After 14 Bold Narcissistic Abuse Articles, Here Are My 6 Favorites

One year of writing through rock bottom led to breakthroughs.

Though I first discovered narcissistic abuse in my birth family in June 2020, it took several months before I felt comfortable talking about it. Using creativity to process pain has been a tough, beautiful, and rewarding journey. In October 2020, I published my first narcissistic abuse article in “The Ascent;” surprised by the positive feedback, I let the words keep flowing.

Sometimes I worried about taking up too much space with painful stories; plus, I really wanted to “get over it already.” But discovering narcissism in your family is like having multiple long-term relationship breakups at once, only much worse.

Having reached what feels a lot like “emotional rock bottom,” I’m finding surprising clarity like newfound passion rooted in having nothing to lose. I’ve learned that feeling sadness is just as important as experiencing joy; they’re two sides of the same coin.

I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized. Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life,—J.K. Rowling.

As I’ve written out stories, personal insights, and validating research, I feel myself growing stronger. I’ve developed a newfound respect for my resiliency, beauty, wisdom, intelligence, and intuition. Walking away from unhealthy relationships has become much easier; knowing I deserve much more feels like a massive reward from this work.

Looking back, I feel immensely grateful for this outlet to share my vulnerable stories in an empowering way.

#1. “I Almost Killed Myself 4 Years Ago; Now I Understand Narcissist Abuse”

Writing this article brought me to tears many times. Despite four years of distance from the event, I’d never spent much time with these wounds. I didn’t understand how to mourn. I always skipped over that part.

If you don’t deal with your demons, they go into the cellar of your soul and lift weights, — Amanda Palmer.

I wrote this article because I had to. I had held this secret for too long, and it felt too heavy to keep to myself. As a fiery human, I chose to write it out and share my story publicly. The writing process sucked. Writing it, feeling it, and reliving it all sucked so much… until it didn’t.

Like digging out a deep infection, I felt freer and healthier on the other side.

Researching this article, I discovered suicide is the number two cause of death for anyone between 10 and 34 years old in the U.S. Also, for narcissistic abuse victims, suicidal thoughts are more common. If that many people experience the same struggle, then surely it’s something we can talk about openly.

Emotional abuse is painfully real and has nasty side effects. Validating these stories brings healing. Sharing my story was a beautiful gift to myself and other survivors. It’s not my secret anymore.

#2. “How I Unraveled 26 Years of Narcissist Abuse”

In the second article I wrote on narcissism, I stopped tip-toeing around the dark parts. Dropping my filter, I wrote about some experiences I’d never really told anyone. Everyone does dark stuff alone in their room sometimes that they just never talk about, right?

But if shame comes from secrecy, silence, and judgment, then sharing my truth is the most valuable thing I could do for everyone. I wrote about the wide variety of compulsive, destructive behaviors I’d used to dull out my inner pain in this article.

I dabbled in many addictions: eating far too much sugar, over-eating, watching TV in binges, drinking excess alcohol, and over-working. I sometimes used sex to validate my self-worth or took drugs to feel connected. During a few low points of depression, I forced myself to throw up the food I’d just eaten and cut my arms till I bled, — Alice Crady.

As I prepared to share this article, it felt like I was daring myself and my readers to love me despite the damage I felt. Like taking a closer look at the infection, I realized how much the emotional neglect and narcissistic abuse had impacted me. It wasn’t my fault.

Dropping your filter is scary. I worried the most about publishing this article. At the same time, what more did I have to lose? How could sharing make anything worse than it already was?

By getting clear about how the abuse had impacted me, I was surprised by how much easier it felt to be selective with my energy. I deserve better than this, so much better.

#3. “10 Powerful Ways to Become the Narcissists’ Nightmare Now”

Writing and publishing this story felt especially triumphant. I’d been feeling drained and discouraged after some confusing love-bombing from another narcissist. But Shahida Arabi’s book “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare” had inspired some breakthroughs, so I channeled that energy into this article.

The story has received the most views to date of all my narcissistic abuse stories, with nearly 18,000 readers.

Synthesizing the strategies that had most resonated in my journey, I created a cheat sheet. I also used this article to channel my anger, and I effectively empowered myself and others to get narcissists out of our lives. You’re welcome, world.

#4. “How Discovering Narcissism Set My Life on Fire”

This article may be my best effort to date to encapsulate heartbreak into a seven-minute read. I wrote it partially in response to Medium’s writing challenge, the “Death” category. I described the death of relationships, life phases, and the pieces of who I once was.

