12 Fascinating Facts About Orgasms That You Probably Didn’t Know
If you know all of these, then you are probably a sexpert
One of the most important factors for having an orgasm is ignoring everything society and the mass media tells you that you, and your partner if you have one, needs to do to orgasm, and instead focusing simply on experimenting and finding out for yourself.
Love it or hate it, sex is the most talked about topic on the planet. Here are twelve things that you probably didn’t know about orgasms.
Just because a man has ejaculated, does not mean that he has had an orgasm, on the flipside, a man can orgasm without ejaculating
The orgasm is a cerebral or brain response to physical pleasure and in men ejaculation is the body’s physical response. This is why men typically orgasm prior to ejaculating, so a man has an orgasm then ejaculates in response to the orgasm. That means a man can orgasm without ejaculating, and he can ejaculate without having an orgasm.
Some men find the former to be especially beneficial as it means they can have orgasms numerous times before ejaculating. However, the latter scenario can lead to feelings of sexual frustration, as it can leave them feeling horny still without any means to gain relief — unless they can “reload.”
Whereas the male orgasm typically lasts between 4 and 7 seconds and can last for upwards of 10 seconds, the female orgasm typically lasts for between 10 and 15 seconds and can last for upwards of 20 seconds
Everyone knows that men orgasm more frequently and easier than women, but when it comes to orgasm duration, women come out heavily on top. Meaning even though the female orgasm typically comes around less than the male orgasm, it tends to make up for it in duration.
Women also have another advantage in this area, as it is believed that holding off from masturbating and having sex for three weeks can lead to the most fulfilling and longest-lasting orgasms.
The problem is for men, with longer wait times they tend to struggle to last long enough to get the longer-lasting orgasms. Women, on the other hand, do not. Meaning when it comes to orgasm duration, women are unquestionably the Queens of the roost.
An orgasm does not always equate to satisfying sex and poor quality orgasms are a thing
Whether it be because of premature ejaculation, blood flow problems, and many other reasons, men frequently have orgasms that they rate as unfulfilling i.e. rubbish orgasms.
Women, on the other hand, are far less likely to rate their orgasms when they have them as being unfulfilling, but even still, just because they have had an orgasm does not mean they will immediately rate it as having been fulfilling.
That means just as it is possible to have good sex without having an orgasm, having an orgasm does not immediately equate to having had good sex.
Some people truly are not that bothered about whether they have an orgasm, some people even prefer sex without having an orgasm
Everyone knows there are asexual people, but I am not talking about asexual people here, there are some people who are not that bothered about orgasms, but still like sex. Some people even find that having an orgasm ruins sex — I dated a girl like this once when I was younger, in her case, there was a psychological reason for why she didn’t want to have one, but it didn’t change the fact that she didn’t want to have one because having one would ruin her sexual experience.
That’s why it’s so important to not just assume that your partner wants an orgasm, and why it’s so so important to communicate openly and honestly with each other over bedroom wants and likes.
It’s also why you should never feel bad if you’re not that into orgasms for whatever reason. You don’t need to have an orgasm to have good sex, some people do, but some don’t, and that counts for both men and women i.e. because of the way we are culturally conditioned, many will think this point is mainly about women, it is not. There are many men out there who are just the same i.e. are not that fussed either way, or plain and simply don’t want one but still enjoy sex.
Note: if you’re interested in learning more about enjoyable sex without orgasms, check out Karezza — a form of sex that involves refraining from having an orgasm.
Making sex about orgasms is the best way to mess up your sex life
A common trope among sex therapists is that the best way to improve your sex life is to forget about the orgasm, and instead focus on just having good sex. If the orgasm comes from that good sex, great, if it does not, as long as you had good sex, there’s no problem.
Most people will again think this point is directed predominantly at the female side of the equation, but again that is a culturally conditioned cliché, it’s actually important for both sides. Men who are too focused on having an orgasm tend to frequently suffer from premature ejaculation but sometimes make it more difficult for themselves to orgasm at all, women on the other hand who become too focused on having an orgasm tend to make it even more difficult for themselves to orgasm due to their frustrations at the difficulty of having one.
Things get even worse when we put pressure on our partners over our orgasms, and become even worse still when we put pressure on our partners because we want them to orgasm. That means the best way to have good sex, is to just focus on having a good time and let whatever happens happen. This counts for both men and women.
