Seven Signs the Person You Are Dating Is Secretly Married
Lessons I’ve learned from being duped by a married woman
I’m one of those unlucky types who found out that the person they had been dating for the last four months, was in actual fact married. These are seven signs to look for to help you avoid a similar situation.
You permanently seem like a breath of fresh air to them
My married ex kept telling me how nice it was to have someone listen to her — she kept telling me this again and again. At first glance, this may not seem like a sign that the person you are seeing is married. But it was the frequency and the way she kept saying it that in retrospect was the sign I should have picked up upon. It was like she was constantly coming from a place where she felt a person was not listening to her, and I was her relief from the situation that she had just exited.
Virtually every time we met, she would tell me — as I listened to her — how nice it was to have someone listen to her. And it was the way she said it, like she was saying: “I’m so glad that I’m not with that douchebag right now and I’m with you instead. My husband is so frustrating, never listening to me, but I’m so glad that you do.”
So if you are dating someone and every time you see them, they keep telling you that you are great at something — in a manner which feels like they are comparing you to someone else, implying that you are providing a relief from that someone else — that is a potential red flag.
They always want to meet in quiet places, and always seem a little on edge but also often excitable when you are in places where there are people
When you are not cheating, you are not bothered whether people see you with the person you are dating. When you are cheating, the last thing you want is a person you know seeing you with another person.
Whenever I took my married ex anywhere, she always seemed to be on edge and extra vigilant. In all honesty I felt like she was scouting places out. However, the confusing thing was whenever we were at these venues, she always seemed much more excitable — basically, she was at her naughtiest when we were out and about. Not really the behavioural traits of an introvert — which before I discovered she was married, I assumed she was. Why else would she not like being around people?
Because she was married of course and was getting cheap thrills off being naughty in public due to the risk factor of getting caught.
So, if ever the person you are dating likes quiet venues, seems to scout out all the places you go to, and always seems especially edgy but also excitable when you are at these venues, there’s a chance they may be married.
Their bedroom is always absolutely spotless
Every time we went back to my married ex’s place, her bedroom was spotless. In fact, in truth, it felt completely un-lived in.
That’s because it was. If I had opened a cupboard or a draw at any point at any time, I would have found them all to be empty. The bedroom which she had claimed was her own, was actually the spare bedroom of her best friend’s place.
I had of course met her best friend, but I had not known that her best friend was not her roommate, the woman I was dating was still living with her husband.
So yes, if ever the person you are dating brings you to a room that looks like it hasn’t been lived in, maybe check the drawers. You may just find the reason the room looks so lifeless is that those drawers are empty.
In their eyes, you can do absolutely no wrong
The entire time I was with my married ex, it was like I could do no wrong. In fact, the amount of effort she put in for me at times was ridiculous. At first, I thought that she must just really like me, and that she was just one of those people who like to put extra effort in with the people they like.
Wrong. What was actually happening — I’m guessing anyhow — was she felt so guilty over deceiving me that she put in extra effort to try to make it up to me. Every. Time. We. Met. So I was dating someone who was permanently in “I need to make it up to them” mode.
So, if ever you are dating someone and it seems too good to be true, there is a high probability it is.
They are always apologising to you, and constantly cancelling on you
In the four months I dated my married ex, she probably apologised to me more times than any woman ever has combined. In fact, I frequently kept telling her that she didn’t need to keep apologising for things so much.
Literally, she seemed to be apologising to me for this, that and everything. Also, she was a frequent canceler. And she would apologise to me profusely for cancelling. The thing that should have been a giveaway was the fact that she always seemed to feel guilty for cancelling. Like really guilty.
Don’t get me wrong, it sucks to have to cancel and sucks to be cancelled on, and everyone always feels a bit guilty for cancelling. Especially if you have to cancel on somebody you really like. And I could be reaching here with this one but looking back at the way she reacted to cancelling, I can’t help but feel it was a giveaway.
So yeah, if the person you are dating constantly apologises — even over things where there is no need to apologise. And constantly cancels on you, and always seems to feel especially guilty for doing so. And this is a repeated pattern, this may be a sign that they are secretly married.
They have kids but rarely talk about them
I have dated people with kids before, there is one common trend I have always noticed, the women who want a relationship talk about their kids. A lot. Of course they do, when you date a woman who has children, or a man for that matter, they come as a package deal.
What always puzzled me about my married ex — before I learned the truth that was — was that she very rarely talked about her children. And whenever she did, I always got the sense that she was riddled by guilt. At first, I assumed this was because she was still dealing with the aftermath of her marriage breakdown.
Once I learned the truth, I realised it was because she felt immensely guilty about the fact that seeing me could potentially break up that marriage. Irony for you. Also, I imagine it was because she felt frequently guilty about using them as an excuse to cancel on me when the real excuse was of course her husband coming back from work early.
So yeah, if ever you are dating someone who has children, and they never talk about those children, and seem guilty whenever they do talk about those children, you have been warned.
They have the power to make you believe anything
My married ex was so good at selling, that she could sell salt to a person in the middle of the desert who was dying of thirst. In fact, in another life, I’m certain she would have either been a top saleswoman or a politician.
Literally, I’ve never met a person who could sell like she could. She just had this ability to make you believe everything that she said. To her husband and family, she had sold the image of herself as a virtuous angel so well that if I came out and said she had been having an affair, and she denied it, everyone would have accused me of being a liar. I could have had evidence like that song that Shaggy sings, have caught her on camera, even in the shower, and still people would not have believed me.
So, the biggest red flag that you are dating a married person is that they are constantly selling you a perfect image of themselves. The whole time we were together, all she did was sell this perfect image of herself which helped hide who she really was — a married woman.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
My Ex Offered Anal Sex on The First Date — I Should Have Known She Was Married
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Six Psychological Reasons Why The Majority Of Modern Relationships Fail
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