avatarTom McLaughlin

Summary

The article is a satirical take on business success, personified by "Business Bunny," who claims to have the secret to success and offers advice through a blend of humor and self-promotion.

Abstract

The web content features a character named Business Bunny, who embodies the essence of business success. The article, laced with satire, presents Business Bunny as a confident, successful figure who casually dispenses advice on achieving success. The bunny, depicted in a stylish suit and with a nonchalant attitude, suggests that true success comes from thinking differently and not conforming to the norm. The secret to doubling and then doubling again one's success is teased throughout the piece, with the ultimate revelation being a course and a book that Business Bunny is promoting. The article mocks the culture of influencers and the desire for viral fame, while also poking fun at business advice literature and the allure of get-rich-quick schemes.

Opinions

  • The article satirizes the idea that success can be easily attained and sold as a commodity, as seen in the business advice industry.
  • It criticizes the shallowness of internet fame and the envy it provokes in others.
  • The character of Business Bunny mocks the self-importance and bravado often found in business gurus.
  • The piece humorously suggests that success is an illusion perpetuated by capitalism and the transfer of wealth.
  • It pokes fun at the reader's desire for quick success, implying that the secret to success is elusive and not as straightforward as many would hope.
  • The article takes a jab at the notion that asking questions shows weakness, subverting the traditional view that curiosity is a positive trait.
  • It highlights the idea that success is a zero-sum game, where one person's gain is another's loss.
  • The satirical nature of the article is emphasized by the disclaimer that the advice given does not guarantee success, hinting at the unrealistic promises often made in self-help literature.

I CAN SATIRE AND SO CAN YOU

Business Bunny Is Better Than You

Find out why

Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash

Greed is good. — Gordon Gekko

You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I’ll buy you a new car. — Harvey Diamond

Don’t get into a crib with a baby. — Business Bunny

If you’re like every other person on the internet, you secretly dream about going viral, with a tinge of jealousy for those younger Influencers who get paid every time they vlog about shitting, eating, or anything else literally everyone else does on a daily basis.

Look at the picture at the top of all these words. That suit. Sitting all casual and shit. No tie. Idly fidgeting with my fingers as if I have so much on my mind, I can’t sit still. I look as though I am thinking profound thoughts.

How successful am I?

First of all, if you have to ask then you’re barely worth talking to.

Let’s put it this way.

I buy carrots by the truckload — and I could give a flying rabbit pellet what other people think.

I’ve got a secret. Want to hear it?

What? I haven’t convinced you yet?

Even though most people have grabbed the carrot by now, I can keep dangling it for you.

Why would you want advice from me?

I am a successful business bunny. What other reason do you want?

I’M.

A.

BUSINESS.

BUNNY.

I’m in the business of business. Let’s do business.

Still not sold? Jesus F. Christ on a jackrabbit.

How do you think I’m able to sit there idly and not fidget? What’s the secret to my success? It’s none of the quotes up top. They’re just cool quotes. The third one is fucking awesome. The one thing that is of utmost importance — the one thing every success story except mine is lacking —

Here it is.

Let me tell you the secret — by the end of this article — you too can have the secret to your success.

Think about the one thing you are lacking.

While you’re pondering, let me tell you once I discovered the secret, I began applying it to my daily life — personal and business — I have not been lacking.

No lacks.

I will tell you how —

‘But Business Rabbit,’ you might say. ‘I’m not a rabbit. How can what you have to be of any use to me?’

First off, you interrupted me, so shut up.

That’s right, I said it.

A bunny rabbit just told you to shut up. Despite what they tell you, questions are stupid. It shows weakness.

What I just said right there is not the secret. Trust me, it’s coming up.

Other successful people will sell you something after you listen to them for an hour — that’s what I’m doing —

The difference is — I’m telling you that’s what I’m doing.

It is refreshing to have such honesty in the business world.

I’m no typical bunny.

The secret is much more huge, stupendous —

Mind-blowing.

So huge, I am surprised you don’t already know about it. You’ll know when you hear the secret because when you hear it, your head will explode.

When I was a little baby bunny, a kit as they say and before I became the strapping buck you see before you today — dressed trendy in a new-age art pic — I knew I had to think differently to get out and even differently-er — is that a word?

Who cares?! BOOM! It is now. See what I did there? I didn’t think about it — I just made a new word.

I knew I had to innovate new ways to help me — not others — out of the warren.

Ignoring other people is not the secret either. That’s just a perk of being successful.

Here it is —

How to Double and then Double again your success.

One more thing. How much would something like this cost? How much would pay? Could you put a price on it?

It’s not a question of enough. It’s a zero-sum game. Somebody wins, somebody loses. Money is selfish. It isn’t lost or made, it’s simply transferred. I sell my carrots for 100 times what I paid for them —I’m a meat eater, BTW — The illusion of money has become real. The more real it becomes, the more you want it. Capitalism at its finest.

The richest one percent of this country owns fifty percent of this nation’s wealth. We make the rules — just like I am pretty sure I just made up those numbers. We picked that rabbit out of a hat while everybody was wondering how the hell we did it.

The secret is my course on success, Jump Higher: How. I will give you the course for free — FREE — if you buy my brand new book, Baller Bunny.

NOTE: Following the aforementioned advice does not guarantee success. Effects may vary and are not guaranteed to result in results.

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Brand art courtesy of David Todd McCarty
Humor
Satire
Business Strategy
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