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Abstract

k those higher powers if they could install some sprinklers in space as well? We sure could use some water out here. I know we are lizard-people, but everyone needs a good shower from time to time.</p><p id="995d">And I did want to ask for your help on another little matter.</p><p id="91f2">You see I’m having a party. It’s the California Ball. I know — this name doesn’t roll off the tongue. But not to worry. We decided to abbreviate it to “Ca-ball”.</p><p id="ccfc">I’ve got some excellent guests coming — you may know a few of them by name. Oprah, Ellen, Bill, Joe, and several other Hollywood types. I’ve even invited the Dalai Lama. Basically, it’s the who’s who of the Ca-ball.</p><p id="c57a">I really wanted to make sure the evening went off well, so we were hoping that you could also check with the higher powers that be to turn those fire lasers above into a light show. Not fireworks, because hello — this is California. Just lights. Oh, and if you could also throw in a couple of flying saucers to really impress my guests, that would be magic.</p><p id="7d6c">Thanks, Marj. You’re the best.</p><p id="a720">Inauthentically yours,</p><p id="a9e5">The Lizard Lady</p><p id="3041">© Courtney Burry 2021</p><p id="50eb"><b>Looking for more humorous tales? Check out Courtney’s additional articles here:</b></p><div id="4f3f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-open-love-letter-to-tom-brady-6cdaeb0b298d"> <div> <div> <h2>An Open Love Letter to Tom Brady</h2> <div><h3>Let’s make it official. Love, Gronk</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*EXm5u_QFXgSG85ZkJv3Hzg.jpeg)"></div>

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POLITICAL HUMOR

An Open Letter to Marjorie Taylor Greene

Please help with my party planning

Dear Marjorie.

I am one of the lizard people. I’m not green. Yet. Maybe that comes after I drink more baby’s blood. I haven’t tried that yet. Apparently, Whole Foods is sold out. Plus, my doctor has told me that it is bad for my libido. So, I’ll have to wait on that. And there is the fact that I prefer pizza.

Pizza is my jam. And if you love pizza too, I have an awesome recommendation for you. There is this fantastic little pizza place in D.C. that delivers all over the country. It’s very family-friendly if you know what I mean.

Anyhow. I’ve heard your theory that lasers have started all our forest fires in California. I have to say, I’m disappointed. I thought it was because we didn’t sweep the forests well enough out here. My husband and I have been out sweeping every weekend. I’m so glad you cleared this up for me.

But I digress. What were we talking about? Oh yes. Lasers.

Apparently, the powers that be do work in mysterious ways. I mean, why wouldn’t there be lasers in space starting our forest fires?

Please don’t answer that.

Now, given you have a direct line to crazy — do you think that you could also ask those higher powers if they could install some sprinklers in space as well? We sure could use some water out here. I know we are lizard-people, but everyone needs a good shower from time to time.

And I did want to ask for your help on another little matter.

You see I’m having a party. It’s the California Ball. I know — this name doesn’t roll off the tongue. But not to worry. We decided to abbreviate it to “Ca-ball”.

I’ve got some excellent guests coming — you may know a few of them by name. Oprah, Ellen, Bill, Joe, and several other Hollywood types. I’ve even invited the Dalai Lama. Basically, it’s the who’s who of the Ca-ball.

I really wanted to make sure the evening went off well, so we were hoping that you could also check with the higher powers that be to turn those fire lasers above into a light show. Not fireworks, because hello — this is California. Just lights. Oh, and if you could also throw in a couple of flying saucers to really impress my guests, that would be magic.

Thanks, Marj. You’re the best.

Inauthentically yours,

The Lizard Lady

Looking for more humorous tales? Check out Courtney’s additional articles here: