unhealthy.

It is my professional opinion, based on mental health experience and experience in hostile countries where couples still make it work (and some don’t make it back home), you should know whether everything you believe about relationships is healthy or unhealthy. We all want to be healthy, but that is just not the case. Your view might not be.

I missed something?

You might be thinking that I missed something. I did not talk about what if our significant other is a terrible communicator with no reason or rhyme.

The reason I skipped that is that there’s no reason for you to be with them still if they have no healthy reason to not get back to you the next day or after a few days. I understand that women try to fix men, especially after they have given him a part of her because she thought they were official — but, dating is not a good enough reason to give him anything. Take the loss. Firstly, you don’t know the real side of a man until you see him stressed beyond surviving as a lone ranger.

If you are married, seek help. Or ask yourself, “is this how I want to die, always pushed aside?” I know religious people would negate that last part based solely on earthly dispositions because if Jesus does not do to the church what your husband did or does to you, your man has spiritually divorced you already (that is, if God’s realm and dominion are not subject to the little earth He created and will bring to end soon).

“But, how would I know his heart, to know if his reasons are legitimate?” you still might be asking. Is the CIA? No? Then you should know his schedule freely from his mouth, or his nickname for you is “Friday”. The only other legitimate reason is if he has something psychological going on. At that point, the ball is in your court if you have the heart to live with it and be his support.

Hint: your man is not CIA if you are not CIA-wife material. That’s not even a thing.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for the positive comments! Thanks for sharing!!! Thanks for sharing your stories!!!!