PSYCHOLOGY|CULTURE
More Confessions of a Former Massage Therapist
More crazy, but true stories popped into my head — such as my “silent but deadly” client
It has been just over 3 months since I wrote and published the story Confessions of a Former Massage Therapist.
The idea for the story came to me one day while talking to a friend who used to be a co-worker of mine. She and I were sharing stories about some of the crazy things that our clients have said and done over the years.
We joked about writing a coffee table book that would contain our stories as well as those by other licensed massage therapists.
It is no longer a joke since I have seen just how much interest this topic has generated and how many more stories I have to share.
The first time I wrote on this topic I intentionally thought of some of the most dramatic or shocking things that people I have seen and heard.
This time I will share more of the little things alongside the big ones.
I also want to give more insight into what it is like to work as a licensed massage therapist, especially in some of these high-end spas.
It is probably not what you think.
Not all licensed massage therapists are created equal.
In Pennsylvania, it only takes a high school diploma and 6 months as a full-time student at a nationally accredited massage school to become a licensed massage therapist.
It takes twice as long in the state of New York.
Some of us have Bachelor’s degrees, many years of experience, and a keen interest to learn more about being an excellent therapist.
Others just want to show up to work and do the bare minimum.
As a client, you have to invest time and energy into finding the right therapist for you based on your unique wants and needs. A good therapist can help, but your best bet is someone who comes highly recommended by a person you trust.
Also, ask about further training a therapist has done for continuing education which is required every 2 years in order for licensed therapists to keep their licenses.
One of the things that annoyed me the most was when a client tried to get me to give them a deep tissue massage without paying the extra cost for it.
Deep tissue massage means more work for the therapist which also means it costs more, usually $10–15 per hour more.
When clients keep asking for more pressure during a firm Swedish-style massage (long, broad strokes with light, medium, or firm pressure applied by hands or forearms), I find that most of the time what they truly want is a deep tissue massage, which includes more single-pointed pressure that’s applied by my thumbs, fists or elbows.
The vast majority are trying to get a deep tissue massage without paying the extra cost.
These people are the ones that don’t usually tip that well either which is another thing that bothered me, especially if I knew they were rich.
Cheap rich people irritate the hell out of me and made me only want to do the bare minimum for them.
My favorite clients were the kind ones who had an easy-going way about them, were low-maintenance, and tipped me well.
Cash is king when it comes to tipping and the massage field was no exception.
Most of my clients were not rich and quite a few were working middle-class people.
However, I had several who were always kind to me, knew exactly what they wanted, let me do my job, and left me anywhere from $20-$100 per session (either 50 or 80 minutes).
I greatly appreciated them and would add lavender oil for aromatherapy to their sessions or use a few moist, warm towels on their back, neck, and/or feet to help them relax — free of charge.
They were always happy to see me and I felt the same.
I will never forget this one woman whom I knew was going to be trouble from the moment I greeted her in the waiting room.
She was a very high-maintenance woman who was extremely hard to please and her whole demeanor screamed this.
I know that I am an excellent massage therapist. Besides the love I have for the craft and my extensive training, I also won “Best of Philly” as a massage therapist one year because I was lucky enough to have a client who wrote for Philadelphia magazine.
This woman acted as though I knew very little about massage as she proceeded to tell me that she wanted a hot stone massage with all of her clothes on.
I blinked at her a few times while I thought of the best way to explain the obvious to her.
A hot stone massage is done using oil which would stain her clothing if I did try to do as she asked. However, the stones are actually warm, not hot, so that we don’t burn people’s skin. They cool off within 15–20 seconds and would be fairly useless over the clothing.
In a huff, she took off her shirt and pants which revealed some kind of stiff, body-slimming underwear that primarily covered her torso. I asked her if she still wanted me to include her entire back (only the skin on her upper back was exposed). She did and demanded I use the hot stones.
I politely refused and nicely told her that I was leaving the room to go speak with my manager.
She came out of the massage room halfway dressed yelling, then screamed at my manager that I was being unreasonable.
One of the many things I liked about working at a spa more than for myself is that I could let managers and front desk staff deal with unruly clients like that woman.
In my first year as a massage therapist, I had a client who made me absolutely dread our sessions.
I called him my SBD (Silent But Deadly) client.
Why?? Because almost every single time I worked on his lower back (which, of course, is where is wanted the most amount of attention paid), he let out these silent-but-deadly farts that were awful!
I tried using lavender essential oil during our sessions.
It didn’t work.
I tried pointing the fan away from my nose and toward the door so that I didn’t have to smell them.
That didn’t work.
I tried starting him face up and ending with work on his low back.
Nothing worked.
After almost a year of monthly massages (most of our clients were members who got a massage once a month), I finally told him in the kindest way possible that I noticed he has an issue with flatulence during our sessions.
He was middle-aged and nodded his head while his eyes widened.
He told me that he had no idea and thanked me.
Then he proceeded down the hall to pay and never booked a massage with me again.
I saw him on the schedule the following month and told my co-worker what had happened to give her a fair warning.
She used nose plugs during their session.
I was relieved to never have to work on him again.
