The anxiety-inducing habits you need to let go of in 2021
You may be the cause of your own discomfort. Here are some of the most common anxiety-inducing habits you may be engaging in.
by: E.B. Johnson
It’s hard to juggle the stress and the chaos of life no matter who you are or how well equipped you think you are. No matter what you do, things are going to go wrong and you’re going to find yourself doing a lot of back-peddling in order to put things right again. Life is hard, and it is uncomfortable. We often make it worse for ourselves, however, by engaging in anxiety-inducing behaviors that undermine our happiness and ability to connect.
Do you struggle to stand up for yourself? Do you find that you’re always saying, “yes” or allowing yourself to make never-ending comparisons to those who have more? These are both toxic habits which leave us with nothing but miserable thoughts and increased negative emotions like hopelessness and anxiety. In order to get our lives back on track and moving in the direction it should be, we have to stop being our own worst enemies and find better ways to balance the madness.
We truly are our own worst enemies.
Anxiety and stress seem to be everywhere right now, and it doesn’t seem to matter how positive or sympathetically you try to live. To be alive is to feel stress, but we often go out of our way to make it so much worse on ourselves. That’s because we’re our own worst enemies when it comes to juggling and balancing the needs of others against our own needs. We take on more than we can chew and then crack beneath the pressure of it all.
From an inability to say “no” to relying on outward validation, there are so many habits that we engage in which make our anxiety exponentially worse. If you’re someone who is already tightly wound or dealing with mental health complexities, these habits can compound your stress in such a way that makes it hard to function.
Stop getting in your own way and shed those responsibilities and pressures which are no longer suiting you. By relying on yourself for fulfillment and shifting the way you see your energy used, you can build a life that more stress free and comforting in nature. Though you may never completely remove the anxiety you feel in life, you can limit it by limiting the habits that encourage its growth within.
The anxiety-inducing habits you’re probably using right now.
Did you know that your own habits can be bringing anxiety into your life? It’s true. Your anxiety isn’t brought on simply by your relation to other people, it’s also impacted by the way you view yourself and your validation needs. When you spend your life being pushed around and refusing to let other people down, it can land you squarely in a dish made of piping-hot anxiety.
An inability to say no
Nothing will cause you more stress and upset in this life than failing to set boundaries with others. When we don’t tell people no, they come to expect that we’ll always give them whatever they want. This knowledge to hand, they can become spoiled and petulant brats (rather than children) who are hard to relate to and even more impossible to control. We have to say no when things cross the line for us, and we have to say no in the name of our wellbeing and inner peace.
Never-ending comparisons
There can be little positive forward movement in your own life when you’re always looking to someone else’s journey. We all have different paths to take in this life, and while we can learn from one another, it’s not possible to copy the journey of another person. Comparing yourself to someone else is like comparing a champagne grape to a grocery store bundle. While the two items may be in the same class, they’re heading for entirely different lives and can’t truly be compared.
Unable to ask for help
Life is hard, and it is complicated, our relationships unfold in very similar ways. We’re not meant to handle all the drama and all the hardship on our own. As humans, we’re social creatures and that sociability means we require not only the presence but the help of one of our own. When things get tough, you need to be able to reach out and ask for help. Attempting to be all things to all people — on your own — will only land you in a world of heartbreak.
Relying on outward validation
We seem to be born with this inherent need to receive love and validation from those we look up to, or those whom we love. We crave the love of our parents, then we (often) crave the love of a romantic partner. And while this craving isn’t inherently bad, it becomes a problem when our sense of self-worth and self-esteem becomes planted in these people’s opinions of us. We can’t rely on outward validation if we ever truly want to know love.
Struggling to be present
In order for us to find inner peace and calm, we have to be able to process not only our emotions, but our environments too. This resolution isn’t for the faint of heat, nor is it something which can be done without full presence of mind and body. We don’t outrun the bad emotions. We stop where we are and turn and face them. If you can’t be present, then you can’t efficiently process your emotions or your thoughts. Stop running from all the bad stuff and find better ways to turn and face it.
How to stand up for yourself and minimize the stress.
You don’t have to settle for these anxiety-inducing habits. You can change the way you think and rework the way in which you relate to the world. You need only be kind with yourself, and focus on your boundaries. What’s coming into your life? What’s moving out of it? Mark the come-and-go and honor yourself as much as you honor the others around you.
1. Understand you’re not a superhero
Much of the stress we deal with comes from taking on more than we can realistically handle. It happens. We have a lot of responsibilities and there’s a lot of pressure that comes with life. When someone means a lot to you, or you feel expectations on your shoulder you can find yourself pressured to over perform and over-commitment. This over-commitment is bad for our health, though, and ends up burying us beneath a mess of anxiety.
You’re not a superhero, and you don’t have to be. No one has a right to force you to take on more than you’re able, and you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone to have value. Take a step back and take a break. What expectations can you shed right now to make your life happier?