The week I spent creating this piece felt rough, like I was soaking in the space of heartbreak, but I felt determined to make it beautiful. Tearful and beautiful. I feel I was successful.

An artistic piece, I prioritized metaphors and emotions over the more intellectual insights of narcissistic abuse. I created a loose outline of my journey through shadow work.

As I owned my story, I felt the power of narrative. I choose what happens next, which parts were the most meaningful, and who I want to become moving forward. The courage it takes for anyone to recognize and walk away from narcissistic abuse is beautiful.

Leaving these relationships marks massive steps forward towards a brighter and fuller future; it’s okay to let change happen slowly.

#5. “How I Found 7 Unique Super Powers as a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor”

Since discovering narcissistic abuse, I’ve spent a long time feeling lonely. Being my authentic self often feels scary, and I still struggle with people-pleasing. These are subtle, deeply ingrained habits; I’m gentle with myself.

Mostly, I kept coming back to the feeling that I was “damaged,” there was something wrong with me. I regularly worried that I wouldn’t have the close friendships and partnerships I crave. If I’m really honest about who I am, will they care?

Surviving abuse can feel a bit like being branded as the “weakest link.”

In exasperation, I felt determined to find the bright side; there must be some powerful strengths that I can highlight. So I wrote a whole article about it, and it worked. I often think back to these superpowers when I feel down on myself. I remember that being sensitive is a huge strength, and I stop apologizing to insensitive people.

Writing this article helped me most past victim-shaming; I began to believe in the silver lining. From all the positive feedback I get, I know it’s helping others too. As I’ve trudged through the low-energy, narcissism mess, and unbearable heartbreak, I’ve reclaimed my power.

#6. “How I’m Letting Myself Mourn a Lifetime of Narcissistic Abuse”

Sitting with pain never came naturally to me. I barely cried at funerals, and when my baby brother died at five hours old in the delivery room, I cried once. I was 12 years old. Mostly, I got into problem-solving mode, focusing on how to fix things and support other people. I remember thinking it was weird that I didn’t cry more.

But through somatic therapy, I’ve learned emotional pain lives in your body. You can’t skip that part, as much as I wish I could. You can’t recover from narcissistic abuse without feeling through unbearable emotions.

Over the past year, I’ve cried almost daily. I feel decades of emotional injury coming to the surface. From a clearer perspective, I see the abuse, emotional neglect, and patriarchal bullshit that demeans femininity. I see how desperately we need emotional wellness, unconditional acceptance, and love in our culture, and I cry.

Writing this article honored my journey to acceptance while embracing my hurt and isolation. I’ve learned how to mourn and embrace the uncertainty, the horror of seeing people you loved in the light of narcissism. I know many will relate to my words, stories, and insights, so I keep writing. Victims of narcissistic abuse deserve much more validation for the devastation of discovery and courage in breaking abuse cycles.

Accepting our rage, bitterness, disappointment, shame, and grief is the only way to move forward. But as Hannah Gadsby said, “There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.”

If you had told me a year ago that I would be publishing articles on childhood abuse, narcissism, and emotional neglect, I wouldn’t have believed you. Sharing mistakes or imperfections is something I’ve pretty much always avoided; now I know why.

Shame grows in silence and secrecy; it can’t live in a space of empathy. Admitting that I was burning out at my job felt hard enough to share. Discussing deeper wounds seemed ridiculous, embarrassing.

The more I embrace creativity, the more I surprise myself. I’ve been reparenting my inner child and following my bliss. Without trying to please people all the time, I’ve felt much more energy to focus on my desires and creative ideas.

I feel myself shifting more noticeably as my inner changes become more tangible to the outside world: cutting my hair, changing my name, writing about abuse, pole dancing, and making music. As I reflect on my ongoing journey recovering from narcissistic abuse, it feels like a love story, and I’m the heroine.

Sometimes I feel like my world has gone from black and white to color. As I connect with all my emotions, I experience each moment more intensely. Slowly, I’ve begun to ease up on numbing behaviors, leave unhelpful relationships, and own my value; I live into my time more fully.

There’s something about finding “rock bottom” that can make you stronger and more determined. I’m discovering self-ownership, owning my body, words, actions, needs, and desires. I’m gaining greater respect for myself as I reclaim my inherent value. After feeling shattered, lost, and painfully empty, I’m somehow learning to channel the pain into freedom.

By writing these stories, I get to create the ending. How beautiful!

When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending, — Brene Brown.

Thank you for creating a safe space for me to share vulnerable stories! If you’re feeling generous, you can send some kind words or buy me a coffee.