Avoiding Summer Holiday Burnout

Advice for fellow Autistic-ADHD-anxious-introverts

Home for the holidays

Having been at home more than not over the past two and a half years, many of us may have felt a little claustrophobic. We might have experienced some level of relief when we ourselves, or our loved ones, returned to work or school.

I love my family, but I primarily work from home, and I must admit I enjoy the quiet solitude of being at home by myself.

With summer holidays nearly halfway over (already?!), you might be tempted to pack in as much visiting with family and friends as possible. You might be looking forward to it, or you might be dreading it. If you’re anything like me, probably a bit of both.

I love spending time with my family and close friends. One of my best friends is very much into the holidays, so she gets very excited about getting everyone together and hosting dinners.

These are my close friends (who are few) with whom I feel very comfortable and am able to be myself, so it’s much more relaxing and enjoyable to celebrate with them.

That said, something can be both very enjoyable yet still exhausting, and that is the case for all the visiting, socializing, and general family time at home during the holidays.

If you’ve ever found yourself completely run-down, exhausted, and totally burnt-out after the holidays, you’re definitely not alone.

This is more common for neurodivergent people — (Something I explain in greater detail in my article, Autistic and ADHD Burnout), but it can affect anyone.

Story time

We live in a different province from the rest of our family, and have lived here for nearly 15 years. Over the years, we’ve travelled back to visit our family — covid restrictions notwithstanding — approximately three times each year.

Our son is nine years old, so a huge portion of that involved travelling with a baby, a toddler, and then a young child. My spouse and I both lived in Ontario for a significant portion of our lives, including College and University, so we both have friends and family there.

Our visits are whirlwinds. We fly there for about a week, visit as many people as we can, and then fly home. It’s bloody exhausting.

It used to be even worse, before I recognized what was happening to me on these trips. I remember once I was tired, cranky, and definitely overstimulated. I don’t remember what I was saying, but my husband snapped at me (which he very rarely does) and told me to stop complaining.

Ouch.

What was happening was, we were prioritizing our friends and family because we only see them a few times a year, but I had no conceptualization or understanding of my needs.

Many years, and an Autism and ADHD diagnosis later, I now understand much better. We were driving around to various cities, sleeping in different beds or hotel rooms every night, and spending our entire visit — well, visiting.

In our valiant efforts to not leave anyone out, I had almost zero downtime. I have come to learn that no downtime is a huge problem for me, and a good way to send myself into burnout, or even a meltdown.

Avoiding Burnout

Make realistic plans

When you’re planning your family vacation, plan for the family you have right now, not the family you think you might become, or the family you think you’re supposed to be.

What I mean is, plan for your family’s interests, strengths, and limitations, not for your own or someone else’s expectations. If your kids don’t enjoy hiking, but you’re going somewhere that boasts the best hiking trails in the world, maybe plan for a 2–3KM hike rather than a 20KM one.

If your partner hates crowds (like I do), maybe don’t expect them to enjoy a busy theme park or amusement park.

That’s not to say you can’t do these things if other members of your group want to, but maybe plan for a half day instead of a full day, or give your less enthusiastic family member an out partway through.

There’s no point in forcing people through experiences because you think they “should” have them if they’re going to be miserable. Those aren’t the memories you want to be making.

Schedule downtime

Schedule it in, otherwise, it may not happen. Make it a priority. Say no upon occasion, when you notice your list of commitments starting to grow, or when you just don’t feel like doing the thing.

Rest when you can. If you’re someone who feels guilty for “doing nothing”, remember: self-preservation and self-care are not nothing, they’re vitally important. (Yes, easier said than done, I find this difficult too — working on it!).

Don’t over-schedule your vacation. Make time to relax at your destination, whether that be reading at a campsite, poolside, or on a beach (can you tell I love to read?). If reading isn’t your thing, set time aside to do things you enjoy that help replenish your energy levels.

There’s no need to run yourself ragged just to say you did All Of The Things.

Wear headphones

It’s worth the investment in some noise-cancelling headphones, especially if you’re noise-sensitive, or become overwhelmed by loud and busy environments.

Not only that, I find they help with other types of sensory overload too. For example, if a lot of people are talking and you need a break from conversation, putting on headphones will send a clear message that you’re not available for chatting at the moment.

Music is also one of my favourite self-regulatory activities. I love listening to my favourite songs really loud, immersing myself in the sound, and losing myself in the music. It’s a whole-body experience for me, and it really helps me reset when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Also, music can simply be enjoyable for its own sake.

Calming activities

Keep a reserve of calming activities. When you’re feeling upset or burnt out, it can be harder to think of things you enjoy doing, and things that help reduce your stress. It helps to have a bag packed with some fidgets, sensory items, books, or whatever you prefer.

My favourite is reading, always reading. I also enjoy doing puzzles, painting and going for walks. There’s also good evidence that mindfulness helps (although I have yet to sit still long enough to try it out myself).

Get outdoors

Fresh air and sunshine are restorative. Even if you’re not a fan of hiking or camping, you can still reap some of the benefits of being outside.

Whether it be a leisurely walk, sitting outside to read, or bird watching, whatever floats your boat — oh, hey! That reminds me, canoeing and kayaking are great outdoor activities which can also be made accessible for people with mobility issues.

If you don’t like bugs, you could perhaps invest in an outdoor kitchen tent, gazebo, or canopy with netting to sit under.

Find your stim

Find the stim that works for you. For me, it’s really loud music that takes over my whole nervous system. I also find tapping really calming. I tap on my shoulder or the inside of my wrists, or I tap each of my fingers to my thumb in succession.

Sometimes I shake my hands out or twirl my hair. I also do “cricket feet” where I rub my feet together. Some people like to flap their hands, jump, run, rock, twirl… whatever works for you, give it a go!

Happy holidays!

© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB

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References

Kühn, S., Mascherek, A., Filevich, E., Lisofsky, N., Becker, M., Butler, O., Lochstet, M., Mårtensson, J., Gallinat, J. …et al. (2021). Spend time outdoors for your brain — an in-depth longitudinal MRI study. The World Journal of Biological Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1080/15622975.2021.1938670