Electric Wet Dreams

April’s Best New Medium Publications

Reviewing the best new rags in town

Here’s a look at this month’s newest — and most glitzy — Medium publications.

1. The Highlighter

This publication features the very best in highlighted articles from Medium’s king of the Sharpie, D. K Perlmutter.

This dedicated rag will sift through the many thousands — if not millions — of articles spotlighted by The Human Highlighter.

Each month, a select number of pieces, hand-picked by the maestro himself, will appear in super bold green highlighted pen.

It’s hoped that this way Medium will find the true talent, and being Boosted will be a fad of the past. Now everybody will simply want to be Perlmuttered.

2. The Liar

A new departure for magazine publishing. A publication dedicated to articles written by writers about other writers.

In order to qualify, pieces must be factually wrong and highly offensive. Furthermore, the offending writer must not have been reported, muted or blocked. This ensures that they remain fully functioning cowards, so the publication can continue to publish their lies.

The idea was first mooted by Hogan Torah, who has a dedicated list on his Medium page entitled: Stories About Me I Didn’t Write. One of which is actually mine — cool!

The Liar magazine blatantly copied this idea, and it’s hope this will soon become one of the top publications in the world. After all, every writer loves slagging off other writers. Right?

3. So You Think You’re a Photographer? (SYTYP)

With more and more Medium users using their own photos instead of perfectly good ones from Unsplash. This is a publication Medium has been crying out for.

SYTYP will advise all authors to stop using images of themselves. This has been proved to create stress among readers who just want to see images of people that look vaguely human.

Some of Medium’s writing is bad enough. What we don’t need is a parade of bad party snaps that look like they were taken in Hitler’s bunker during the last days of The Third Reich.

SYTYP is looking at you, kiddo!

4. Bad Grammar

A sister publication of The Liar, BAD GRAMMAR actively seeks out the most pitiful writing on Medium and exposes it for what it is. A steaming stream of diarrhoea foaming out of Satan’s asshole.

The publication’s orbit will be far-reaching, from the most established writers like Lord Boring Himself Tim Denning, to the most inoffensive like Victor Cardenas and Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. (What’s the M.Ed stand for, Mark — Meds?).

No stone, or deeply buried story in the author’s profile page, will be left unturned, as Bad Grammar hunts for the shocking, the puerile, the tedious, the stupid and the downright shit.

You’ve been warned!

5. Crap Publications Inc.

This new publication will monitor all the really bad publications. Most of which are owned and operated by renegade Medium outlaw Smillew Rahcuef.

Current estimates put the number of Rahcuef sponsored publications at around 4 million, with more being spawned each day. FBI agents put the number even higher, and yet despite federal intervention, no one knows who he is, or where he lives.

Many believe he is a demented bot, who gets his grandmother to move him around from country to country. His last known sighting, according to Interpol, was in France. Apparently hatching a plan to kill new Doctor Funny editor, Philip “Jerk” Ogley, who refuses to publish any of his work.

Naturally, if any more is heard on this story, Crap Publications Inc. will be first on the scene. Unless, as rumour has it, the publication — and Medium — is owned by Jerk Smillew himself.

Thanks for reading. For more editions of New Medium Publications I’d Like To See (NMPILTS), check out

NMPILTS #1

NMPILTS #2

NMPILTS #3