36 Hilarious Relationship Jokes That Will Brighten Up Your Day
A man asked his wife what the greatest joke in the world was. She replied: “Our relationship.”
Everyone loves a good relationship joke, here are 36 of the best of them.
Disclaimer: many hilariously bad jokes ahead, you have been warned.
Why should you never break up with a goalkeeper? Because it’s hard to find a keeper!
How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? It gave her a ring.
Marriage is a three-ring process: engagement rings, wedding rings, and endless sufferings.
Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
Why do painters always fall for their models? Because they love them with all their art.
How do you know that Google is female? Because it never lets you finish your sentence before making a suggestion.
How do you know that Google is male? Because it thinks it always knows the answer.
Why do married women never let their husbands tie them up when playing kinky sex? Because they’re smart enough to know that if they let them, their husbands would gain control of the TV remote.
Why is it wise to never marry a female doctor or nurse if you want a good sex life? Because female doctors and nurses wait for the swelling to go down before getting to business.
What’s the best way for a husband to get consistent sex? Marry a man.
What’s the best way for a wife to get consistently good sex? Marry a vibrator.
What is the ultimate cause of divorce? Marriage.
If a married person is shouting at their TV: “Don’t go in there!” What are they watching? Their marriage video.
Why do brides always cry at weddings? Because they never marry the best man.
What is the one proven food to absolutely annihilate sex drives? Wedding cake.
A 60-year-old millionaire’s friends are quite jealous of just how hot his 23-year-old new wife is, and they ask how he managed to get with her? “Simple,” he replied. “I faked my age.” His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he pretended to be. “Well”, he replied. “I said I was 87!”
Why do men never become crazy cat men? Because women have control of the world’s pussy supply, and don’t like sharing — especially with men.
After taking a pregnancy test, a young woman, mortified, looks her boyfriend dead in the eyes and says: “Your kid in me.”
Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend? He started losing interest.
A woman goes to the police to report her boyfriend missing. “I’m really worried,” she tells the officer. “Eight days ago I was speaking to him on the phone and he said, “We’re breaking up,” and then the call ended, and it’s gone straight to voicemail ever since.”
How do people who work at NASA break up with their partners? They tell them that they just need some space.
If you wish to break up with a person who is blind, what should you never say? I think we should see other people.
I thought it would be a good idea to take my date to the gym. However, he didn’t want to come so I told him that the two of us were not going to work out.
A recent study has revealed that 60 percent of marriages end in misery. The rest end in divorce.
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
What should a man do if his wife insists that she is the main breadwinner and thus should be treated as the man of the house? Divorce her and take the house.
What’s the smartest thing to do if your partner makes clear that they are ready for a ring? Toss your phone into the ocean.
Why do people gain weight after they get married? Because when they’re single, they come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. However, when they’re married, they come home, see what’s in the bed, and go to the fridge.
Why do Jedi Knights make lousy spouses? Because they are strong with divorce.
Making love is like basic math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply. However, relationships are like algebra. All you do is look at your X and wonder Y.
Why don’t horses ever get a divorce? Because they’re always in a stable relationship.
A woman broke up with her husband after she discovered he was a Communist. She later lamented that she should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
Why was the wizard’s girlfriend always covered in hickeys? Because he was a neck romancer.
Why is girlfriend/boyfriend one word but best friend two? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
Why is Tinder like being on a bus? Because everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.
What’s the most guaranteed way to get a response on Tinder? Message the support team.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
30 of the Best Sex Jokes To Spice Up Your Day
33 Of The Best Knock-Knock Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day
25 Snarky Comebacks To Common Insults
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