People who aim to orgasm have the most orgasms
Considering the previous point, this may seem contradictory. However, it is not. Whereas making sex about orgasms tends to mess up sex lives due to the pressure it creates, aiming to have an orgasm from sex does not. That means whereas it’s bad to make sex all about having an orgasm to the point where if you don’t have one it is the end of the world, it’s not bad to aim to have one — if you want to.
Think of it like this, if we enter a competition and aim to win, but don’t see it as a big deal if we lose so long as we have fun, then it’s a win no matter what. However, if we enter a competition and aim to win and it’s the end of the world if we lose, we put endless pressure on ourselves to win and are going to be downbeat every time we don’t win.
This means the best way to have a fulfilling orgasm is to aim to have orgasms in the same way we aim to compete in friendly competitions. i.e. so it should never be about winning, it should always be about having fun. And the person you should aim to compete with is not your partner, but with yourself. That means if you win i.e. orgasm, awesome, if you don’t, who cares, you and your partner still had great fun trying to help each other win.
People can legitimately orgasm through receiving anal sex alone i.e. anal orgasms are a real thing
It’s well known that the men who receive anal sex find it highly pleasurable due to the prostate. It’s also well known that many wrongly believe that when it comes to men, only gay men or bisexual men or “beta” men and the ilk like receiving it. Meaning if you like it, you somehow must not be a “real” man. That is false and total BS. It has nothing to do with your manhood. And the lesser men and women are normally the people that think it does.
Anyhow, every man has a prostate, and if it is stimulated the vast majority of men are capable from a physiological point of view of finding it highly pleasurable i.e. Deadpool was on to something.
Women are the same but for different reasons. It’s not well known but the clitoral legs in women reach the anus meaning anal sex provides clitoral stimulation and thus can be highly pleasurable for women. So that myth that women don’t like anal sex because it does nothing for them, it’s not true. And evidence seems to show that it is mostly born from, firstly, the mistruth that it somehow makes a woman not a woman if she has that kind of sex, it does not; and secondly, the fact that many women who have tried anal sex have done so with a man who simply tried to stick his “disco stick” straight up her — not a good idea.
That means yep, both men and women can find receiving anal sex highly pleasurable. More than that, in some women their clitoral legs, just as in some men their prostates, are so sensitive that they can achieve a full orgasm through anal stimulation alone. In fact, some women are even able to get more clitoral stimulation through anal sex than through vaginal, and some men can even ejaculate through prostate stimulation alone.
That means yes, anal orgasms are a real thing, and both men and women can have them. Not all of course, and some will not find it pleasurable, but for many men and women, it can be great.
Women who have anal sex have the most orgasms — but not for the reasons you think
A study by Indiana University that looked into sexual practices found a rather fascinating statistic, women who had anal sex were far more likely to report having frequent orgasms. Even more perplexing, the study found that 94 percent of women who had anal sex in their last sexual encounter said they reached orgasm — a far higher rate of orgasm than was reported by women who had vaginal intercourse or received oral sex.
That seemed to imply that women were more likely to orgasm through anal sex than any other form of sex. However, all is not what it seems. It is not believed that the anal sex per se was the reason why these women had more orgasms, it’s believed to be more the fact that the women who had anal sex were more likely to firstly, be more sexually open and so more willing to bring variety into the bedroom, secondly, to be more sexually confident, and thirdly but more importantly, to have sex which involves a few or more different sexual acts.
So, the high number of women who report orgasming from anal sex, before having that anal sex typically had had other forms of sex, whether that be using toys, finger play, vaginal sex, oral sex, kissing, sometimes a mixture of all, and it was the combination that is believed to be behind the high orgasm rate.
That means when it comes to the female orgasm, it seems variety, number of sexual acts during a session and sexual confidence is key.
Note: it also should be remembered that anal sex typically requires preparation, and preparation requires planning, and preparation and planning typically create anticipation — another well-known stable for the female orgasm.
You really can orgasm in your sleep i.e. wet dreams are a real thing
This is something that many young men typically find out the hard way, but which has less effect on women — mainly because they don’t ejaculate when they orgasm. We truly can orgasm in our sleep, and when we do it is called a wet dream. One minute you are peacefully going to sleep, the next minute you are being woken by your raging orgasm — brought on most often by a vivid dream of the sexual kind.
