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Abstract

erative getting married?Everyone who wants to keep secrets doesn’t love their spouse (and wants the act of love to stoop down to their level so they don’t get found out). Lack of communication opens the door for betrayal. And it will always be taken when optional. This is not Hollywood. The chances a spouse is picked due to their spouse being an operative is really bad luck. Better chance with other things in life happening that are known to happen every 35 years or to 1 in 1,000,000 qualified people.Without disclosure life can divide the spouses. It is seen in the Sons of Anarchy and most every other Hollywood movie. The reason why real-life usually works better than movies is the stupidity of the script.Example: Spouse A does not talk to Spouse B about Party 1 threatening to expose exhibit A. Party 1 approaches Spouse B and discloses exhibit A, but lies about it and turns it on Spouse A, getting Spouse B to disclose harmful information about Spouse A because they are thinking they are doing the right thing.If Spouse A would have been upfront about the threat, life would have been peachy and spouse B might not have exposed themselves to the threat and potentially died, kidnapped, or given harmful information away. All Spouse A had to do was say, “Party 1 is being investigated. Steer clear until both, you and I, can talk in-person more about it. Party 1 might approach you or try to find you at your common areas. If they ask you about ____, reply with this ____”.This plays out with normal folk, too. With vacation planning and other financial decisions. With education, with work, with parties, with literally everything. Spouses are in a habit to be habitual secret bunnies. The husband or wife will say to the other, while on their lunch break when the spouse called them asking if they were coming to the party as they said they would, “I can’t go to the party this afternoon”, “but we had it planned for 6 months”, “yeah, sorry”, “Well, why?”, “Some work stuff”, “I could have rescheduled the party!”, “yeah, sorry”, “I told the kids you would be there”, “they will be fine. Look, it’s too late for me to take off”. Turns out, the spouse could have forgot to take off, could be cheating, could be avoiding, or could be a hundred other things.Now the spouse will have a harder time believing anything they say. Some people might say “they should just trust them”. Trust is not magic dust. Trust is the byproduct of great communication. When a spouse learns to communicate, they can be given more trust. Lack of communication is a red flag.There are circumstances where lack of communication resulted in:<ul><li>unnecessary police reports</li><li>embarrassing phone calls to employers, even costing them their job</li><li>destroying the psyche of children</li><li>late police reports</li></ul>In government circumstances, communication is mandatory. Communication means that coworkers might not walk into the trap or they might not end up in an unfortunate situation. Communication is the difference between life and death.Versus: The spouse knowing if there is no communication with the other (phone, text, email) there is an issue and following the right procedures saved the spouses life.The reason the spouses life was saved was because the other spouse knew what was going in their world:<ul><li>intel work</li><li>police work</li><li>depression (so, they might have committed suicide)</li><li>potential promotion (so, the spouse would not call the employer for some time, just in case it happened today)</li><

Options

/ul>“Hey, I know you missed the party, sorry! Did everything turn out okay today? Did you remember to add to the grocery list [code phrase]”“Hey, glad you are home! I told the kids you had a case at work because you were unable to make it. Are you okay?”“Hi, operator, my spouse missed their daughter’s party today, I called their work and they were not there and the car is still in the lot they said. My spouse has been dealing with depression…”In the aforementioned circumstances the spouse would feel cared for because their spouse knew how to respond appropriately. Communication is sexy. Communication takes time and effort, which makes it sexy.If a spouse’s phone breaks, a good communicator knows to reach out immediately or as soon as possible, to let the their spouse know.<h2 id="b4ae">Mental Health</h2>It is good to have phrases, notes, or types of communication to let a spouse know the other needs space, but they are okay, no need to call anyone. This technique is used when the spouse would prefer this. Most spouses are fine with letting the other know, even sending an emoji via text.When this level of communication is used, the other spouse can work on knowing how to respond to help alleviate the feelings. This can lead to greater intimate times, and getting to said intimate times quicker.There are times when spouses don’t let the other spouse know things and they call a parent, a child, the employer, etc. and it embarrasses the spouse. It just showcased mental struggles to everyone.<h2 id="b3bd">Safety</h2>Safety is key. That is why communication is pertinent to marriage. It is the most important aspect.Leaders use communication during emergencies and it is trained into candidates to listen very intently to every word coming from the chain of command. Operation success is not only dependent on professionalism, but communication.<h2 id="2b25">Communication:</h2><ul><li>keeps you safe</li><li>keeps you learning</li><li>keeps you teaching</li><li>keeps you from judging others</li><li>keeps trust inside of a marriage</li><li>keeps you from employment termination</li><li>keeps children from thinking a parent does not like them and keeps children from reaching out other parties to fill the void</li></ul>If a spouse respects the other, communication will always be present. No matter how painful the information is. Spouses will feel betrayed if they know needed information after someone else.If a spouse does not disclose information and the other spouse feels excitement, anticipation, and safety, then communication is done correctly if ONLY plans for other’s surprise are undisclosed. Even if someone at work is being too flirtatious and a spouse is told about, they feel better (if the other spouse just lets it happen, even accept the flirting behavior, that’s more than likely emotional cheating anyways and that is a different topic).<h2 id="11e1">Top Secret</h2>There will be details surrounding specific facts that can never be disclosed to spouses, as mentioned before.There might be some details about what happened that might be good to feel a spouse out first, before disclosing information. Are both of you at the same level, disclose-wise for the long-haul?You have someone in your corner. You are not alone. If your spouse is “doubling”, they already know who you are. Chances are, they are not, and you have paranoia. If they are, you should probably quit your job so they can divorce you and move on.</article></body>

