Adding to My Sexual Bucket List

Because desire is deliciously abundant

Back in August, I did something I never would have dreamed I would be brave enough to do: I made a list of the sexual experiences I want to have someday. And not only that…I shared that list on the internet.

It might not seem like a big deal to some, but for me, that was a huge leap. I’ve always felt that if I were to write about sex, it had to have a “higher purpose.” Even though I encourage women to talk about sex just to talk about sex…I couldn’t seem to give myself permission to do that.

And yet, somehow, I woke up one day last summer and decided to pen a whole article that was simply about my own desire. I wasn’t trying to change the world. I wasn’t trying to push a feminist agenda. I wasn’t trying to fight back against sexism and misogyny.

No. I just wanted to write about how I hope to get off someday. Simple as that.

It wasn’t particularly exciting. In fact, one guy said it was downright boring. But, shocking as this might sound, I didn’t write it to be aspirational and I sure as fuck didn’t write it in order to gain the approval of some random guy on the internet. I wrote it because once I started unpacking the shame I’ve felt around my sexuality, I realized that there were several very simple sexual interactions that I missed out on that I would love to experience.

Over time, I’ve realized the power of my sexual bucket list. It’s my most-viewed article by far which reinforces the notion of how important female desire is. And it’s helped me want to dig deeper into my own desire and continue to put it out there.

There is more to my sexual aspirations, after all, than just five experiences. And there’s more to add than just sexual interactions with other people. What about expressions of my sexuality that might not include other people, that might not include touch, that might not include orgasms? Those count, too, after all.

So I’ve decided to add to my sexual bucket list…and to keep it open so I can expand it as my sexuality evolves.

6. Have sex in the woods

I want to have sex under a blanket of stars, next to a toasty campfire. I want the cool air to touch all of my naked skin, I want to hear the owls hooting in the distance and coyotes howling, and I want the moon to bathe us in her light.

7. Forest bathe in the nude

If you aren’t familiar with the term “forest bathing,” it comes from the Japanese term shinrin-yoku and it describes the act of connecting to nature with all of your senses.

Being naked has never been easy for me — I often feel crippled by my self-consciousness about my body — but I want so badly to be totally exposed in the woods, to let all the creatures there see me as I was made, to feel the wind on my skin and the sun on my breasts and stomach.

And if I’m really daring, I would love to take photographs while nude in the woods. Just because.

8. Have sex in a hot spring

I have a lot of water-related sexual fantasies. Technically, this one is just the outdoor version of my spa fantasy. What can I say? I love being in water and feeling it move against my skin. I love the way it changes how I feel in my body, how round and light and feminine I become. And it is such a turn-on for me to feel my breasts float, weightless in the water.

I’d also like to add anther location here — a shallow, gurgling river or creek bed — except I can only imagine that would be cold. So I’ll leave that to the realm of fantasy.

9. Make an audio recording of my orgasm — both alone and with a partner

I blame Hysterical Literature for this. Is there any greater sound in the world than a woman having an orgasm? That was a rhetorical question, by the way. The answer, of course, is no. (Well, okay, all orgasms are the best sounds in the world, but we don’t hear enough of those that belong to women.)

Technically, I’ve achieved half of this already, so yay me!

And I’ll add a little stretch goal to this one — no pressure, though. If I’m daring enough, maybe I’ll make a video recording with a partner. I don’t know if my issues around my body image can handle that, but I’m just going to put it out there.

10. Go skinny dipping

Can you believe I’ve never done this? I know, crazy. But I’ll refer to the body image issues I mentioned above.

This isn’t about sex for me, but expressing my sexuality and sensuality. I want to feel present and confident enough in my own skin to be able to take off all my clothes and truly feel the water embrace me.

Lake? Ocean? I don’t care. Just let me swim.

If I’m with someone and this happens to lead to sex — all the better.

I’ll keep adding to this. A few things already come to mind: have a quickie while hiking (unless I’m really sweaty and gross — or no, particularly if I’m really sweaty and gross), learn how to deepthroat (Ena Dahl reminded me of that curiosity that I almost forgot), and dare to let a partner see me whether or not I’ve shaved — and still have the nerve to feel sexy as hell, hairy legs and all.

I know it seems odd to some that there aren’t more edgy things on my list: threesomes, orgies, anal sex, BDSM… But in general, I just don’t get a spark of excitement in thinking about those experiences. Some of them regularly appear in my fantasies, but I don’t get all tingly when I think about actually doing them, the way I get tingly when I think of having sex under the open night sky. Maybe someday those things will strike my fancy, but for now, I only include things on my bucket list that make me shiver with anticipation.

(Although, I should add that I promised Demeter deLune that if I want to have a threesome someday, I will include her. And I already know the other woman I would invite — yes, I’d go for all women for my initiation into threesomes. There you have it: the start of my Maybe Someday List.)

So here I am again, declaring my desire and putting it out there for all the world to see. There’s no “higher purpose” to this, no strategy to change the world, no feminist agenda.

But you see, I’ve come to realize something really magical: that the simple act of a woman openly declaring her desire is serving a greater purpose. It is a feminist act.

And it does change the world.

© Yael Wolfe 2020