For women, when this happens normally at worst a change of underwear and a visit to the bathroom to wipe themselves “dry” is the main disruption. For men, in the worst-case scenario, their sheets have been ruined as they are covered in ejaculate.
Yup, they don’t teach you that at school.
Note: I should add, it’s completely normal for this to happen i.e. it does not make you weird, it’s just one of those things, but it is a good reason why if you are feeling super horny, and especially if you are young and feeling super horny, and you are susceptible to vivid dreams, it can pay to “relieve” yourself before bed if you get my meaning — especially if you’re of the male sex.
The gap between a woman’s clitoris and her vagina may play a part in her ability to orgasm through penetrative sex
Kim Wallen, professor of psychology and behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory Universitys, found that the distance between a woman’s clitoris and her vagina is associated with her likelihood of having an orgasm during intercourse.
A rule of thumb she found was, if the distance between a woman’s clitoris and her vagina was less than 2.5 centimetres, then she would find it far easier to orgasm frequently through intercourse than if the distance was greater.
So, if a woman struggles to orgasm through vaginal penetration, it could be because the gap between her clitoris and her vagina is above 2.5 centimetres and so penetrative sex alone simply does not provide enough clitoral stimulation.
That means yep, for all who don’t know, clitoral stimulation is the key to the female orgasm. And yep, alas not all women will be capable of having an orgasm through penetration alone.
Gay men have the most orgasms, heterosexual men have the second most, heterosexual women have the third most, bisexual people have the fourth most, and lesbian women have the least
Stop the presses. That can’t be right? Lesbian women are meant to have more orgasms than other women, especially heterosexual women, right? The devil is in the detail.
Gay men have the most orgasms because they have the most sex of everyone, straight men have the second most because they find it easier to have orgasms than women and heterosexual couples have the second most sex, lesbian women have the least orgasms because they have by far and away the least sex of everyone.
There is actually a term for it, lesbian bed death. All couples start out having lots of sex, but once the honeymoon period ends, whereas gay men typically keep going, having sex on average 2/3 times a week, and heterosexual couples become up and down averaging out at about once a week, for the majority of lesbian couples, sex starts to dry up. Big style. Nearly fifty percent of lesbians after two years together only have sex once a month or less, and the longer the relationship lasts, the less frequent the sex.
I know what you’re thinking, studies show that 75–80 percent of lesbian women have orgasms, but only 60–65 percent of heterosexual women do. Here is the thing though, studies that analyse orgasm rates tend to ask either do you usually orgasm through sex, or did you orgasm during your last sexual encounter. On average, per sexual session, lesbian women are more likely to have an orgasm than heterosexual women. This means lesbian women are more likely to answer yes to both questions. But because heterosexual women have more sex, on average, they have more orgasms.
But, that’s not to say lesbian women are unsatisfied sexually. When sexual satisfaction is taken into account, gay men and lesbian women tend to be the most satisfied. Maybe there is something in that…
Oral sex when it comes to orgasms is not as important to as many people as you think
When it comes to orgasms, hands, fingers, sex toys, intimacy, penetration (mainly for men but not exclusively), and communication are all more important than oral. However, if you believed the mass media, you would think that men and women need oral sex, that a woman needs it to orgasm and would be failing the sisterhood if she was not receiving it i.e. we need to close the oral gap, that a man could never be a man if he was not receiving it.
But increasing evidence shows that oral sex is simply not as important to as many people as you likely think — especially in regard to receiving an orgasm. For example, some people are just not into receiving it at all for whatever reasons. Even for those who are into it, some could receive oral sex for hours on end and not get close to orgasm — men and women included in this.
Also, as we get older many of us tend to rate receiving oral sex as less important than we once did — except as a means of promoting arousal i.e. for some men and women as they get older, the only way they can switch on their downstairs is through receiving oral.
All of this is not to say that oral is not important to a lot of people and not a great form of sex, it’s just to say that it’s not as important to anywhere near as many people — especially in regard to having an orgasm — as the mass media makes out. Communication and a non-pressured and non-judgemental based environment appear to be the only true universal keys.
So, if you’re not that into receiving oral or you are but can’t orgasm from it, don’t worry about it. Some people just aren’t, and some people just can’t, it ain’t a big deal. Just find what works for you and focus on that instead.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
Seven Signs the Person You Are Dating Is Secretly Married
The Seven Main Reasons Why Dating in The Modern World Is So Difficult
The Psychological Reason Why Bad Boys Are So Attractive
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