All The Dirty Little Secrets to Enjoy the Holidays

How to strengthen your Emotional Intelligence muscles and use them to regulate stress, avoid conflict and maintain energy

The Holiday Havoc Gets Earlier Each Year and Seems More Materialistic Than Meaningful

I walked into a major department store the other day to run a quick errand, yes in September, and they were fully decorated for the holidays. No, not for fall, laden with colors of changing foliage, pumpkins, and turkeys. Christmas!!! Full-on Christmas Trees and Christmas holiday promotions are in full swing. What is going on here people? I love the holidays please do not get me wrong. But, when they are rushing past one of my favorite seasons of the year, Fall, without so much even acknowledging the cozy orange and brown plaid blankets, pumpkin and turkey theme décor, I feel robbed of the cozy vibes, pumpkin spiced candles scented air, and sweater weather that I adore before the cold chill fills the air and I am forced to bundle up beneath a hat, scarf, and mittens that true Christmas season brings.

Emotional Intelligence to Regulate Holiday Stress

So, if the sight of Christmas trees before Halloween causes you stress, as it does me, join me in practicing these Emotional Intelligence tips that will raise your vibes and regulate holiday stress. It is all coming faster and faster. Before we know it we will be slurping down egg nog, raising our glasses to a year well done at the annual office party, and then setting New Year’s Resolutions and toasting to 2022.

Self-Awareness & Self-Regulation

When I practice self-awareness and self-regulation it reminds me of a few basic principles that keep me in alignment and help me to stay aware of my own feelings and behaviors, as well as to regulate reactions to others around me. Thus, I can avoid unnecessary conflicts, maintain my energy levels, and regulate my stress.

• I need to be aware of when my nerves are wearing thin.
• I need to set and enforce boundaries with friends, families, and co-workers.
• I need to be aware of when I am feeling physical tension in my body and practice self-care such as warm Epson salt baths, walks in nature even when it is cold outside, yoga, and meditation, and taking time to read self-help books I enjoy.
• It is okay to light scented candles that remind me of the time of year I personally need to feel connected to even though retailers are appealing to my credit card and rushing into the next season. I will stay true to my desires and personal needs.
• I will slow down and decorate my house and enjoy each season the way I enjoy.

Using Relaxation Techniques Is Always a Great Idea No matter What Season We Are In

• I will listen to music I enjoy.
• Say Positive Affirmations such as “I will relax into the day” “Today will be what I make of it” “I will only spend what I have budgeted for”.
• Practice breathwork techniques to lower my heart rate and bring me back into a calm state of mind. I like to Inhale to the count of four, hold to the count of four, exhale to the count of six, hold to the count of four, and repeat several times.

“To appreciatethe beauty of the snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold.” ~Aristotle

Practice Well-Balanced Nutrition and Exercise

• Eliminate excess sugars.
• Eat a healthy snack and hydrate well before attending holiday parties to avoid over-eating indulgent foods I may later regret.
• Work out and move my body. This will release endorphins to ease pain and make me feel good naturally. It will also improve my sleep.
• Manage my sleep. Try to turn off electronics an hour before bed. A good way to do this is to charge them in a different room and read or listen to a guided meditation before bed. Below is a guided sleep meditation I have used and find particularly helpful.

Be Aware of Others and How They Are Feeling

Try not to let the emotions of others affect you too much.

Holidays bring out all kinds of emotions. It also brings out the drinkers in people who normally do not drink or socialize, therefore they may say inappropriate things or may trigger you. Alcohol also intensifies emotions. Be prepared to practice the pause and respond rather than react. Practice kindness and patience while still enforcing your boundaries. Give when and while you can, but also never be afraid to ask for what you need.

Practice the Pause and Respond Rather Than React

The holidays, especially when around family and friends, can be a natural time to feel emotionally charged and triggered. It is very important to recognize when we start to feel physically and emotionally stressed. As soon as I start to feel my physical symptoms of tenseness through my neck and shoulders, rapid short breath, headache, and nausea I know I am entering major fight or flight mode. Here my thoughts will become distorted, and I will go into a downward tailspin if I do not catch myself quickly.