Communication 970

Information Disclosure: disclosing classified operation intelligence to families

Introduction

This story is not saying Hollywood is reality — not by any means at all. The one thing they get right is not communication, it’s stupid storylines. Communication for the common person is just as bad as Hollywood movies. Their best and most intelligent plot is to write up a situation where 5th grade communication would have solved the problem (writers can’t write).

This story will reference Sons of Anarchy, as well as how communication works in Big Boy Rules.

Disclosing Information

None of this will be legally approved, of course, per any agency. The spouse is not cleared for information according to law.

Spouses should be granted all relevant information at their level of comfort and ability to not disclose. Additionally, spouses should have the wherewithal of the vows they took and they should be willing to hear their spouse out. This is called maturity.
Children & parents under 100 should not be granted anything at all aside from, (example) “I work in the CIA mailroom. The 401k and healthcare is the best”.

If a member is in Columbia, for example, names and addresses (countries even) are not to be disclosed. Just the information that can be used to built trust. And that comes down to more so how someone felt in an undisclosed operation. “Hey babe, this one was a little harder than others. A few things I experienced was harsh environments, death of a coworker, and a little bit of evasion.”

As an undisclosed neuropsychologist I spoke with said:

It is individualized. Are they able to work a job where there are some classifications? Is there spouse okay with not knowing operation details, just emotional ramifications. Some people are more closed off and are a better fit for this type of job. Some people thrive in this type of work. Some spouses require more disclosure for their wellbeing and so should not be an operative spouse.

So if the spouse is questioned by someone with a clearance, “I was told of my spouses employment. That’s all I am able to know. My spouse was overseas, I was not told the country or even the exact dates. At times, my spouse will tell me about a news story and how the story released was inaccurate. I do not know who my spouse met with when overseas. My spouse did disclose any mishaps encountered over there, but none that the information could disclose the operation. That is all.”

What Happens Without Disclosure

Without any disclosure, no one should trust the spouse. The only secrets in marriage should be when spouses are planning gifts: trips, parties, dates, and monetary items. Trust is not blindly given. If a spouse is not trusted with “I work for an agency. I love you and I wish to propose to you, but you should know that when I’m on a fishing trip or a business trip, I’m not on either of those. You can take some time to think about it; can you live with this?” then why is the operative getting married?

Everyone who wants to keep secrets doesn’t love their spouse (and wants the act of love to stoop down to their level so they don’t get found out). Lack of communication opens the door for betrayal. And it will always be taken when optional. This is not Hollywood. The chances a spouse is picked due to their spouse being an operative is really bad luck. Better chance with other things in life happening that are known to happen every 35 years or to 1 in 1,000,000 qualified people.

Without disclosure life can divide the spouses. It is seen in the Sons of Anarchy and most every other Hollywood movie. The reason why real-life usually works better than movies is the stupidity of the script.

Example: Spouse A does not talk to Spouse B about Party 1 threatening to expose exhibit A. Party 1 approaches Spouse B and discloses exhibit A, but lies about it and turns it on Spouse A, getting Spouse B to disclose harmful information about Spouse A because they are thinking they are doing the right thing.

