TRANSGENDER
All Aboard My Failboat, At Least We Have T!
Reflecting on my transition journey this week

WEEK 16 CHECK-IN:
Trans Life Past: I’ve been putting it off, but this week, I’ll be meeting for coffee with a couple I did a sit for before I began my medical transition. They are the only people that saw just before I started T and haven’t seen me since. I’m not sure if I’m worried they’ll notice a difference, or I’m worried they won’t. I kinda think it’s the latter.
- So that didn’t happen because time and covid — isn’t that pretty much existence right now? At least, it is in Australia.
- Speaking of ‘noticing a difference’, I had an interesting conversation with my therapist today. I realized that I am not even trying to ‘hide’ anything from Scotty. Like, my Testogel has been sitting there, right out in the open — and he IS usually observant. So I’m just going to keep doing me and if he asks, I’ll answer. If not. Shrug. I’ll just keep doing me!
Goal:
- *Rolls eyes* Do my damn uni paper because it’s due in 9 days now
- That didn’t happen. Well, I started. I worked out the topic and I’ve gathered my references. The cool thing is, I’ve made it queerly trans AF! It’s a ‘research proposal’ and the research I’m proposing is on understanding the impact of the conflation of sexuality and gender on delayed gender-questioning of transgender and non-binary people. In layman’s terms — Yo! Gender and sexuality are two different things and trans doesn’t mean ‘gay transitioning to straight’ and if I was allowed to know that, if I was exposed to a different narrative, it wouldn’t have taken me 45 years to realize I was transgender, for fuck’s sake! But I can’t write that in my proposal. If you have to do a thing that’s boring and sucky, at least make it queer. My new motto in life, haha.
2. Edit more — let’s say, 50% of Taking the Field (about another 37k words)
- I edited more but 50% was WAY ambitious, or so it seems. I’ve edited about 15k words. Not a huge amount, but I’ve habit stacked it and edited for half an hour every day, and hell, it’s 15k words more than I had done two weeks ago.
3. Do a face comparison
- Well, my fail boat is 3 for 3 this week. I just totally forgot about this one! Lol.
Gratitude:
- Logan Silkwood — Seriously dude, you’ve helped me, challenged me, and encouraged some really great conversations ❤ And thank you for being a trans man/trans-masc writer in my life because we both know we need more of us!
- On that note, shout out to two awesome writers of trans-masc gay fiction (who are themselves openly trans): Lionel Hart (author of Chronicles of the Veil), Aiden Thomas (author of Cemetery Boys). Awesome peeps too :D
Physical Changes:
- My hips don’t lie… My hips don’t say anything. Bitches be gone! Well, they’ve definitely ‘deflated’.
- More hair — what a shock. Hello more chest hair, arm hair, and those few extra hairs under my chin. No, don’t congratulate me on this. I’m still working through my facial hair trauma!
- I’ve got the twitches again — growing pains, you ARE welcome.
- I swear my hands are changing, but not in the way I expected. I don’t think my skin has changed but it’s like, the size or the ‘tone’ of the grip of my hands has changed. That’s weird. Like… I don’t know, I feel like I have Spiderman hands. Anyone?
Other notes:
- I had a day off from T and remembered why that’s not a smart move. The following day, I was moody and other stuff. Just, not good.
- I think I’m learning that I can harness emotions into action. That’s new. Is that why dudes do the gym thing? Emotional release?
This Week’s Daily Posts:
This Week’s Gender Articles:
And on to WEEK 17:
Trans Life Ahead: I am heading to a one week sit on Sunday. I’ll be in the northern subs of Melbourne with a catakin and a barking-pup. One week of solitude to get all the work done — Or so I claim.
Goals: 1. Submit this freakin’ assignment 2. Edit every day (fuck numbers!) 3. Do a face comparison
Dose: 2 Pumps/day (25mg)