We aren’t meant to carry the herculean weight of everyone else’s needs. Outside of our immediate loved ones, our needs are the only ones that we have to make sure are fulfilled. We are each responsible for our own time on this planet and ensuring that we have the quality of life that we need. Stop taking on everyone else’s happiness and focus on your own for a while. Detach and de-stress. It will do you a world of good.
2. Cultivate better boundaries for yourself
Boundaries are so important, but so many of us struggle to set them or define them for ourselves. That’s because setting boundaries inherently means saying “no” and getting negative feedback from time-to-time. Unfortunately, that’s just a part of life. Think of this way — how many times has someone else told you “no” when they didn’t want to do something, or didn’t have the time? That’s boundary setting, and it’s a skill you need to master too.
Cultivate better boundaries for yourself and start by considering what’s most important to you. What do you want from your friendships and your life? How do you want people to treat you? How do you want to interact with them and see them? Consider what you’re not willing to tolerate and what’s the most critical to your safety and happiness.
Boundaries aren’t walls that we put up between other people. They’re simply guidelines that allow those around us to know what to expect before engaging with us. Safeguard your wellbeing by figuring out what your limits are. Then communicate those boundaries with clarity and commitment. You have a right to be respected. Say “no” for yourself and do it frequently and with conviction. Then, you can begin to carve out space for your own needs and joy.
3. Invest in serious self-care
Self-care is such a powerful tool when it comes to relieving our anxiety and stress. That’s the point of self-care, after all. Rather than simply pampering our physical bodies, good self-care helps us to also nurture our emotional and mental landscapes. True self-care seeks to help us detach, rest, and recharge. So that we can get up stronger and more ready to take on the world than we ever were before.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you have to meet, you need to make some time for some serious self-care. You need a routine that you can lean into every week (or every day) which allows you to decompress and re-calibrate where you’re at
These routines don’t need to be expensive, and they don’t need to be complex either. You can complete a self-care routine in as little as 10 minutes a day, and with activities as simple as meditation and journalling. Be creative. Look for things you enjoy doing, but also look for things which are simple to get involved in. Spend time reading, writing, cooking, or even running. Whatever you do, it should add value and joy to your life.
4. Change your definitions of validation
Where does your sense of validation come from? Do you only feel validated when you have the love or compliments of other people? Does your sense of reward and fulfillment come from your work? There are so many ways we can chase this feeling of validation, but there is only one real way to feed that need completely. We have to learn how to validate ourselves and know that who we are is enough — with or without anyone else.
You need to shift gears and spend some time changing up your definitions of validation. Relying on others to give you this sense of worth is reckless. They are variables. The person who is there today could be gone tomorrow; they could turn against you or fail to see how beautiful and strong you are.
Our authentic inner self, however, is always there (and always has been). They know us inside and out, and they know every second of what we’ve been through. This inner person has seen your mistakes, and they’ve seen you grow and rise again. How could any other person possibly have a more accurate and life-affirming opinion of you than this person? Listen to that positive voice inside who tells you that you can do it. That is the only person who can validate you.
5. Honor yourself as much as others
High achievers are often high achievers because they manage to tackle not only their own goals, but the goals of others too. While this may be impressive, it also doesn’t always equate to a whole and a happy person. In order to extend yourself always in the favor of someone else, you have to put yourself on a back-burner much of the time. This can’t lead us to happiness, though. We have to honor ourselves and much as we honor others and show up for our own wellbeing.
Stop putting everyone ahead of yourself. You have genuine needs and desires that deserve to be met. Why should the steps you’re taking be delayed for someone else? Are they not capable enough to carry themselves toward their own happiness — just as you have done for all these years?
Respect yourself as much as you respect others. Stop taking on someone else’s responsibilities when you haven’t even looked after your own. You can’t fully be present with someone until you see yourself as their equal. Prioritize your needs and stop burying them away in favor of things and people that aren’t meant for you. You will be happy once you stop biting off more than you can chew and get serious about instilling some quality in your own future life.
Putting it all together…
Do you feel like your life is awash in high-pressure situations and endless anxiety? Does it seem like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Well, if you have weak boundaries and a low opinion of self — you might be. There are a number of habits that cause us to take on more anxiety than we want or need. Shifting that anxiety requires that we change the way we see the world and ourselves within it.
Understand that you’re not a superhero and stop taking on the weight of the world. It’s not your job to rescue anyone else. Take care of your needs and help the people that you love. Cultivate better boundaries for yourself and figure out exactly what kind of relationship you want to have with the outside world. Invest in some serious self-care and allow yourself to detach from the stress for a while. We all need an opportunity to rest and recharge. Make the most of it and do it as frequently as you can. Then, work hard to shift the way you see and feel validation. We are the only validation we need. We are the only person who fully understands where we’ve come from and where we’re going. Honor and respect yourself as much as you honor others and stop taking on more burdens than you can handle.
