ENTERTAINMENT
Bill Cosby Threatens to Do More Raping If He’s Called A Rapist One More Time
Childish Non-Kino
Bill Cosby famously said,
“When you become senile, you won’t know it.”
If only he knew back then that he predicted his future.
The serial rapist was released from jail after the Pennsylvania Supreme Court judge found that Cosby’s due process of rights was violated. Cosby provided incriminating evidence, believing that it wouldn’t be used against him in court. We don’t know what to be stunned by. The fact that a criminal is released because a district attorney didn’t follow the law. Or the fact that Cosby ended up in court a year later to address another sexual assault suit.
Cosby is addicted to sexual assault as much as George Santos is addicted to changing his identity.
Prosecutor Judith Hearth filed a lawsuit immediately after Cosby was released from prison. Hearth claimed that Cosby sexually assaulted her when she was a minor. Cosby claimed that it was all a misunderstanding. Considering he met Hearth at a jazz recital, he thought otherwise when she told him to “finger A Minor.”
Hearth filed a civil lawsuit instead of a criminal lawsuit. So Cosby won’t be sent back to prison if convicted. Regardless, Cosby has sexually assaulted so many women that MAGA decided to back him as a presidential candidate.
We reached out to Cosby to address his newfound political endorsement. Cosby was livid.
“What is this nonsense? You all going to call me a rapist every time I ignore a woman’s feelings and go straight for her hoo-hah? So it’s okay for a white man to do it, but not for a black man? This is RACIST!
“For the one millionth time, I am NOT a rapist! I am, however, an excellent bartender. You struggle with insomnia, not to worry! My drinks are guaranteed to put you to sleep!
“I am deeply hurt that people would still call me a rapist. I might as well rape.”
We were shocked that Cosby’s brain turned into a melted pudding pop. We asked Cosby his logic behind committing crimes. Cosby stared at us.
“So making spiked drinks for a woman is a crime now? Whatever happened to Netflix & Pill?
“Oh wait, it’s called Netflix & Chill? Well, mine is better. Civilization already has too many rules for me. I can’t be blamed for rewriting them.
“You all crossed the line. I might as well commit the crime.
“Hell, I’ll even write a tell-all book titled If I Did It: Confessions Of A Rapist. This will be the sequel to OJ Simpson’s bestseller novel. You think this is disgusting? Blame the world for being addicted to violence. We claim we should stop violence, but we still tune in to the new Jeffrey Dahmer miniseries.
“You think I’m childish? Well, so is MAGA! MAGA is still offended that you all call them terrorists. Yes, they did violently storm the Capitol. But since they got called out, they vowed to create more acts of terrorism. If it’s okay for grown white men to act so childish, then so can a grown black man! Equality for all!
“This is all your fault for turning me into this monster. I never wanted to harm anyone! I just wanted to get my pudding pop dick wet in nonconsensual sex!”
Cosby shook his finger. Then sniffed it.
“You’re going after the wrong black man. I made society better with family oriented humor. At least I’m not acting like them thugs from the ‘hood. I’m a nice, well-dressed man. I don’t deal with cornrows, extra large t-shirts, and pants so low that you see my undies. And I don’t use profanities like the disgusting n word that these young black folks like to address each other as. I may have nonconsensual sex, but I won’t stoop this low to vulgarity.
“Watch out, fellas. You start putting labels on me, I will act in accordance.”
To prove his point, Cosby stood up and started walking with his cane. He started feeling around the room until he felt a well-rounded ass. With a cheeky grin, Cosby pulled down his pants and forcibly thrusted into those buttocks. We didn’t have the heart to tell this blind dude that he was fucking a pillow.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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