Grief | Inspiration | Life Lessons | Motivational | Illumination

Alone No More?

Reclaiming my life from grief.

Being alone isn’t the same as loneliness.

Loneliness is the state of aloneness and feeling sad about it. It’s a state of mind that can cause a person to feel empty and unwanted, which ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because this state of mind makes it more challenging to connect with other people!

Being alone, however, isn’t an emotion. There are no feelings of unworthiness or abandonment. Instead, being alone is a state of being. Of solitude. You’re giving yourself a gift of time to find out who you are. It’s about doing things for yourself by yourself.

I’ve been home alone for over 16 months.

I'm thankful I was able to take this time for myself. I faced my grief on my terms. There were days the battles were fierce; calm filled the other days. Solitude became my best friend. Being alone gave me the chance to re-look at my life. To figure out what I wanted to be and wanted to experience during the time I have left. I questioned my previous desires and goals.

Did I really want to do those things?

That question became more poignant after the cardiac event. (I say “the cardiac event” because I don’t want it to become a possession or part of my being.) I’m not gonna waste this “knock-me-over-with-a 2x4-second-chance” wake-up call. What do I want to feel, experience, have, do, and be? What would bring me joy, laughter, fun, love, connections, adventure, enchantment, and delight?

None of what I had thought originally!

I’m reminded of a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I modified to make it more mine and my mantra for the next few months:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste it to the utmost, to reach out eagerly, without fear, for newer and richer experiences.”

As I reclaim my life from grief and feel tender shoots of a desire to “taste life to the utmost,” I realized I’ve let my connections with my friends fall by the wayside. My sole focus for the past five years was taking care of my husband. So, I’m finding out I’m a little shaky on how to reach out to re-connect with them.

That’s what I missed — having fun with my friends — whether it’s having lunch at a new eatery, going to a cabaret to listen to a jazz trio, or bowling.

If I want more joy, fun, and laughter in my life, my first steps are to allow them in.

Since I love jazz, I looked up what kind of live Jazz events were happening in the area. There are tons! And, there is a meet-up group for Jazz lovers. Wow. I was tickled.

This is gonna be easier than I thought. Until … I remembered I would have to go by myself. And meet a bunch of new people. My shy, introverted self is kicking in.

Then I reminded myself of my mantra — “reach out eagerly, without fear, for newer and richer experiences.”

I compromised.

I signed up for a summer concert series sponsored by the local Jazz radio station. It was at a country club — so there would be some mingling but not a lot. Most of all, it’ll be fun listening and enjoying the live Jazz.

Baby steps.

PS I’m a widow who now refuses to live a life filled with grief, but instead, I live a life filled with joy, happiness, and love.

PPS I’ve written about my journey out of grief and into bodaciousness. This story is adapted from the book I’m writing entitled “Reclaim. Rev-Up. Rejoice. A Widow’s Journey out of Grief and into Bodaciousness.” Would you like a guide in your journey through grief and into your new destiny? You can connect with me at [email protected]. I’d like to take baby steps with you.

Here are two other stories that may help in your journey: