POLITICAL SATIRE

An Open Letter to Ted Cruz

Don’t mess with Texas

Dear Ted

It’s me. Texas. You remember me, right?

I’m the one who has stood by you for all these years. I thought we had something special. You told me you loved me.

And then at the first sign of trouble, you just up and left me. For Cancun, no less. What does she have that I don’t have?

Sure, maybe she’s hot. And granted she has nice coconuts. But is that really the kind of man you are?

Don’t answer that.

I’m feeling so cold and all alone Ted. You’ve left a chill in my heart that is coursing through my veins. I’m hurting. I’m all out of gas. You’ve rendered me completely powerless.

And I blame you, Ted. Really I do.

Because I hate to be that woman. You could have at least tried to be less obvious. You didn’t have to flaunt this in my face.

But you didn’t think. Oh no. You just had eyes for her. You saw Cancun in the distance, and you didn’t look back. Not even one fond glance in my direction.

That is, until you were caught getting comfortable with her. Until those photos of the two of you came to light.

So, now you’ve come running back. But Ted, would you still be with her if you hadn’t been caught?

You tell me you love me. But what’s a girl to do. How can I believe you? After all, this ain’t my first rodeo.

There have been so many other times I trusted you.

Like the time you let all those men drill me. For oil. I mean what kind of man does that? I believed you. You told me it was all for the best. And I went along with that. But now I’m feeling kind of empty inside.

Or the time you went after my friend California last summer when she was having a hard time. Do you remember that Ted? California was raging. She was all fired up. She was inflamed. But instead of supporting my friend, you ridiculed her and put her down.

And I turned a blind eye. For you.

You’ve told me time and time again that you are not to blame. And I’ve listened. But I can’t do it anymore. You’ve made me madder than a wet hen this time. I am done with all the lies. I’m done making excuses for you.

So, pack your things Ted. Go back to Cancun for another quickie. Because I’m calling it quits.

Adios baby.

Your Ex,

Texas

© Courtney Burry 2021

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