25 Snarky Comebacks To Common Insults
If you’re looking for a great comeback to an insult, read on
Everyone loves a good comeback, here are 25 of them.
Disclaimer: beware, much snarkyness ahead.
If your partner is ever criticising your efforts to do something nice for them you could say:
Keep talking like that, and the only way you’ll ever get laid again is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
If somebody is acting like a dick you could say:
You know people like you are the reason that God created the middle finger.
If somebody is acting like a bitch you could say:
If I wanted to be around a bitch, I’d have bought a dog.
If somebody is acting like an asshole you could say:
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
If somebody is talking an especially large amount of rubbish you could say:
You know, you are so full of shit, the toilets jealous.
Alternative:
You know I swear your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Alternative:
I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown with how much shit you’re talking.
If somebody is being especially self-centred in refusing to hear any point of view but their own you could say:
I’m trying to imagine seeing things from your point of view, but it’s difficult for me to imagine putting my head that far up your ass.
If somebody is being a moron you could say:
Scientists say the universe is made of neutrons, protons and electrons. But you’ve just proven it is also made up of morons.
If somebody is really not getting the hint you could say:
Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
If somebody tries to imply you are uptight you could say the following:
Yeah well, you are the human version of period cramps.
If the in-laws all gang up on you to throw shade in your direction you could say to your partner:
Your family tree must be a cactus, because everyone on it is a prick.
If somebody is being arrogant and telling you how amazing they are compared to you, you could say:
Someday I know you’ll go far, I just hope that you stay there!
If somebody is being two-faced you could say:
If you’re going to be two-faced, you could at least try to make one of them pretty.
If somebody rolls their eyes at you, you could say:
Yeah, you keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
If somebody is being stupid and trying to tell you that they are not you could say:
I agree, you’re not stupid. You just seem to have bad luck when thinking.
If somebody calls you stupid, you could say:
Yeah well if your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t even be enough explosive to even blow your hair off.
If somebody is acting like a know it all, you could say:
Are you Google? No, I didn’t think so. Then stop trying to act like you know everything.
If ever a partner is telling you how it was a mistake to date you, you could say:
If you think dating me is a mistake, speak to your parents. They know what a real mistake is.
If a person is not getting the hint that they really should stop talking because they have way overstepped the mark, you could say:
I’m sorry I didn’t get that, I don’t speak idiot.
If somebody is explaining something to you that you really don’t need explaining and they know it you could say:
Please, keep talking. I implore you. I always yawn when I’m interested.
If somebody has screwed up and is really not getting the hint you could say:
You know, sometimes it feels like you are the ultimate proof that evolution can truly go in reverse.
If somebody has manipulated you into doing something, you could say:
You know you really are my favourite person… that is besides every other person I’ve ever met.
If somebody calls you ugly, you could say the following:
At least when I look in the mirror my own reflection doesn’t look away.
That’s all from me, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy the following:
12 Brilliant Wiseass Comebacks To Common Insults
26 Killer Comebacks to Nasty Remarks
27 of the Best Jokes to Brighten up Your Day
To learn more about me see this link, to support me click the link below:
