It Happened to Me

Best and Last Confessions I Have to Share as a Former Massage Therapist

Cream-of-the-crop tales that reveal what really happens behind closed doors in the wellness industry

The Curious Pastor: I gave a second chance to my mom’s middle-aged pastor, who seemed unable to stop himself from becoming visibly aroused because my mom said he had terrible anxiety and back pain. However, I knew from stories my brother told me about work retreats they did together that this pastor had quite the libido and cheated on his pious wife frequently.

After our second and last session at my private studio, he paid me with small, crumpled bills and change. I wondered if he thought I should have massaged him for free since he was the pastor at my mom’s church. I already massaged my family members for free, which was more than enough charity for my overworked hands.

When the pastor texted me saying he had a personal question, I shut him down. No part of me was willing to communicate with my family’s pastor about his issues, especially personal or sexual issues.

This is just one example of many that showcase the crazy situations licensed massage therapists find themselves in, not just with clients either. No one is exempt.

The Psycho Chiropractor and Secretary: I knew something was a bit off about the chiropractor when he interviewed me. He wanted to adjust me right afterward, which I found unusual. Employers always want a potential therapist to work on them, not the other way around.

I chalked it up to him being quirky and passionate about his work. I liked getting adjusted by chiropractors, which is why I sought out one to work with as a massage therapist.

His secretary was hilarious and someone I got along with easily from the start. However, within days she made me feel like she was sharing too much information — about herself as well as the chiropractor we worked for.

I had my own studio where I saw my private clients and agreed to work with the chiropractor part-time. However, that all quickly changed when he did not have nearly as many clients as he said he would and he didn’t pay me when he said he would. He tried to convince me that I misunderstood him and left for the day without paying me.

While cleaning up the massage space that I set up very nicely for them, the secretary started talking to me and was clearly fired up in a good way about something. I hadn’t told her about the argument I had with the chiropractor.

She was married with two young kids and asked if she could tell me a secret. Before I could even say yes or no, she narrowed her bright eyes, let a devious smile spread across her face, and whispered to me that she had a huge crush on the chiropractor, who was also married. She wanted to have an affair with him and hoped that would happen soon.

Both of them had overshared with me and I was not okay with it. I wondered what on earth made her tell me all that she did. Maybe she was trying to drive me away. If so, it worked.

Their craziness made me start to feel bonkers, which I was not willing to tolerate. I was very good at my job and knew I could work someplace better. That afternoon I packed up all of my things and never heard from them again. He also never paid me for one week of work. Bastard.

Therapists touching buttocks: Unfortunately, this is one of the most common reasons I have heard as to why a therapist was fired. The cases I have heard have always been with men.

A few of my old male co-workers had massaged reception staff who told me they massaged their buttocks. However, the staff all said that they had given consent.

It is extremely important that a therapist has a client’s permission to touch their buttocks, face, or upper chest.

In the case of the male therapists I knew personally, they were dumb about it. Each of them had been given warnings by management from clients complaining, yet still continued to massage clients’ butts.

If that were me, I would not massage a client’s buttocks even if they begged me. The risk of being fired is not worth it. I guess they felt otherwise.

That being said, having the buttocks massaged can be one of the best feelings in the world, especially if you have low back pain or if you are a physically active person. I specialize in sports massage. There’s nothing like a strategically placed elbow in the right spot of a butt cheek.

However, total trust and clear consent are crucial.

Reasons therapists I have worked with were fired:

• Falling asleep repeatedly while working on clients
• Never massaging feet
• Stealing clients (for their own private studio)
• Smelling like marijuana and clearly being high on it
• Leaving work due to menstrual cramps and not returning for the rest of the day on multiple occasions
• Calling out sick, then posting photos at the beach on social media

Most annoying things clients have done during massage sessions:

• Burping throughout a session. That guy was very weird. He never returned, and I’m so glad he didn’t.
• Having to pee multiple times. It was only a 50-minute session and the woman wasn’t pregnant. I don’t know what was up with her. People underdress to get under the sheet and blanket. I had to step out of the room every time she needed to get undressed and dressed.
• Moaning or talking the whole session. This one woman used to book 100-minute sessions with me and was like this. When she wasn’t moaning, she was talking or micro-managing my massage techniques. I once told her I lost my voice, so I didn’t have to talk to her.
• Talking too loud. There was always music playing, which helped the sound not bleed through the walls, but some clients would talk so loud that management would knock to ask them to keep their voices down.
• Repeatedly ask for more pressure when they don’t want to pay for the deep-tissue upgrade. I’ve already written about this. It’s one thing if a client genuinely doesn’t realize it costs more for deep-tissue massage. It’s another when the client knows and still tries to get a deep tissue for the price of a Swedish.

Lastly, two of my biggest personal confessions as a former licensed massage therapist are:

I favored clients who regularly tipped me at least 20% of the cost of the session.

Some of my clients were wealthy but at least half were average, working-class people, like me. Rich clients didn’t always tip well, which annoyed me the most. Cheap rich people get on my last nerve.

It touched me most when those I knew had only so much money prioritized tipping me well. I would use lavender oil without charging them more or sometimes incorporate hot stones or warm towels on their back at no extra cost. If I had a break after their session, sometimes I would give them more time, with their permission. I loved pampering them the most.

I had a crush on a few of my clients over the course of ten years and confessed my feelings to one of them.

The first one was very young, kind, and physically fit. He played basketball regularly and booked 80-minute massages with me every two weeks. When I left that spa, he asked to follow me to my new location which I allowed, even though management did not permit that.

He rarely talked during sessions but he had told me about vacations he took with his girlfriend and mentioned they had broken up which is why he had gone on a trip with friends.

He was an easy client and an excellent tipper. I was extremely hesitant to cross that line with him. After much deliberation and a serious dry spell in my dating life, I decided to tell him that I was interested in dating him.

He was very flattered and surprised but had already started dating someone whom he liked a lot. He came to see me one more time as a client. It was nice but awkward. I never saw him again. It bummed me out the most to lose him as a client because I was always happy to see him and work on him.

I never crossed that line with a client again. However, I did enjoy thinking about it with a select few.

Last year, I wrote and published my first story that shared some of the most unusual things my clients have told me, as well as the boldest thing I have known a co-worker to do.

Since then, I have jotted down loads of memories and have written a couple more stories about them that I published. This one is the last that I’ll share on Medium. The rest I am saving for my book.

I hope you enjoyed my tales. Please let me know if you have a favorite.