30 of the Best Sex Jokes To Spice Up Your Day
Everyone loves a good sex joke, here are 30 of them
There are two kinds of people, those who admit to finding X-rated jokes funny and those who act like they don’t. Whichever you are, here are 30 of the best.
Disclaimer: be warned, much cringe and groan-worthy material ahead, and above all remember these are X-rated jokes, keep that in mind i.e. these are NSFW.
What does a penis and a Rubik’s cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What’s the best way to get a woman wet? Pour her a bath.
What is the best way to help a female partner reach climax? Hand her her favourite vibrator and leave her in peace.
A woman asked her husband if he was having sex behind her back. He replied, “I hope so, otherwise we’re going to have problems.”
After deciding her husband had yet again put in a terrible performance, a wife says to her husband: “You really need to start seeing a sex therapist to deal with your performance issues.” After doing just that, despite his performance skills going through the roof, she filed for divorce.
Why are so many women reluctant to have FFM threesomes with their partners? Because 30 seconds is barely long enough for one woman, let alone two.
After a wife attempted to persuade her husband to take up running with her, he highlighted that if they had sex more they could burn off just as many calories. His wife retorted how many calories did he think they could burn off in 30 seconds. They then went for a run.
A woman comes out of the shower and says to her husband, “I’ve just shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The husband nods. “It means the drain is clogged again.”
Why should you never tell an incel to go f**k themselves? Because that’s what they’re already doing, the last thing they need is more encouragement.
How do you make a feminazi moan like never before? Ask them to make a sandwich.
What did the tornado say to the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts, I’m going to blow you like you’ve never been blown.
What do push-up bras, men’s trousers and bags of crisps have in common? They all look like they have more in them than they actually do.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Hand them a tampon and ask them which period it comes from.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.
A chemist reported that two men broke into the store and stole all the Viagra. The police then put out a report alerting people to look out for two hardened criminals.
A man says to his wife, “All you do is moan.” His wife retorts, “Yes, and never in the good way.”
A wife complained to her husband that he could never locate her G spot. He asked her for guidance in locating it. An answer never came.
A woman thought she was great in bed, then she had sex with a woman… A man thought he was great in bed, then he woke up…
A man says to his love interest: “I want to say you are beautiful, but I just can’t.” “Why not?” says his love interest in puzzlement. “Well, they say that beauty is on the inside, but I’ve not been inside you yet.”
To the dentist’s shock, the elderly woman on entering his office dropped her pants and sat on the chair with her legs spread. “What are you doing?” the dentist remarked in astonishment. “You remove teeth yes,” the elderly lady said. “Yes,” said the dentist. “Well, I need you to remove my husband’s.”
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always comes in another box.
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.
What’s the difference between the G spot and golf balls? Men can actually find golf balls.
What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
What’s the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with the light on.
Why is masturbation like procrastination? Because both are all good and fun up until the point you realise you are only f***ing yourself.
Why do people prefer Australian kisses to French kisses? Because an Australian kiss is like a French kiss, except down under.
The best one for last
What do women’s nipples and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddy’s end up playing with them.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
52 Fascinating Facts About Sex That You Probably Didn’t Know
12 Fascinating Facts About Orgasms That You Probably Didn’t Know
My Ex Offered Anal Sex on The First Date — I Should Have Known She Was Married
To learn more about me see this link, to follow me on TikTok see this link, to support me click the link below:
