America’s Got Talent: The Champions episode 5 review and rankings

Shin Lim, shadow dancers, a sand artist, and more in the most loaded semifinal yet. Who makes the finals?

It’s the last semifinal of America’s Got Talent: The Champions, so this better be good. AGT brought back 50 of the best acts from around the world and is slowly eliminating them all, leaving just the singers. Week one saw singer Susan Boyle and comedian Preacher Lawson advance, followed by danger act Deadly Games and singer Cristina Ramos in week two. Since then it’s just singers, with Paul Potts and Angelica Hale in week three plus Kechi and Brian Justin Crum last week. Sigh.

This is our final chance to add two non-singers to the finals. I’m not optimistic. But the show must go on! I’m reviewing all 10 acts each week with increasing cynicism, ranking them all, and picking a winner. Tonight’s show was the best semifinal yet! Spoilers abound, so be sure to watch first. Leave your rankings in the comments at the bottom!

Introduction of judges and rules

This is the final semifinal night, so ten more acts with two through to the finals. One will come from tonight’s golden buzzer from host Terry Crews, which I’m sure won’t be telegraphed at all since, you know, he’s off stage and nowhere near the buzzer. The other finalist will come from the nebulous 50-state vote, but only after some gratuitous demographic breakdowns.

Those two acts will join the 17 singers chosen before them in the finals next Monday, but wait, there’s a surprise twist! Surprise! It’s not a surprise or a twist. AGT announced weeks ago that they’d be choosing wildcard acts to return to the finals, presumably two to make a nice, round 12 finalists. A look ahead on the DVR shows a two-hour “finale” next week that’s not actually a finale, followed by an additional two-hour results show in two weeks. Yay.

Potential wildcards include Courtney Hadwin, Darci Lynne, Jon Dorenbos, Billy & Emily, Samuel J. Comroe, Piff the Magic Dragon, and Paul Zerdin, along with anyone that misses tonight. Sounds like a better finale than the one we’ll actually get. Courtney Hadwin is the most deserving and should be a threat to win it all, but adding yet another singer would be very unfortunate. Darci will have strong support, and I suspect someone from tonight will have momentum from recency bias. I think I’d pick Courtney and Jon Dorenbos. They’re the two I’m most certain would electrify a finale crowd.

Okay, let’s get to tonight’s acts…

The Ten Acts

Attraction

These Britain’s Got Talent winners from Hungary are competing in America’s Got Talent, and I too am hungry. The team performs a shadow dance story from pregnancy through childhood to college, a first child, and a new family, all across a stereotypically American background featuring a shadow Liberty Bell, Statue of Liberty, and eagle. It’s all a bit on the nose like a This Is Us episode trying too hard to tug at your emotions, but I enjoy it anyway cuz that’s how emotions work. If I’m honest, we’ve had better shadow dance acts on previous AGT seasons, and these guys used too many pre-made cutouts. The shadows are supposed to be made of humans!! I don’t ask for much.

Jackie Evancho

Jackie’s all growed up! When we last saw Jackie Evancho, she was a 10-year-old with a stunning operatic voice who apparently didn’t actually win her AGT season, losing to some dude named Michael Grimm I have zero recollection of. Evancho is 18 now, and she’s a perfectly lovely but forgettable singer. She has good voice control, but I find myself bored quickly and can’t help but think she wouldn’t be on this stage if not for eight years ago. I’m pleasantly relieved when Terry doesn’t go for the golden buzzer.

Colin Cloud

Colin Cloud is a one-man Clairvoyants with equally kooky showmanship but a slightly less unbearable personality. His act is long and drawn-out and definitely not choreographed at all, punctuated by a “random” person in the crowd selecting the celebrity name David Hasselhoff, who just “randomly” happens to be sitting in a seat Howie picks. Sure. The crowd gasps, because clearly they hadn’t noticed the 6'4 movie star and conveniently-a-previous-AGT-judge hunk sitting among the crowd. They even have a #TheHoffReturns hashtag ready to go. I’m Colin BS on this one.

Lost Voice Guy

Great, how am I supposed to make fun of a comedian with cerebral palsy? Lost Voice Guy is Britain’s reigning champ and a very cool story. He makes a few cracks at his disability and the jokes are cute but comedy is so much about timing and punctuation and so much of that gets lost in the computerized voice. I’m worried Terry is going to go for the buzzer and swoop LVG off the stage, but we escape with an inspirational performance.

Sal Valentinetti

Oh no, not this guy again. A good-looking crowd-pleasing singer? This dude practically screams golden buzzer. Sal is an Itaaalllian pizza delivery guyyy from New Yohk, and he’s something of a knockoff Sinatra or Dean Martin. I’ve always felt he was really derivative, like a high-end karaoke bar or one of those Hairball concerts where they get like 85% of the way there covering all your favorite songs, but like, there’s never gonna be a knockoff Sal, you know? Still, Sal is a crowd favorite and I am genuinely shocked when he doesn’t get the buzzer. Pencil him in as America’s pick tonight. It’s coming.