If Spouse A would have been upfront about the threat, life would have been peachy and spouse B might not have exposed themselves to the threat and potentially died, kidnapped, or given harmful information away. All Spouse A had to do was say, “Party 1 is being investigated. Steer clear until both, you and I, can talk in-person more about it. Party 1 might approach you or try to find you at your common areas. If they ask you about ____, reply with this ____”.

This plays out with normal folk, too. With vacation planning and other financial decisions. With education, with work, with parties, with literally everything. Spouses are in a habit to be habitual secret bunnies. The husband or wife will say to the other, while on their lunch break when the spouse called them asking if they were coming to the party as they said they would, “I can’t go to the party this afternoon”, “but we had it planned for 6 months”, “yeah, sorry”, “Well, why?”, “Some work stuff”, “I could have rescheduled the party!”, “yeah, sorry”, “I told the kids you would be there”, “they will be fine. Look, it’s too late for me to take off”. Turns out, the spouse could have forgot to take off, could be cheating, could be avoiding, or could be a hundred other things.

Now the spouse will have a harder time believing anything they say. Some people might say “they should just trust them”. Trust is not magic dust. Trust is the byproduct of great communication. When a spouse learns to communicate, they can be given more trust. Lack of communication is a red flag.

There are circumstances where lack of communication resulted in:

unnecessary police reports
embarrassing phone calls to employers, even costing them their job
destroying the psyche of children
late police reports

In government circumstances, communication is mandatory. Communication means that coworkers might not walk into the trap or they might not end up in an unfortunate situation. Communication is the difference between life and death.

Versus: The spouse knowing if there is no communication with the other (phone, text, email) there is an issue and following the right procedures saved the spouses life.

The reason the spouses life was saved was because the other spouse knew what was going in their world:

intel work
police work
depression (so, they might have committed suicide)
potential promotion (so, the spouse would not call the employer for some time, just in case it happened today)

“Hey, I know you missed the party, sorry! Did everything turn out okay today? Did you remember to add to the grocery list [code phrase]”

“Hey, glad you are home! I told the kids you had a case at work because you were unable to make it. Are you okay?”

“Hi, operator, my spouse missed their daughter’s party today, I called their work and they were not there and the car is still in the lot they said. My spouse has been dealing with depression…”

In the aforementioned circumstances the spouse would feel cared for because their spouse knew how to respond appropriately. Communication is sexy. Communication takes time and effort, which makes it sexy.

If a spouse’s phone breaks, a good communicator knows to reach out immediately or as soon as possible, to let the their spouse know.

Mental Health

It is good to have phrases, notes, or types of communication to let a spouse know the other needs space, but they are okay, no need to call anyone. This technique is used when the spouse would prefer this. Most spouses are fine with letting the other know, even sending an emoji via text.

When this level of communication is used, the other spouse can work on knowing how to respond to help alleviate the feelings. This can lead to greater intimate times, and getting to said intimate times quicker.

There are times when spouses don’t let the other spouse know things and they call a parent, a child, the employer, etc. and it embarrasses the spouse. It just showcased mental struggles to everyone.

Safety

Safety is key. That is why communication is pertinent to marriage. It is the most important aspect.

Leaders use communication during emergencies and it is trained into candidates to listen very intently to every word coming from the chain of command. Operation success is not only dependent on professionalism, but communication.

Communication:

keeps you safe
keeps you learning
keeps you teaching
keeps you from judging others
keeps trust inside of a marriage
keeps you from employment termination
keeps children from thinking a parent does not like them and keeps children from reaching out other parties to fill the void

If a spouse respects the other, communication will always be present. No matter how painful the information is. Spouses will feel betrayed if they know needed information after someone else.

If a spouse does not disclose information and the other spouse feels excitement, anticipation, and safety, then communication is done correctly if ONLY plans for other’s surprise are undisclosed. Even if someone at work is being too flirtatious and a spouse is told about, they feel better (if the other spouse just lets it happen, even accept the flirting behavior, that’s more than likely emotional cheating anyways and that is a different topic).

Top Secret

There will be details surrounding specific facts that can never be disclosed to spouses, as mentioned before.

There might be some details about what happened that might be good to feel a spouse out first, before disclosing information. Are both of you at the same level, disclose-wise for the long-haul?

You have someone in your corner. You are not alone. If your spouse is “doubling”, they already know who you are. Chances are, they are not, and you have paranoia. If they are, you should probably quit your job so they can divorce you and move on.