New Fake Medium Features

The Best New Medium Publications

Can’t find a place for your wretched writing — read on!

After last week’s launch of seven brand-new Medium publications, it’s time for Part II.

This week sees another sexy tranche of quality rags that are crying out for devoted writers to lay their words on.

If you would like to write for any of them, please comment “PUB ME IN JERK” at the end of the post. All comments will receive a handsome Bitcoin cash prize at some point in the future.

So let’s take a look at this week’s offerings.

Spineless — All Ego No Substance

The place for all budding Republicans to write about how gutless, weak-minded and nasty their party is.

Spineless invites you to write about all the amazing things your party plans to achieve without actually saying what they will do to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

We would particularly love you to explain why you have such a visceral hatred for everybody, and why you would stone your own mother to death if you thought she’d had an abortion in the 60s.

We also want to hear from supporters of the UK Tory party, who have totally fucked up their own country by pretending to be Donald Trump.

Fascists welcome (of course).

Bored — Like a Hole in The Ground

I’m actually pretty boring. I just want to write deadening prose about what my cat did today. Like blogging used to be in the old days when you just wrote for the hell of it without worrying about statistics, revenue, tags, headings, or searching for crap images on Unsplash.

By submitting to Bored, I guarantee I won’t read your work, let alone edit it. You won’t need to credit your images, or use any tags.

The only condition is that you make it as dull as possible without any mentions, links, call to actions, or any of the tedious stuff that makes the modern writing platform look like an online supermarket.

Thanks.

Human Rights Lies (HRL) — Lies For Everyone

With the World Cup in Qatar just around the corner, the launch of this publication is long overdue.

Human Rights Lies aims to debunk the myth that the oil-rich states that keep the Western World from sliding back into the Dark Ages, aren’t that fair to certain members of society.

Writers here are encouraged to dismiss the lie that these countries don’t respect human rights. I mean how could a country be given the right to hold the World Cup if it didn’t have the same rights as citizens in Switzerland for example? How would that ever happen in the first part of the 21st century? Exactly. Impossible!

So come on everybody with half a conscience. Let’s get onboard and debunk the myths, retell the lies, sportswash the truth, and generally forget any of this is happening.

End Game —For All Suicides

One of the greatest dilemmas potential suicide candidates have is where to leave that all important suicide note.

Many have left this earth not knowing that their precious note got binned or blew away before anyone could read it. Leaving the inconsolable husband, wife, son, daughter, or parent in the dark as to why Johnnie blew his brains out one dark November night.

This can be all cleared up by leaving a note on END GAME™. Be it a short, boring poem, or a full-blown account of your suffering. Any form and length of note can be accommodated.

Just post it to the editors stating the day and time you plan to end it, and they’ll endeavour to publish it an hour after your death. That way everyone will be able to have a good laugh at your writing knowing you won’t be around to defend yourself.

*Subscription fees apply.

Cracked — Shit Furniture

And finally for this week, I don’t know if there is an antique publication on Medium, but if there isn’t, there should be.

I love nothing more than wasting my time reading articles on ancient items made of wood and glue. My specialist interest is tables. Where would we be without tables? Where would you put all the stuff you don’t need? All that crap you buy and then realize you’ve got nowhere to put it, so you dump it on the nearest flat surface — which is normally a table.

Or the floor….

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