Tokio Myers

Man, this is a loaded field. Tokio is our third BGT winner, and he’s a one-man do-everything musical show with piano, drums, and plenty of lights and pizzazz. It feels a little too synthesized and overproduced, and I am left feeling like Tokio seems cool but I don’t totally get it. I wonder if it’s better in person. I wanted to like you more, Tokio Myers.

Simonova

Simonova won Ukraine’s Got Talent 2009 (how do we have a show in Ukraine but not Hungary?) and she’s an incredible sand artist. I’m mesmerized. There’s music, story, and production, with perfect execution along the way. Simonova uses music and moving sand to tell the tearful story of a child growing up and slowly away from his parents, and if you’ll excuse me, I need to call home real quick. That’s how you tell a story, and the sand art is super well done. I could do without the constant cutaways on these visual acts, and slight minus points for having to pre-explain the story, but this is the act of the night so far and Terry’s golden buzzer even gets me a little emotional. Very cool. Up next for Simonova’s sand art: the Ukrainian flag!

Cosentino

Much better balance of variety acts tonight, and up next is an escape artist we don’t have to wait three days for, so we’re already beating The World’s Best. Cosentino is David Blaine meets Kid Rock, though he takes off so many clothes I wonder for a minute if we’re just rewatching the Super Bowl halftime show. There’s a little too much setup and explanation but finally we get three daring escapes, and Cosentino looks like he’s waiting to escape at the last possible second like some kind of maniac. It’s a bit kitschy but I am riveted.

Sons of Serendip

Really strong night overall. I was all set to be underwhelmed by Sons of Serendip, but they were quite lovely. These guys are college buddies from Boston and they do a classical version of Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” featuring harp, piano, and cello. They’re quite good and I enjoy the act, but tonight has been loaded and I just don’t get the sense they stand out enough from the crowd.

Shin Lim

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED?? Didn’t mean to go all Mel B on you, but wow. Shin Lim is just wow. I have to admit I was a little unexcited to see Shin since he just won in August, but oh my goodness is he incredible. The act just kept getting better, and I think this was better than anything he did to win last summer. All that with a deck of cards and slight of hand. Shin gets an immediate full rewind, plus several mini-rewinds along the way, so that’s how you know it’s good. This is the best use of Terry all season, too. Dude is absolutely flabbergasted at what Shin’s doing right in front of him, and I can’t blame him. We are all witnesses. SHIN LIM THA GOD.

My personal rankings

Champions? More like chumpions.

10. Colin Cloud 9. Jackie Evancho 8. Lost Voice Guy 7. Sal Valentinetti 6. Tokio Myers

This was a loaded episode, easily the strongest of the five semifinals. I could honestly see any of these acts make the final three and even advance, except maybe Colin Cloud, but I assume he knows that already. Zing!

Worthy of consideration

5. Attraction 4. Cosentino

As strong as the night is overall, it also feels like it’s full of a bunch of 7s with only one 8 and one 10. I liked Attraction and Cosentino fine, but they’d feel a little out of place in the finals.

My top three

3. Sons of Serendip 2. Simonova 1. Shin Lim

I never expected Sons of Serendip to finish in my top three, but here we are. It’s more like a first, second, and then like six acts tied for fifth. I enjoyed Simonova but would probably have had her third or fourth and just missing the cut most nights, but she’s our highest ranked golden buzzer so I’ll take it. But I’m all-in on Shin Lim at #1. Like, he-should-win-the-whole-competition all-in. This was a night with nine strong acts and one headlining superstar. That’s why I’m already furious he’s definitely going to lose to a singer.

The Results

I just know how this is going to go.

We can’t possibly go through an entire AGT show without a musical act into the finals. Sal Valentinetti has this in the bag, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Jackie Evancho shows up in the final three, too. I’m confident Shin makes final three but I think it’s off to the hypothetical wildcard finale for him. Terry comes out to announce our final three, and this time we are mercifully spared from watching the judges attempt to flex their pectoral muscles.

Tonight’s final three is… Attraction?! Wait, what?? Shin is up next as expected… and Sons of Serendip get the final spot! Wow!! I am genuinely stunned. I never would’ve guessed this final three. Honestly, I think Attraction and Serendip would’ve been the last two acts I’d have guessed. And Sal Valentinetti is out! Ain’t that a kick in the head.

And now for my very favorite part of the show: the demographics rundown. I’m excited to learn Sons of Serendip won Alabama, Arizona, and Tennessee in the dumbest demo update yet. On a related note, Serendip go out third. Not the first time Alabama went home empty-handed in a semifinal.

Down to two, and as much as I’m a sucker for shadow dance acts, this feels like a no-brainer to me… and it’s Shin Lim through to the finals! He’s so good he even made the musical acts disappear!

Shin is my pick to win it all. It’s hard to me to see a comedian, sand artist, or danger act winning this thing, which leaves Shin plus six singers who will cannibalize each others’ votes. All Shin needs to do now is make Jon Dorenbos disappear so he doesn’t do the same to Lim in the finals as a wildcard.

See you in the finals!

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