Inspiration | Dr. Yildiz’ Writing Challenge| Why I Write …

As a Writer, I’m Compelled to Write about “It’s Okay to Want a Joyful Life after Grief!”

Creative and thought-provoking ideas about how to get relief from grief by Linda Halladay

I am over 60 and became a widow in my 21st year of marriage to my husband. As a widow and a writer, I want to help guide other widows over 60 to get through their grief.

On my trek across the land of grief, I found much of what was written was from academia. By people who hadn’t experienced grief. People who didn’t lose their spouse. I also noted few books, stories, or articles were written about widows over 60. There was scant information about how to travel through grief and come out on the other side, ready to fully live what life we had left. Instead, it was dour and down-right depressing. The authors were essentially saying accept your lot and learn to live with grief for a long time. I thought that was BS. There must be a way to get through grief better than that.

I read a few books by younger widows who still had small children and had a longer lifespan ahead of them. Their issues were different from the issues we older widows faced. Especially apparent was there wasn’t much written about how to reclaim and rebuild a life after decades of marriage. (And in some cases, the only life a woman has known since her late teens or early twenties.)

Added to a widow’s woes are the societal, cultural, and family expectations of proper widow “behavior” and actions. Though these may be previously unknown expectations, somehow, they seeped into our consciousness. They added to our burden of deep sadness through guilt. Guilt feelings quickly rush in when we have thoughts of living a joyful life once we get beyond our grief.

My journey through grief started — full-blown — the day my husband went into memory care. His Alzheimer’s progressed to the point where I couldn’t take care of him any longer. On that day, I knew he wasn’t ever coming home. On that day, I knew he would die there. It was inevitable. I just didn’t know when. On that day, the long goodbye began, and I became an Alzheimer’s widow.

During the long, ongoing farewell, I delved into what I could learn about grief — so I would know what to expect and learn how best to “deal” with it. Not finding helpful information in books or on the Internet, I turned to writing in a journal. I’m not one who would go to grief group therapy or a grief counselor. (Plus, I had financial concerns paying for my husband’s memory care and paying for our mortgage, home maintenance, etc., while having no increase in income to cover the additional expenses.) I’m a loner. So, journaling fit the bill for me.

Writing turned out to be my therapy and my solution.

After my husband died, I continued to write in my journal. Sporadically. I was mainly arguing with my inner self. I wanted to know what I was supposed to do next. I asked myself lots of questions over and over.

Asking myself questions as to what would bring joy. What things would I want to do? Should I re-start my coaching practice? Do I have the energy and the desire to do so?

I got my answers in two not-so-subtle ways.

The first was a heart attack that led me to multiple bypass open-heart surgery. It was a wake-up call that it was time for me to live my life to the fullest. I can’t waste any more time. It’s either now or never. And, if I didn’t want any regrets, it was time for me to go for the long-lost dream that’s been put on the back burner far too long. It was time for me to get out of the valley of grief because it wasn’t adding to my life or my husband’s memory. Luckily, I was still alive. So, go live it joyfully, happily, and bodaciously.

The second was a “message” I received during my recovery — a divine download. To quote what I had written in my bio (see below for the link) –

“A sudden burst of insight filled my head with so much brilliance I couldn’t ignore it or try to forget it. I was “told” to write about my experiences going through grief and reclaiming my life from the jaws of deep sadness. The “download” told me that what I wrote should be a book to help other widows in their darkest hours.”

I’m in my second year of “widowhood.” And my mission is still to write about my journey as well as offer insights and lessons learned with hopes that my experiences will help other widows to “go for their life.” To encourage them to go on their adventure to make a dream come true. To show that if I could do it, so can they. To be their guide on how to attain relief from their grief. And, most of all, help them see that it’s okay to have a joyful life afterward — one that is filled with fun, happiness, escapades, and love (if they so desire).

Here are some links to a few of my published stories at various stages of my journey through grief and beyond.

I haven’t published all of the stories I’ve written over the past two years. Now that I feel more comfortable being vulnerable by sharing my inner thoughts and feelings, I am ready to publish many more. The feedback from other widows and friends has been supportive — encouraging me to continue on my mission.

And so I will! And let my new adventure begin.

This story is brought to you by Linda Kay Halladay. Find out more about my travels through grief in my introduction: