Ben Affleck on the 1 reason we’re still scared to talk about sobriety
We’re in a weird place in the history of alcohol.
A lot of people seem to be coming around to the idea that it’s terrible for us, but there’s still a significant, lingering stigma around people who choose not to drink.
A hangover, if you will.
I’ve seen a lot of people write on this site that, after they reveal they don’t drink anymore, they receive secret texts and whispers of, “I want to quit too, how did you do it?”
Yet, there are many more still who will question what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
Sometimes it’s overt (and frequently insulting).
Sometimes it’s a lot more subtle but equally noticeable if you’re the one who’s decided to give sobriety a whirl.
It happened to me again on the weekend.
Another beer denied
I was at a sports event again and one of the guys there had already bought some pitchers of beer and prefilled a bunch of pints for people who weren’t there yet.
This was the same spot where another guy had previously asked if I wanted a beer, and when I said no because I wanted to go to the gym later, he joked, “What, you think you’re better than me?”
As I approached the table, the well-meaning beer sharer thrust a pint in my direction and just said, “Here”.
“Oh, nah, I’m good thanks,” I said as I entered the conversation.
“OH, OK,” he replied, bug-eyed, making a big show of how insane he thought it was that someone would turn down a free beer.
Subtle insults
These are the kinds of unintentional, subtle insults you can expect to endure when you take the simple act of turning down an alcoholic beverage.
You may even, at some point, question whether they’re right.
Maybe you really are crazy.
It’s all a big lie perpetrated and supported by Big Alcohol advertising and pop culture, of course.
Alcohol is literally a poison, and it is trying to kill you.
But the societal pressure to fall in line can be overwhelming.
Take the case of Ben Affleck.
‘He’s drunk’
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Affleck and the power of sharing your sobriety story.
It can serve as therapy for yourself, of course, but it can also provide inspiration to others.
This is what Affleck, a longtime fixation for paparazzi in the sobriety space, explained in an incredible, recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter:
“I became — out of no desire of my own — one of the poster boys for actor alcoholism and recovery and the whole thing.
“And the best part about that is that sometimes people call me up and they’re like, “Hey, can you help me out?” And it makes me feel so good to do that.”
But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the other edge of that sword.
In that fantastic interview, Affleck also talked about how he’d recently been turned into a meme again thanks to his less-than-enthusiastic facial expressions at the 2023 Grammy Awards.
It was the perfect illustration of the negative side of sharing your sober story, and some of the abuse you can expect to endure if you do decide to share.
He said:
“I’ve gone and been bored.
“I’ve gone to award shows and been drunk a bunch. Nobody ever once said I’m drunk.
“(But at the Grammys) they were like, ‘He’s drunk.’
“And I thought, that’s interesting.
“That raises a whole other thing about whether or not it’s wise to acknowledge addiction because there’s a lot of compassion, but there is still a tremendous stigma, which is often quite inhibiting.
“I do think it disincentivizes people from making their lives better.”
I could not agree more.
Although I’ve gotten better at sloughing off the “you think you’re better than me” type comments and the bug-eyed reactions when I turn down a drink, it is getting increasingly tiresome.
And these comments are from people who don’t even know I quit drinking.
Imagine the snide remarks behind my back if I were to openly talk about it with my peer group.
I’m still not there yet.
For now, sharing my story here works for me, and many have reached out to say how much it means to them.
I’m happy about that.
The enduring challenge
At the top, I mentioned secret texts and whispered questions from people who want to quit too.
This is the power of sharing your sobriety story.
It can inspire people and it can help turn the tide against society’s alcohol addiction.
You can be a mentor and a friend to someone going through the same thing as you.
But nobody ever said it would be easy.
Just ask Ben Affleck.
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