A Personal Example of the Difference Between Self-Love, Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Love for Others
A COVID-19 and family relations essay about karma and how the topics in my title are compatible
My friend and mentee jules tells me that I repeat my history too much and it makes my stories longer than needed. She assumes that my stories are only read by people that already know my story. I do not assume that and must make sure that an essay is comprehensive and cohesively cogent.
That which prior readers may know but new readers will not is that I have not spoken to my father since May 2020. I did not conceive of an occurrence that would lead me to talk with him other than his sincere offer of amends. I wrote this not long ago in a story directed towards my mother:
I wrote this partly because I want my mother to know that I love her, am grateful for everything she has done for me my entire life, and that I even love my father and do not blame him for anything and have forgiven him but that does not mean I will ever speak to him again. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Reconciliation requires amends, which I doubt he will ever sincerely offer. That ball is in his court. Personally, I think everyone is better off the way things are.
Yet, tonight called him.
My mother and my kids were in Chicago visiting with my baby sister, Wendy, and her family. I received a text that Wendy’s youngest might have COVID-19 and thus they were heading home early.
My 17-months’ younger than me sister, Randi, called me to say that mom would not listen to her and Wendy about that she should either stay in Chicago, or upon her return to NYC stay in a hotel or go and stay with Randi, where everyone is both fully vaccinated and boosted and has also each contracted the virus, and would I please call because she’s more likely to listen to me.
My mother is a stubborn ostrich and did not pick up my calls.
So, I called my 85-year-old father for the first time since May 2020, told him that I never stopped loving him and mom should not come back to the apartment until her status was clear.
I told Randi that that was the tact I took — one she had certainly not anticipated. I then called my daughter — already on the plane. “Are you with Nana,” I asked?
“I’m not allowed to disclose,” she replied, and she handed the phone to my son who will not deflect or lie to me. The import of the fact that I felt strongly enough about the situation to call my father clearly impacted him.
Last week I had a huge fight with my son over every one of his me-me-me reasons not to get boosted.
I hope he gets it now, and I hope all of you out there who only think about yourselves might now think differently.
I’m sure I cleared some karmic debts tonight. Karma does not mean what goes around comes around. Karma is all about good intent regardless of the outcome. This story by another is the best I have ever read on karma:
[3/17/23 edit. The other day I read the shortest and simplest definition of karma
we do not agree with karma meaning you have to ‘pay’ for what you did in another lifetime. That is a very human perception, of life being a court system meting out reward and punishment. Karma is a vibrational level that draws the experiences needed for healing and growth to a soul. Nothing more.
and wrote about it here:
end of edit]
If anyone is interested in grasping the import of my gesture tonight, please read:
In Rama I create, with soul-energy surging through my body, inspiring me and breathing wind into my sails,