“You are Leading a Worthwhile Life and It is an Honor to Know You :)”
Those words from a reader and those of others tell the tale of an unusual yet rewarding and productive life
I know what needs to be said by me to my mother, who turns 80 on Sunday (I turn 55 in February), but I am not sure how to say it. If I write her a personal letter, I might get too personal and digress down paths that will lead to nowhere. So, I decided to write this story and possibly publish it, or instead, this may constitute an outline for the letter. When I am finished, not done, as turkeys are done while people are finished, a lesson in syntax from my 3rd-grade teacher Mrs. Espo that I never forgot, I’ll know, or at least I’ll decide.
“I see in the news every day about how stores, restaurants, Amazon, etc., need employees. It’s time you stop sitting in your room all day writing and go get a job to pay for your incidentals.” That is close enough to what my mom said to me a few weeks ago. My mom’s credit card floats me between my intermittent commission checks, and while I am sure she is not happy about any of it, the occasional $10 charge when my side income from the occasional legal work I do gets used up seems to cause her much more angst than the rent and health insurance for me and my kids that she floats me for months between commission checks, for which I then pay her back, and other material items for which she provides support for my kids, for which I am eternally grateful, about which we have never discussed payback, which I will do if and when able.
“You’re driving me crazy,” she said. No Mom, I am not, as you are the only person who has any control over or ability to affect your own reactions and attitudes. I did not say that but I have certainly thought about it and know that it is fact.
Putting aside the fact that as I have no car it would cost a material amount of an hourly wage to get between my place of residence to one of these jobs, and it certainly makes no sense to try and get a car and pay for gas and insurance, I am living a very productive life as my writing helps other people immeasurably, and I fully expect that my writing, directly and indirectly, will help lead me to what I want to do with my life longterm, which is go back to school and become a teacher or professor to help young minds learn how to practically apply spiritual principles to lead better and more content lives.
The title of this story is the words sent to me via direct message by a member of our community when I sent her a poem I wrote. I wrote an essay yesterday about how the universe often speaks to me through the words of others.
I know her words were such a message.
Here is the poem:
Resolve Willpower rules Epictetus describes All aspects of this difficult Virtue
To do The distasteful The disagreeable The painfully and disgusting Virtue
Avoid Burning desire Wisdom knows the difference Twixt what I want and what I need Divine
I thought to send it to her because we had interacted back in February over a couple of other pieces I had written then that inspired the more recent poem — synchronicity. Here is more of what we said to each other:
Her: “Unbelievable timing. Started slipping into a depression. Just more medical problems. But your poem reshaped my entire outlook. Thank you!”
Me: “Ain’t the universe grand!! Synchronicity!! I love getting messages like this. Thank you. :’-)”
Her: “your poem made me remember my ability to persevere and thrive. And that feels like a sign from the heavens. Thank you again. I needed to read that poem so much. For me, I know when I am sinking into clinical depression when I begin ignoring my basic needs. I had not showered for four days! Barely eaten. You are my hero. ;”
Other Priceless Reactions to My Work
“I am so glad you shared this with me. This is such an important and moving piece. This is exactly what I have struggled with: living out of alignment with my soul’s purpose. A lot to reflect upon now!”
“What a beautiful article. I am honestly blown away. I love how you talk of society, the soul and stigma. Thank you so much for writing this. And thank you for speaking up about something so important!”
“You said so many things that I look for in my daily life. I specifically love this because I am a philosopher by nature and by heart. Now I can add by spirit. The definition you provided solidifies that. Thank you so much, Marcus. You just released energy into this world to propel humanity forward. You may not think it too big of a deal, but mate, it is a Big deal.”
“Wow, a deeply spiritual memoir Marcus (Greg) of your journey of self-discovery. It is amazing how events unfold in our lives. Fantastic writing, thank you for boldly sharing your truth.”
“Just wow. I am not even sure if I am that aware about my own life not that in-tuned with myself. This is a pleasant read and an outstanding memoir. Marcus please be proud of your work. Celebrate yourself, because you are an excellent writer and an very fine tuned observer of this life.”
“I agree with this Marcus. We have to experience the shadow to long for the light. Learning what not do, through painful trial and error, sinks in on a much deeper level than agreeing to follow rules without tasting the forbidden fruit. An intense story but there we have it. Whoever assured us our journey would be a skip through the park? No one. We’re here to learn and turn toward Light. You’re on track my friend. Good work!”
“Thank you for placing the story in one place for all the world to view! You are a fascinating and remarkable spirit who I am blessed to have connected with.”
“A soul-wrenching story @Marcus, I have no words to commend your spirit. Lots of magical hugs to u and may u stay connected to your spiritual awakenings through your quill. I wonder when I will be able to read your published book……if you already have plz do, let me know, if not….plz think about it :-)”
I replied to that one with: “I think a book or books will happen but that they are years away. First I want to go back to school when I can and then become a teacher or professor. I have in mind a self created MA or PhD that combines spirituality, philosophy, and perhaps a few other disciplines. Thank you so much.”
My Personally Most Meaningful Essay Also Has Touched the Most Lives
This is the story of my relationship with my dear friend Andrew, who killed himself in 2006, and saved my life in 2013 by what his soul said to me in 2012. Other than a couple of stories that have trended externally, this story has received the most views, reads, comments and fans.
“I’m very grateful for your essay. I’m one of those “there is no such thing as a coincidence,” believer. Your response to my writing was what God wanted. I will say this, I feel like I will wake up tomorrow feeling a bit better than I did today. I am very grateful for your writing Marcus. May God Bless you always!!!”
“Marcus I am forever moved by your writing. But to read it today, this particular piece, was meant to be. Thank you. Thank you”
“Thank you for directing me to this piece, Marcus. It has given me much food for thought and will take a while for me to process much of it. I felt many truths written here upon my heart and I shall not forget them.”
“‘We are as sick as our secrets.’ Thank you for writing about this important topic, Marcus, Greg. I have dealt with many suicides in my family and among friends. They break my heart. And it’s so true, there are always secrets at the basis. Guilt and shame. And seeing no other way out. It took me years to learn deep listening. And I hope other will learn this too. Because only connection, only an ear with compassion, will lessen the pain. Thank you.”
Conclusion
I have only looked within five of my 389 pieces before this one for evidence of how I am making a difference in people's lives, which to me is the pinnacle of achievement. I know if I examined every essay and poem I would find scores more such comments and I could have included far more from the chosen stories.
I did not write this because I fear that the financial lifeline will be severed (if it were, it would be for reasons out of her control and I trust that the universe will take care of me). My mother’s love is unconditional. These are her words in May 2020:
“The love for my children is unconditional and even though I may not always ‘like’ what they do it does not affect the emotional love.”
I wrote this partly because I want my mother to know that I love her, am grateful for everything she has done for me my entire life, and that I even love my father and do not blame him for anything and have forgiven him but that does not mean I will ever speak to him again. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Reconciliation requires amends, which I doubt he will ever sincerely offer. That ball is in his court. Personally, I think everyone is better off the way things are.
The primary reason I wrote this — the flood gates are opening — is I hope my mommy will be proud of me after reading it (or whatever I send her). I hope she will look at me like she did here:
I have time to decide what to send my mom. I’m going to publish this and not tag anyone and see what guidance may come my way.
[12/22/21 edit — My best friend Richard suggested that I add that I get immense pleasure from helping others and their expressions of thanks to me.]
In Rama I create, with soul-energy surging through my body, inspiring me and breathing wind into my sails,
