SMILLEW BASHING — PLEASE JOIN ME

Christopher’s Hateful 12-Word Challenge

This is not a hipster story

I don’t know what a hipster is and I don’t give a shit about Petting Zoo Goats. But I can tell you a story that will make someone hard.

Hard to love.

It was November 2022. I was looking for a victim for my hatefulness. Dr. Michael told us the secret to having a happy Thanksgiving is hatefulness not gratefulness.

Look it up.

I wouldn’t settle for just anyone to spew anger at. I combed the recesses of the Medium articles I had regretted reading. One name kept coming up.

Smillew

In fact, I was surprised that only his articles appeared on my list entitled Absolute Crap I Wish I Hadn’t Read.

Look, it is not like me to beat up on the homeless adjacent, but when the beat needs to be beaten, I’m the girl to call.

You’ve been duped, my friends. This man — can I even call him that — has told you tales of his wife and merry band of seven children.

But his wife — can I even call her that — tells me this man shoots blanks. She has never been pregnant and everything he writes is garbage.

That’s because — gasp — he’s a janitor.

And not the cool kind like in Good Will Hunting. No. Like in hoarding toilet paper from decades past and passing it off as vintage. And that toilet paper — brace yourself — was used! That’s why it is kind of beige-y yellow. He washed it in his rolly bucket, put it on the balcony of his tenement house to dry, and steamed it to re-roll.

Diabolical.

This sucks for many reasons.

1. He has more followers than I do.
2. His haircut looks like a beaver pelt hat which is kind of fun.
3. His ego has eclipsed the moon and I like to see the moon.

That’s kind of all the reasons.

For more crap from the man, avoid this trash piece.

And people of the world, he runs publications! He’s the Chief Twit of a couple of them.

You might think that publishing your word babies on a site famously offering no editorial guidance would be a good place to start your Medium career.

You’d be wrong.

It’s an ego thing. He publishes anything you send him and he feels like he’s fulfilled your life’s dream.

Stroke stroke stroke.

Put that down, Smillew! Now is not the time.

And because I want to be fair, here is the one article Smillew has written that was pure gold.

For those of you following him and not me, I’ll leave this here. That down there. That is what you signed up for. Shame on you.

This is what happens when you tell me what to write Christopher!

And for a list of the unedited crap I’ve published on Smillew’s publications, go to this list. These are basically the best articles on his pubs so you can read them and move on.

Want more of me? I don’t blame you. Become a member with this link! Only $5/month inspires a writer to write another day and prevents them from inserting you into a love scene with Mr. Rachuef.