Anxiety’s Best Friend: Overthinking

There’s a fine line between thinking and overthinking, and crossing that line is the first step to mental anguish.

The English dictionary defines overthinking as “thinking about something, too much for too long”. Overthinking is a personality trait that often gets triggered by personal life experiences; It could be the result of childhood trauma, a lover’s spat, or even a trivial issue at the workplace. However, most often it results in one drowning in the continuous loop of self-doubt, anxiety, obsessiveness, and mental anguish. I am an overthinker, always have been since a very young age. A friendship broken, a kiss foregone, a promotion denied, a family concern, things too small to care for to concerns having a greater impact — I overthink them all.

Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else. Gets me frustrated. — Avril Lavigne’s Complicated

With time, as the years have passed I have realized that I have spent such precious moments of my life making mountains out of molehills. A classic example would be, a very close friend who moved across the country and stopped communicating as much. She was newly married, living in a new city, and just did not have time. Initially, I gave her time, but as months passed it became a concern for me. Questions like “Is it me?” “What have I done wrong?”, “Does her husband not like me?” started haunting me. I was at a stage where my anxiety was at its peak, I was continuously stressed and upset. Until I spoke to a therapist, she made me understand that her actions do not define me or my relationship with her. As you grow in life (and in age) people change, and change is the only constant in life. So, I gave my friend time and space. It has been over 5 years now, we talk on birthdays and anniversaries; She is always warm and loving, but I still feel like it is not the same. Will it ever be? I doubt. But, I am content with where we are today.

Over the years, moving from pre-teens to the 30s, adulting hit hard. While I have gotten better, but if there is one thing that I still can not seem to get past, that is the possibility of betrayal. Betrayal in family, in friendship, in love, and a professional set-up. Unfortunate as it is, betrayal among friendships is not a concept just for Greek mythology. I for one am a black and white person, living in the grey area is not my strong feat.

Recently I got to know of someone I love like a sister, having betrayed me by spreading ill-fitted notions about me amongst our circle. While I was hurt, I was also hit by a wave of anxiousness that I had long forgotten about. Does it ever happen to you? I felt like all the growing up I have done over years, within, was lost. I spent days analyzing what went wrong, why would she say such mean things. I even thought of confronting her, however, better sense prevailed (major kudos to my amazing partner too) and I realized that confrontation would not change what has happened. So slowly and steadily, I let it go. I decided to be the bigger person and continue to be me, genuinely; With the hope that someday she realizes her misgivings, and never causes similar anguish to another friend.

I have come a long way, and here is what helped me manage my thoughts and anxiety:

• What people say, do or act like is not in your control. Stop trying to control the narrative, unless it’s yours.
• If somebody has decided to move on, it is fine. Not all relationships are meant to last until “Death do us part”.
• If you’re hurt, really hurt. Talk it out, but only with people you trust. Your partner, your mother, your therapist (or whoever you trust).
• Do not obsess! Obsession leads to an imagination of the worst kind. Spare yourself the mental stress.
• Last, but not least. If you are not able to do any of the above, then seek recluse in activities that calm you down. Meditate, Cook, Read, Exercise, whatever is your favorite pass time, invest in it and yourself!

My dear reader, if you like me are an overthinker then stop! Go listen to the beautiful song “You are Enough — Sleeping at Last”, and believe. Below is my favorite snippet from it.

You’re enough, you’re enough, you’re enough, you are enough These little words, somehow they’re changing us You’re enough, you’re enough, you are enough So we let our shadows fall away like dust…

Xo, Aakriti.

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I wish you happiness, always. Have a beautiful day.