Fortunately, when I practice the pause, I can usually prevent sinking too deep into the rabbit hole of darkness. The pause simple means to stop and take several deep inhales through the nose and several deep exhales out through the nose. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system which brings me out of the fight or flight response and into a calmer and more rational state of present moment awareness. This pause prevents me from reacting and saying things that I may later regret in a state of rage and instead I am able to respond calmly and responsibly. Just implementing these small changes can lead to vast changes in outcomes for the best and it can even prevent disasters.

Practice Active Listening

Holidays can incite gossip, but I prefer to steer clear. Active listening is a perfect way to simply be present and show your full attention without participating in the shenanigans that do not feel so spirited and those who want to be on Santa’s Nice list. Simply repeat back what was said, ask meaningful and engaging questions and summarize to be sure you fully understood what was said. Stay authentic to who you really are. If small talk and gossip drain you, find people who interest you at the gatherings or feel free to decline an invitation.

Finally, be sure to get enough rest. Take care of yourself. Ask for what your need and enjoy yourself! Tis the season. Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle over the small stuff.

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” ~ Bob Hope

Takeaway

The holidays are among us and the retailers will milk the holiday season for as much financially as they can squeeze out of us even if it takes the enjoyment out of some of it. It is up to us to make the most of each holiday season. This year may present some extra challenges with online ordering, supply and demand, and delivery due to the Covid crisis. I challenge you to rethink and shift into a new paradigm where it may be time to simplify and not have so much emphasis on materialism and expectation of gift-giving and go back to the true meaning of the holidays. Let us celebrate the birth of Christ, the appreciation of friends and family, and the celebration of light and peace.

I am choosing to rise above and use what I know from my own EQ coaching skills to create the seasonal vibes that I choose. I am enjoying fall so far and I intend to carve pumpkins, drink hot apple cider, eat spiced donuts, and hand out candy to the trick or treaters, including the dogs. After that, I will put up the few decorations I have for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving happens to be one of my very most favorite holidays, not only because it involves a giant feast, and I happen to love to cook as well as to eat, but it is about gratitude and gathering friends and family. It is also much more laid back than Christmas because there are no expectations for gifts and far less chaos.

Regardless of your favorite holiday, just remember to breathe, practice self-care, and awareness. You are ultimately in the driver’s seat of your life. If you do not want to attend a party, say no. If you are tired, find time to rest. Eat well and do not feel pressured by others. Do what is right for you, because in the long run, you are the only one who will know. If you feel you need coaching or therapy to help stay on track please reach out to a professional. The holidays can be very stressful and very emotional. It brings out financial stress, spiritual, emotional, and family stress, so please do not feel as if you are alone or trapped. Allow yourself to feel each emotion as it rises to the surface free from judgment. Just because it may be a joyous season does not mean you are not allowed to feel frustration or pain. It is all okay. Allow it all to come and allow it all to go. Remember, just as each season comes and goes, so too does each emotion, it is all temporary.

I am Libby Shively McAvoy. I survived emotional and physical abuse and I now use emotional intelligence as a tool to help my clients overcome obstacles and achieve their goals and desires. I believe we each have a unique and special story and gift to share with the world. I would love for you to comment and tell me your story and or gift. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

This is a great season to snuggle up by a warm fire or with a cozy blanket and read. I am providing a few of my personal favorites. I would love if you would comment and share your favorite book as well as your favorite holiday!

A Couple of my favorite books that have helped and inspied me are:

The Rhythm of Life, by Matthew Kelly

Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, by Peter A. Levine with Ann Fredrick

Meditations from the Mat, by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison

365 Perscriptions for the Soul; Daily Messages of Inspiration, Hope, and Love, by Marianne Williamson

A couple of my other articles that were distributed that may interest you: