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Abstract

s house Dobby.</p><p id="c1fa"><b>I mean, what other explanation could there be?</b></p><p id="eff7">Everyone knows how much you love socks. It’s out there. J.K. Rowling wrote it, so it must be true.</p><p id="e3fa">And I’m thrilled that you are alive. But we really need to address this little sock problem of yours.</p><p id="678d">After all, it was okay when you pilfered the occasional sock. We managed quite well with that.</p><p id="a3b1">But now? This sock fetish of yours has gotten out of control. Our socks are nowhere to be found. My kids don’t even bother trying to find two socks that look alike. And I’m ashamed to admit, neither do I.</p><p id="d91f">We’ve become sock nomads, Dobby. Of the worst possible kind. And I’m worried how this story will end.</p><p id="a47e"><b>If we run out of socks, will you start coming after our shoes too? Will bras and underwear be next? Will we eventually be walking around naked?</b></p><p id="b843">I know everyone has something they covet. We all have our little obsessions Dobby. Our dog likes underwear. Our cat is into dead birds. And our freezer seems to have a thing for ice cream.</p><p id="1730">Clearly you are into socks. Lots and lots of socks. But I think you’ve taken this too far.</p><p id="c240">So, I’d really like to stage a little intervention. And I promise that if you come and meet me with all 1,000 socks that you have pilfered, we can work this out.</p><p id="b5cf">You’re a free elf after all. And I would love to have you here. Truly I would. What woman wouldn’t want a magical elf to help around the house? In fact, most of us would pay good money for the privilege.</p><p id="80cc">I just want some of our socks back. That’s all. It’s not too much to ask.</p><p id="abad">So, what do you say Dobby? Could you help this Muggle out?</p><p id="312d">Your sockless friend,</p><p id="656a">Courtney</p><p id="b5c2">© Courtney Burry 2021</p><p id="731c"><

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b>Looking for more humorous stories? Be sure to check out more of Courtney’s work here:</b></p><div id="353e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-open-letter-from-the-don-welcoming-2020-to-the-family-44f0aca54740"> <div> <div> <h2>An Open Letter from the Don Welcoming 2020 to the Family</h2> <div><h3>Say hello to my little friends</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*QvkfZTfry8pA6xifte-sGg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="62ed" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-open-letter-from-my-teen-to-the-english-language-616e69c6905f"> <div> <div> <h2>An Open Letter from My Teen to the English Language</h2> <div><h3>Dude! We need to talk</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*RKoO2jdLqPrVg4ESc7cNfQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="49b0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-open-love-letter-to-tom-brady-6cdaeb0b298d"> <div> <div> <h2>An Open Love Letter to Tom Brady</h2> <div><h3>Let’s make it official. Love, Gronk</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*EXm5u_QFXgSG85ZkJv3Hzg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

HUMOR AND SATIRE

An Open Letter to Dobby the Sock Thief

Could you help this Muggle out?

Dear Dobby,

I truly believed that you had suffered a horrible fate in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I was devastated when I read this. But I must have been mistaken. J.K. Rowling must have been mistaken. Because I’m pretty sure you have taken up full-time residence in my house.

You see, all our socks are missing. And not just any socks.

We now have loads of singles. In all colors, shapes and sizes. But we have no pairs. Absolutely none. Every single sock does not have a partner.

Now, I’ve wracked my brains trying to figure out what could have happened to all these socks.

I am pretty sure they didn’t walk out of our house. So, I’ve ruled this out.

I’ve also looked under my kid’s beds and in the laundry hampers. No luck.

I’ve checked with my dog. After all he does seem to fancy eating our underwear. But he let me know that socks are not his thing. Apparently he just fancies underwear. He’s a first-class pervert, what can I say.

I’ve even consulted our washing machine and dryer. But they both confirmed that they have given up socks for Lent. Apparently they are on a strict diet of towels.

So that leaves one explanation. You must have taken up shop in this house Dobby.

I mean, what other explanation could there be?

Everyone knows how much you love socks. It’s out there. J.K. Rowling wrote it, so it must be true.

And I’m thrilled that you are alive. But we really need to address this little sock problem of yours.

After all, it was okay when you pilfered the occasional sock. We managed quite well with that.

But now? This sock fetish of yours has gotten out of control. Our socks are nowhere to be found. My kids don’t even bother trying to find two socks that look alike. And I’m ashamed to admit, neither do I.

We’ve become sock nomads, Dobby. Of the worst possible kind. And I’m worried how this story will end.

If we run out of socks, will you start coming after our shoes too? Will bras and underwear be next? Will we eventually be walking around naked?

I know everyone has something they covet. We all have our little obsessions Dobby. Our dog likes underwear. Our cat is into dead birds. And our freezer seems to have a thing for ice cream.

Clearly you are into socks. Lots and lots of socks. But I think you’ve taken this too far.

So, I’d really like to stage a little intervention. And I promise that if you come and meet me with all 1,000 socks that you have pilfered, we can work this out.

You’re a free elf after all. And I would love to have you here. Truly I would. What woman wouldn’t want a magical elf to help around the house? In fact, most of us would pay good money for the privilege.

I just want some of our socks back. That’s all. It’s not too much to ask.

So, what do you say Dobby? Could you help this Muggle out?

Your sockless friend,

Courtney

Looking for more humorous stories? Be sure to check out more of Courtney’s work here: