LIFE LESSONS|CULTURE

Biggest Confessions of a Former Massage Therapist

Some things in life do have happy endings so get some tea or coffee, sit back, and enjoy

Nine years ago I was mentioned in Philadelphia magazine, using my nickname at the time, when the spa where I worked won Best Sports Massage.

“With any luck, you’ll get Blue Simmons, whose expert hands will home in on your sorest parts like a missile on its target. After your 75-minute rubdown, she’ll walk you through an at-home regimen to keep you loose between visits.”

I had been massaging prior to getting my license in massage therapy in the spring of 2012.

Becoming certified, working in beautiful spas full-time as a massage therapist, and receiving an award in sports massage were extremely validating.

Even in high school I used to massage people’s backs, shoulders, arms and hands and was told that I was very good at it. However, I always had doubts as to whether I could or would do it professionally.

Although I liked the idea of being paid to massage people, I did not like the idea of someone thinking that they could just pay me to touch them.

I wanted complete control and would have to surrender a degree of it in order to be a good therapist. I would need to listen to and cater to the wants and needs of my clients

One of the hardest things about my former profession was dealing with men who either insinuated or hoped for something sexual from me.

As a writer and romantic, I love happy endings, but I hated the phrase in the context of work as a massage therapist.

I took my job seriously and ended up being one of the most requested therapists at every place I worked.

It took a couple of years for me to get used to the fast pace of commercial spas that typically booked 50-minute massages back to back.

I also had to learn to incorporate treatments, such as hand or foot scrubs, cold stone facials, and cupping which are things that I had never done before.

At various times, I rented a studio as well that I shared with other massage therapists and acupuncturists for the handful of private clients that either followed me from spas I had worked in or were referred to me by friends or family.

When I changed spas, four total in ten years, I was introduced to new clientele.

I would say that a little more than half of them were women. The hardest part for me when it came to working on women was getting them to relax enough to trust me.

In most cases, by the time I had them turn over and started massaging their upper back, neck and shoulders, they were putty in my hands.

It was a powerful feeling that I cherished.

To be vulnerable enough to trust a complete stranger with your neck and other tender parts meant the world to me, especially those who saw me in order to help them work out something painful — emotionally, mentally or physically.

That is why it usually irritated the hell out of me that much more when I would bring a guy back to my treatment room and he proceeded to act flirtatiously or make inappropriate jokes.

“I was just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?”

None of them went so far as to make me leave the room and get a manager, which all of the therapists were told we could do if clients acted inappropriately.

However, there are these grey areas that are left up to each therapist’s judgment.

Giving and receiving hugs is one of my favorite things in the world, but not with my male clients, especially ones that I do not know well.

I had a few married clients that I hugged with some distance between us because I could tell it meant a lot to them and it was harmless.

Sometimes I wondered if they would still go for a hug if their wives were there.

My job was to help people feel better.

However, I had to become very good at drawing lines and defending clear boundaries because too many people tried to cross them.

This includes male and female massage therapists who dared to cross ethical lines that they should not have when it comes to consent.

Quite a few of my male co-workers were fired for massaging women’s butts when they were not supposed to do so.

One of my co-workers at a spa I worked at fresh out of massage school was openly gay and was available one day when I wanted an appointment right after my shift finished.

When I slid down onto the table and turned over onto my back with my hands at my sides, she had flicked the sheet in such a way that allowed her to see my breasts.

Even though I am quite comfortable with my body and being naked around strangers, it bothered me that she did such a move intentionally. I shook my head at her but did not say anything.

I did not book another session with her again.

One of my clients told me that she tried a male therapist when I was not available. She said that the massage was great but she did not think her husband would have been happy had he been in the room.

Clients are told beforehand to speak up if a therapist says or does anything that makes them uncomfortable or if the pressure is not to their liking. However, most of the time people do not say anything until after the session is over.

That breaks my heart.

Even when I am the one on the table I tend to keep quiet. I do not want to offend or disturb the therapist by asking for more pressure.

Thankfully, the therapists I have chosen tend to check in with me and ask if the pressure is okay and share with them my honest thoughts then.

There is only one time when I have been the client that I did not speak up when a massage therapist shocked the hell out of me by massaging my breasts.

One evening after work, I went to get an hour massage at an Asian massage parlor just a few minutes from my job.

It looked legitimate, it was close, I badly needed a massage and our spa was all booked. The people were kind, the place looked clean, and it smelled nice.

My massage therapist did not speak English very well and she was quite petite but strong.

When it was time for me to turn face up onto my back, she said something. I thought that it was just about massaging my neck and shoulders. It was, but I had no idea that it included my breasts as well.

It all happened so fast, and honestly, it felt really good that I let her continue. I had never had someone massage my breasts before, just the very top part where I have always been tight.

She massaged them for about 5 minutes and it did not feel sexual at all. It felt therapeutic. It inspired me to massage my own breasts at times from then on.

I know that men and women are wired differently and that hormones are very powerful.

I accept and do not shame men for getting hard during massage sessions, especially young ones.

What I do not accept and do shame men for is lack of consent.

Just because they are paying customers in a dim and private room does not mean that everything is for sale.

When you are in a legitimate establishment and no one is offering any extra services such as a “washy washy” or “happy ending”, please do not ask.

It is offensive.

I think that some people are trying to test the waters and see what they can get away with.

By the time I left the field, I was more than ready for a change but I also knew that I would miss it and do.

Massage is one of those things that is such a gift to give and receive.

It is such a shame that too often it is tainted with people’s immature and repressed sexual feelings because massage is immensely beneficial to the body and mind in countless ways.

Massage has been practiced for thousands of years and can be an integral part of health and healing.

I hope that more people respect the fact that massage therapy is a legitimate form of therapy that can be an essential part of caring well for one’s health.

Some states, such as Washington, already take it seriously where workers have the same rights and treatment as other healthcare providers like nurses.

Maybe one day more minds of average people who go in to receive massages will stop thinking about the ephemeral “happy ending” and simply focus on being happy now.