8 Key Positive Ways That Power Can Be Used…From Ask Lewis

And a list of 4 types of emotional blackmail

Influence is a general term used to describe any event or process where one entity (be it a person, corporation, government, religion, media organization, etc.) can change either directly or indirectly another entity’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.

Where there is power, change is precipitated. With human beings, this change will generally take place concerning a belief, an attitude, the possession of physical wealth, and/or the use of influence in its various forms.

One of the least desirable forms of influence is emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmail is a term popularized by psychotherapist Susan Forward about how some people control others in personal and business relationships. This control is usually applied through fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG). These are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled

Forward and her co-author Donna Frazier identify four emotional blackmail categories each with their manipulation style:

1. Punisher’s Threat — Example, “Eat the food I cooked for you or I’ll hurt you”.
2. Self-punisher’s Threat — Example, “Eat the food I cooked for you or I’ll hurt myself”.
3. Sufferer’s threat — Example, “Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now”.
4. Tantalizer’s threat — Example, “Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert”.

Emotional blackmail can be applied at different levels of intensity. Some demands have little effect, other demands involve important issues or personal integrity, and more extreme demands are dangerous, cruel, uncompassionate, unempathetic, illegal, or which may affect major life decisions.

Dissecting the Notion of Power and Influence

In our daily lives, influence can be a highly effective instrument of power and prestige. Power and prestige can be achieved through the access to and integration and application of various qualities, the most prominent being the intention, mental clarity, authority, physical strength, and speed required to do something or get something done. In its most extreme form power and prestige imply the ability to impose one’s will on others, even if those others resist in some way. When influence is employed correctly, it efficiently moves people in positive directions.

If you wish to create and sustain positive change in others then you will need to understand how the influence process works.

When a person wields power without vision or focus they can determine, shape, give direction to, and affect the people around them as well as the surrounding environment in positive or negative ways. They can create wealth –even legally print money — influence through propaganda, build armies coerce, threaten violence, and create havoc.

When a person wields power with vision and focus they can educate and effectively influence important decision makers. It is generally accepted that when President Harry Truman was weighing the pros and cons of supporting a UN decision on the creation of the State of Israel it was the influence of his old friend and business associate in the haberdashery business back in Missouri that played an important role in swinging his support to the affirmative.

Among the most common types of power, you will see, hear about, or experience in your lifetime are:

Social access: The ability to bypass “gatekeepers” through interpersonal relationships.

1. Power (sociology), where one person may influence another.
2. Power (international), where one state may influence another.
3. Political power — Affecting the affairs of the state.
4. Lobbying — An organized effort to influence politicians.
5. General influence; the use of money or similar rewards to influence others.
6. Cultural imperialism is when one culture influences another.
7. Professional therapeutic influence — Influence offered by a mental health, wellness, or medical professional to help someone regain or maintain their health and well-being.

Whatever form of influence is being exerted, the state of thought of the receiver will define the effectiveness of the influence. Common sense will tell you that a person who thinks a certain way may be more easily influenced than a person who thinks another way. It all depends on who is trying to wield influence. Whether the receiver is an individual or an entire nation, there is a primary form of thinking, a model of thinking, which will dominate the process. Researchers on the art and science of influence have determined that there are two primary models of thinking about influence:

1. The systematic Model,
2. The Heuristic Model.

Virtually everything you learn in this manual about influence will refer back to one of these two types of thinking.

When people are in the systematic mode, they use cognition, discernment, critical thinking, and logic. They focus on what seems rational, reasonable, practical, and probable. They seek examples, evidence, and facts. This is an energy-intensive approach and requires alertness and attention to detail.

In the Heuristic models, the rationale and the details of decision-making are less relevant. There is less mental labor involved. Heuristic thinkers like comfort, friendliness, physical attractiveness, intuition, a sense of rapport, or if delegating, the expertise of the source of the information.

Depending on the individuals involved and how rapidly the changes are in an environment, both an influencer and a receiver may switch back and forth between heuristic and systematic modeling. Have you ever dated a person who was very attractive on the first date but less so on the second date or vice versa?

Often this may be a result of how you interacted with the person on each date. On the first date, you or the other person may have been in a systematic mode, the next date in heuristic. Even so, research indicates that people seldom use both modes, but rather prefer one mode to the other.

Interestingly, a skilled influencer can get a person to shift from heuristic to systematic thinking by making a particular issue of great relevance to the receiver and presenting it simply and understandably. This is key, for if a concept is of interest to a receiver but requires too much mental labor to understand, the receiver will remain in the heuristic mode. When a person decides that a situation is important, he or she will automatically contemplate it systematically. Thus, to wield influence, one must demonstrate how the issue is meaningful. Once we have established whether a person is in a heuristic or systematic mode you can then determine what approach to influence will be appropriate. If you choose the wrong approach then you will not be able to influence the receiver even if you are in the appropriate mode (systematic or heuristic). Remember, to be an effective influencer your attention must be focused on what is of central importance to the receiver.

A Poem On Power

Emotional Blackmail is there,

so you best beware.

Sometimes it is hidden,

To make you guilt-ridden,

Directed by some control freak,

And designed to hurt the weak.

So learn to be strong,

and resist what is wrong.

Do what is right,

And you will transcend the night.

The evil will pass,

And you’ll be there last.

Content and free,

As you were meant to be.

This story is an excerpt from my course “How to Become Really Wealthy”

A Joke About Conspiracy Theorists Who Are Also Control Freaks

My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control..

I wonder how much the government paid her to say that.

©Lewis Harrison, all rights reserved.

Here are a few stories in a similar vein

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Before you go…

I am Lewis Harrison, a successful entrepreneur, and advisor to philanthropists. I am also the award-winning author of over twenty books on business, leadership, personal growth, and strategic thinking. For over a decade I was the producer and host of the show “What’s Up” on NPR-affiliated WIOX FM in New York.

Now, aside from writing on Medium, and connecting personally with my readers, I teach seminars and speak on personal development, and life strategies throughout the world.

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